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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset my 6 year old got her ears pierced?

328 replies

thetimehasbegan · 04/08/2020 18:49

My ex and I share 50/50 custody of my daughter (nothing in writing). My daughter is 6 and has been asking me for a couple of weeks to get her ears pierced.

I didn't have a problem with this as she is old enough to ask and she understood it would hurt and would both have to keep them clean. I had said though that we would wait a while as I wasn't sure places were doing it due to coronavirus.

Today I got a FaceTime from my daughter and her dad had taken her into Claire's accessories to get her ears pierced. He hasn't even discussed it with me or let me know. I am more hurt than angry as I feel that's a mummy and daughter activity and I would have at least liked to have been there for it.

After explaining to him that I am disappointed he has apologised. However, I can't help feeling still sad. Also, I went to see my daughter to see her ears and she was telling me that my ex MIL was telling my daughter to tell me that "if you're not fast, your last". This has really pissed me off and I've sent her a text.

AIBU?

OP posts:
CarrieFour · 04/08/2020 20:21

@Thisismytimetoshine

"Why? As experiences go is that really the zenith? You need to up your game."

Because my mum took me when I was 7.

And contrary to what people here seem to believe it was a wonderful and exciting day with my mum and I loved it. It's one of my fondest memories of that age and I was very excited.

Funny enough I have other experiences with my child too - am I only allowed 1 that I can enjoy forever? Or can we have multiple positive experiences together?

jessstan2 · 04/08/2020 20:21

@SmileEachDay

A six year old?

Why on earth would you let her get her ears pierced? It’s totally unnecessary. I’m mystified by people who do this - children’s bodies don’t need prettifying.

That's exactly what I thought. It seems odd and inappropriate for such a young child. She might ask for a tattoo when she's seven!

I don't understand what grandmother meant by, "If you're not fast, you're last".

Floraflower3 · 04/08/2020 20:22

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KittyFantastico · 04/08/2020 20:23

What about when she wants the next thing, and the thing after that?

Presumably OP would do what most parents do out there in real life and decide these things on a case by case basis? Just because she said yes to earrings doesn't mean her DD is now on a slippery slope to tattoos at 12, lip fillers at 14, and breast implants at 16.

BarefootHippieChick · 04/08/2020 20:24

You can go with her for the tattoos

😁😁 I just love how narrow minded some people can be. Too funny.

Original poster
thetimehasbegan · 04/08/2020 20:25

@jessstan2 well she can't get a tattoo done at 7 can she? That would be illegal, and permanent. Ear piercings are not and can be taken out.

She meant I wasn't fast enough to take my daughter to get her ears pierced so I missed out.

OP posts:
Graphista · 04/08/2020 20:26

I'd be annoyed that he got it done in Claire's, of all places

Me too! They're shit! They don't train them properly and their hygiene practice is highly dubious!!

When my Dd was ready for hers I took her to an independent jeweller who do it properly - not with a gun!

Op I think you need to give him a heads up on claire's poor practices as an infection or other issue is more likely with them even if you clean etc

Edinburghfalls · 04/08/2020 20:26

I also have no clue what your MIL meant by ‘if you’re not fast, you’re last...’

KittyFantastico · 04/08/2020 20:26

She might ask for a tattoo when she's seven!

And she might not.

Or if she does then she would very quickly realise that there is a legal minimum age for tattoos.

Meanwhile tattoos vs earrings is a ridiculous comparison given that one is permanent and the other isn't. Don't like the earrings or decide you don't want them after all? Take them out and let them heal. Even once the holes are permanent, they're tiny and barely visible, easy enough to simply not wear earrings if you don't want to.

Original poster
thetimehasbegan · 04/08/2020 20:26

I'm sure it doesn't make any difference to the anti piercers but she is 7 in 3 weeks.

OP posts:
Edinburghfalls · 04/08/2020 20:27

Oh just seen you post - we cross posted. What a stupid woman..

MorganKitten · 04/08/2020 20:27

[quote thetimehasbegan]@MorganKitten did you not read the part where I said I would wait a while to get her ears pierced due to COVID? [/quote]
Why did he think it was ok during Covid to do it? Also why in Claire’s which is known for dodgy piercings.

