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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset my 6 year old got her ears pierced?

328 replies

thetimehasbegan · 04/08/2020 18:49

My ex and I share 50/50 custody of my daughter (nothing in writing). My daughter is 6 and has been asking me for a couple of weeks to get her ears pierced.

I didn't have a problem with this as she is old enough to ask and she understood it would hurt and would both have to keep them clean. I had said though that we would wait a while as I wasn't sure places were doing it due to coronavirus.

Today I got a FaceTime from my daughter and her dad had taken her into Claire's accessories to get her ears pierced. He hasn't even discussed it with me or let me know. I am more hurt than angry as I feel that's a mummy and daughter activity and I would have at least liked to have been there for it.

After explaining to him that I am disappointed he has apologised. However, I can't help feeling still sad. Also, I went to see my daughter to see her ears and she was telling me that my ex MIL was telling my daughter to tell me that "if you're not fast, your last". This has really pissed me off and I've sent her a text.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Villanemme · 04/08/2020 20:01

In a way it's good that he took her because now he knows the daily routine of cleaning them. He might have neglected to do it if he hadn't heard it from the horse's mouth.

FelicityPike · 04/08/2020 20:02

Yes I totally agree, putting unnecessary holes in your child...that’s definitely a “mummy daughter bonding experience”
Oh and gran is definitely a snidey cow!

Bouledeneige · 04/08/2020 20:03

Yeah I wouldn't like it. I think pierced ears look tacky on kids under 14 or so. Sorry!

Bitchinkitchen · 04/08/2020 20:03

@thetimehasbegan

Maybe it's just because it was a lovely bonding day me and my mum had when she took me when I was 8, I just would have liked to take her for some lunch after and seen her all excited about her new piercings.
Why shouldn't he get to have that lovely bonding experience with her?
Pillypocket666 · 04/08/2020 20:05

my kid, my rules
i don't give a flying fuck
good job I didn't ask for your approval, eh
I couldn't care less what a bunch of strangers on the internet think of my parenting decisions
I wouldn't like your opinion, no thank you.
Hmmmm, maybe you want to reconsider why your ex MIL doesn't like you and why they went and had a father daughter day..............

Brieminewine · 04/08/2020 20:06

YABU to go on like it’s some wonderful right of passage between mother and daughter that will be a cherished memory and be a lovely bonding day out. I think you need to get over yourself tbh.

Thisismytimetoshine · 04/08/2020 20:07

You do seem quite... strident, op. No wonder your ex doesn't get into conversations with you. Why should he when his rules carry equal weight to yours, whether you like it or not?

KittyFantastico · 04/08/2020 20:08

At six, they are still babies

A six year old is not a baby.

CarrieFour · 04/08/2020 20:09

Oh goodness. Talk about avoiding the point!!

@thetimehasbegan sorry you have the anti-piercing brigade on your back.

I put a lot of research into ear piercing for my gasp 6 at the time year old getting her ears pierced.

The cartridge system Claire's uses is a lot better than the old fashioned guns.

My daughters never got infected and healed great. She was old enough to know to keep them clean and always wash her hands before touching them.

I would have also felt disappointed about missing out on the experience. My mum took me at a similar age so I wanted to do the same for my DD.

How about once they're healed you go and choose some special earrings together.

Also - I don't rate the Claire's cleaning solution much. Check out something on Amazon called Prontolind. Worked great on myself and my daughter. X

AntoinetteOuradi · 04/08/2020 20:09

OP, I really don't agree that it's a mother/daughter bonding experience.

Also agree with those who say that six is too young. My DD was going to breed Border Collies when she was six. I smiled and nodded, because that's what you do with 6 yr olds.

6 yr olds should be running around and playing, not worrying about their earrings getting pulled out/wet/lost/infected.

you also tell 16 yr old DDs that they are not having tattoos until they are 18

sukiginger · 04/08/2020 20:12

@TheQueef I wanted to be a Ghostbuster.

Derbee · 04/08/2020 20:12

I think it’s gross to pierce little children’s ears, so not sure it’s any worse or better whichever parent does it. He’s not wrong, because you’d both said she could do it. It would be totally different if you were against it and he’d done it anyway.

SideEyeing · 04/08/2020 20:13

Fucksake. AIBU at its worst. OP asked a question based on a certain situation relevant to HER child and HER decisions. Bunch of idiots pile in clutching their pearls and ra-ra-ing about chavvy child abuse and other such bollocks. OP reasonably becomes defensive because that was NOT the issue at hand and and then she's told she's aggressive, strident and rude.

What a bunch of dicks.

Oh and for what it's worth, my DD will have to wait til secondary for ear piercings.. Because that's my personal choice as a parent. Really doesn't make me any better or worse than anyone else. We're talking ear lobe piercing, not a bloody tattoo sleeve.

AntoinetteOuradi · 04/08/2020 20:14

Also a bit weird to be talking about taking her out for lunch after this big, special moment. That's the kind of thing you might do with a teenage girl, not a small child. A 6 yr old isn't a mini adult. There's loads of time to do adult stuff with them once they are, well, a bit more adult.

xolotltezcatlopoca · 04/08/2020 20:15

If you are happy for her to have it done, what's wrong to have it done with daddy? He is her parent too. I don't get this Mummy Daughter bonding thing. You can go to the jewellery shop and choose something special for her and have bonding time too.

BarefootHippieChick · 04/08/2020 20:15

Honestly, I think your ex should have checked with you first simply because I presume you're the main caretaker and therefore will be the one helping her clean and take care of them most. It doesn't really matter who actually went with her. You can help her choose some new ones when she's eventually able to change them.

As for Claires, I'll agree they aren't the best place, especially during a pandemic when you want somewhere with utmost hygiene, but it's done now so just make sure you keep your eye on them and keep them clean.

There are ALWAYS judgy people on ear piercing threads. I had mine done at 4 and I wasn't 'bored' with them after 2 weeks.

Thisismytimetoshine · 04/08/2020 20:17

I would have also felt disappointed about missing out on the experience.
Why? As experiences go is that really the zenith? You need to up your game.

SmileEachDay · 04/08/2020 20:17

because I presume you're the main caretaker

It says it’s 50:50 in the OP.

PhoneLock · 04/08/2020 20:17

Sad , but you can't undo it now

Yes you can. Leave them alone and they will heal up as if nothing had happened.

CarrieFour · 04/08/2020 20:18

Just baffles me the pure amount of MNs who seem to think a child of 6 or 7 "don't know what earrings are" or "are still babies" or "will be bored of them in 2 weeks"

Seems quite the difference of opinions to those same MNs who expect every 3 year old to be able to speak 4 languages, recite Shakespeare, play the cello and be able to make their own organic quinoa granola each morning.

Thisismytimetoshine · 04/08/2020 20:19

I presume you're the main caretaker and therefore will be the one helping her clean and take care of them most.
It's 50/50, it says so clearly in the first line of the op, so why presume anything?

SteelyPanther · 04/08/2020 20:19

My husband does things he knows I won’t want, then apologises.
It’s so he can get his own way.

bridgetreilly · 04/08/2020 20:19

But you'd agreed with your ex that when she asked, she could have them done? So when she asked, he let her have them done. You had already had that discussion.

I think YABVU, tbh, and a bit precious about 'mother/daughter activity'.

randomer · 04/08/2020 20:19

She's not a baby, she wanted it done. Why would I say no?

What about when she wants the next thing, and the thing after that ?

Frazzled2207 · 04/08/2020 20:19

well although I would have been dead against ear piercing at 6, it appears you were ok with the idea so I suppose that makes it ok.

I think your DH should have discussed it with you though.

And the point scoring by your ex MIL is unnecessary.