FelicityPike · 04/08/2020 20:28

@Edinburghfalls

I also have no clue what your MIL meant by ‘if you’re not fast, you’re last...’
That her dad did it first and they knew mum wouldn’t be happy because SHE (mum) would want to be there to witness a stranger punching unneeded holes into the child.
KittyFantastico · 04/08/2020 20:28

I also have no clue what your MIL meant by ‘if you’re not fast, you’re last...’

It basically means "if you snooze, you lose". So if OP wanted to tale DD to get them done then she should have gotten in there first and got them done before the ex-H did.

Original poster
thetimehasbegan · 04/08/2020 20:29

I genuinely don't think ex knew about Claire's not having the best reputation for piercings. I think it was spur of the moment and genuinely think he was unaware of that fact.

OP posts:
AteAllTheAfterEights · 04/08/2020 20:29

Bit young IMO but that aside...

He should’ve asked
I would have been furious that they were done with a gun in Claire’s
He was ripped off

My DD’s cost £40 in a reputable piercing studio with flat backed titanium studs. No ‘special after care solution required’ just salt water

CarrieFour · 04/08/2020 20:29

It would be interesting to do a study into the teenage trust/rebellion issues between those who forbid things like ear piercing/hair dye/expressive clothing etc etc in their kids and those who discuss it, make sure their children weigh up the positives and negatives, fully understand the process.

Because my best friend at school whose parents forbade all of those things is the one who ended never speaking to them again as soon as she had the chance to get out.

Sure 6 is different to pre-teen for an ear lobe piercing. But the way some of you are harping on about ear piercing I can't see you'd allow it on a 13 year old either.

SmileEachDay · 04/08/2020 20:30

To the anti-ear piercing brigade, fuck off you stupid bats

Ahhhh....bless you 😂

cansu · 04/08/2020 20:30

You probably should have discussed it but judging by what you have said here that would simply have led to a row about how you felt it should be a mother-daughter thing. Quite frankly I think that no one under 10 should really be getting their ears pierced. It just seems so unnecessary for a 6 year old.

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 04/08/2020 20:30

My issue is that as a facial beauty therapist, I am not physically allowed to work as no treatments are currently permitted on the face.

I know ears are technically not on the face as such but they are as close as can be. Claire's Accessories + Pandemic = YANBU.

KittyFantastico · 04/08/2020 20:33

I'm sure it doesn't make any difference to the anti piercers but she is 7 in 3 weeks.

My oldest DD got hers done when she was 6, at a studio with a needle. There was no pain involved, she didn't even realise the piercings had been completed until we told her that was it all finished. No problems looking after them, healed nicely, and she still loves them now nearly three years later. One of the first things we did once they were healed was to teach her to put them in and out for herself so when she's at school she can take them out herself for PE instead of faffing on covering them in tape, she also takes them out for dance class and climbing but leaves them in for swimming and playing out. She wears small studs in various shapes and colours, no hoops. She was not the first child in her class to get them and around here most of the girls get them done by age 9 as that's when they move up to middle school so generally the ones who haven't had it done before then get it done in the summer between first school and middle school.

HolyForkinShirt · 04/08/2020 20:33

I don't think it's a strictly mum and daughter activity. I remember my aunt taking me when I was younger. I can completely see how you would feel like you wanted to be there.

Your ex should have spoke to you, but he has apologised and sounds like you two have an amicable relationship.

Your exMil sounds like a right treat Hmm

KarlKennedysDurianFruit · 04/08/2020 20:38

I would be beyond livid that someone had pierced my child, but because I strongly disagree with piercing children, but as you don't I don't think you have the right to be upset. He's the parent as much as you are, you both agree it's fine to pierce a child. Non issue.

Standrewsschool · 04/08/2020 20:40

He should have discussed it with you, but I don’t see it as a family event.

Yellowfeather · 04/08/2020 20:40

Can't you just take them out and let them close up? And then tell her you'll take her when she's 11, ready for secondary school?

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