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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset my 6 year old got her ears pierced?

328 replies

thetimehasbegan · 04/08/2020 18:49

My ex and I share 50/50 custody of my daughter (nothing in writing). My daughter is 6 and has been asking me for a couple of weeks to get her ears pierced.

I didn't have a problem with this as she is old enough to ask and she understood it would hurt and would both have to keep them clean. I had said though that we would wait a while as I wasn't sure places were doing it due to coronavirus.

Today I got a FaceTime from my daughter and her dad had taken her into Claire's accessories to get her ears pierced. He hasn't even discussed it with me or let me know. I am more hurt than angry as I feel that's a mummy and daughter activity and I would have at least liked to have been there for it.

After explaining to him that I am disappointed he has apologised. However, I can't help feeling still sad. Also, I went to see my daughter to see her ears and she was telling me that my ex MIL was telling my daughter to tell me that "if you're not fast, your last". This has really pissed me off and I've sent her a text.

AIBU?

OP posts:

wifesupremacist · 04/08/2020 19:41

@Wishforsnow

YANBU surely things like ear piercing and hair cuts should be left to the mum. I don't see why her father would do this as you are around. At least he apologised.

lmao what

Catmads · 04/08/2020 19:42

@thetimehasbegan
I get it. You can't help how you feel and if you're upset, you're upset.
Whilst it's done now and you can't go back in time, maybe you could plan to take your daughter out and buy her her first proper pair of earrings?
We all parent differently. My mum wouldn't let me get my ears pierced until I was 16 and working and I've worn earrings every day for the past 34 years.
My daughter is 18 and has never had her ears pierced because she doesn't see the point.

SimonJT · 04/08/2020 19:42

@Wishforsnow

YANBU surely things like ear piercing and hair cuts should be left to the mum. I don't see why her father would do this as you are around. At least he apologised.

Why? Are Dads meant to ignore hair that needs cutting?

SmileEachDay · 04/08/2020 19:43

Porcupineinwaiting

Ooooh are you Brazilian? One of my Bffs is and all baby girls there get them done.

I find the reason there hilarious, in a dark sort of way.

(But also have the same concerns I expressed earlier)

JimLovellismyHero · 04/08/2020 19:43

No, definitely no turning of those earrings! (I have... well, more than 8 in my ears, and the majority done by a needle by an APP-registered piercer).

And no 'Claire's special healing stuff' either. You just need sterile saline (from the contact lens section in Boots - costs about £2.50 for 250 ml) decanted into one of the 100ml travel spray bottles. Then use night and morning on the piercing, and (my piercer says he picked up this tip at a piercing convention - and I can concur it works!) dry the piercing briefly with the warm setting on a hairdryer. Do this every day/after any shower/hair wash for at least 2 months (even when you think it's all healed).

It's honestly worth it.

Catmads · 04/08/2020 19:44

@FaiIWorseAgain I took too long posting!

Original poster

thetimehasbegan · 04/08/2020 19:45

@JimLovellismyHero that's another thing, ex said that Claire's wouldn't allow him to get them pierced unless he bought their healing lotion...all in all cost him 67 pounds

OP posts:

JimLovellismyHero · 04/08/2020 19:45

PS - my DDs were over 10 before they got their first piercings. Over 10 years later, one has followed me in having several in both ears, the other has let them grow over. (She'd asked first, then changed her mind. It's allowed.) At 6 years old? No.

Porcupineinwaiting · 04/08/2020 19:46

@SmileEachDay largely Spanish with some Venezuelian and Cuban influences. I do not think there was any reason behind it other than it is thought to look pretty (scandalous and shallow).

Ginger1982 · 04/08/2020 19:47

@SmileEachDay

I couldn't care less what a bunch of strangers on the internet think of my parenting decisions

Buuut you’d like our opinions on your ex’s parenting decisions.

This! 😆

SmileEachDay · 04/08/2020 19:48

Porcupineinwaiting

In Brazil it’s very much because all sorts of offence happens if people can’t immediately tell what sex the baby is.

😳😳😳

Twizbe · 04/08/2020 19:49

I'd have been hurt too. I have a DD and I see ear piercing as a mum and daughter thing.

Original poster

thetimehasbegan · 04/08/2020 19:49

@JimLovellismyHero once again...I don't give a flying fuck whether you would allow it at six years old...I would and since she's my child, that's all that matters.

OP posts:

TheNewLook · 04/08/2020 19:51

It’s a very significant thing. He should definitely have called you and checked you were ok with it.

You are right to feel the way you do OP. Any normal person would see your point.

Porcupineinwaiting · 04/08/2020 19:51

Oh that. Yes in Spain too, at least in my grandmother's time.

TweetUsOnFacebook · 04/08/2020 19:54

Yanbu to have wanted this discussed beforehand. Having a piercing done in a young child is a commitment so you need to be in agreement.

A piercing studio would have done a much better job but what's done is done now. Don't touch or turn the earrings. Leave them completely alone. Clean with saline at least twice a day and don't remove them for 6-8 weeks - the longer the better. If he got the '3 week' lotion from Claire's please don't take it as ok to remove them that quickly, they will not be healed and removing the jewellery makes the wound prone to infection. They can appear to be healed from the outside after the usual period but still be unhealed inside.

SmileEachDay · 04/08/2020 19:55

at least in my grandmother's time

Still going strong in Brazil!!

Runmybathforme · 04/08/2020 19:55

This should definitely be against the law. Why on earth would you do this to a six year old ? Looks awful, very chavvy. At six, they are still babies, and certainly not old enough to make such a decision.

Bemorechicken · 04/08/2020 19:56

I'd hit the roof. But mine had to wait until she was over 11 and we hunted for the right place.

Original poster

thetimehasbegan · 04/08/2020 19:56

@Runmybathforme "very chavvy" ? Well aren't you a delight

OP posts:

Tunnocks34 · 04/08/2020 19:57

I don’t think 6 is particularly young tbh. I had my ears done for my first day in reception, I had begged and begged to have them done for a long time before hand. They never got infected - but then I absolutely was that girl who wore princess dresses, played with dolls, did tea parties etc. Very stereotypical little girl. An adventurer I was not.

I think Yanbu to be disappointed- but I think you ex has apologised and really there’s not much to be done now.

StCharlotte · 04/08/2020 19:58

Also, ear piercing isn't a mother/daughter thing. My dad took me. I still have a great relationship with my mum.

True. My mum and I were really close but she was appalled by ear piercing (no idea why) and I wasn't allowed to have it done until I was 13. My older sister took me. My dad didn't even notice!

spotlovesbedtime · 04/08/2020 19:59

Really sad that any 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7,8 ,9 10, 11....year old have their ears pierced. I wanted mine done at 15/16 Mum said no, my aunt pierced them at her home while on holiday......mum wasn't happy.....but I was 16!! At 6 I probably didn't even know what earrings were? Why are 6 year olds wanting to be beautified? Can't think of anything worse! Princess culture?

Original poster

thetimehasbegan · 04/08/2020 20:00

Maybe it's just because it was a lovely bonding day me and my mum had when she took me when I was 8, I just would have liked to take her for some lunch after and seen her all excited about her new piercings.

OP posts:

Sansastark45 · 04/08/2020 20:01

You sound a delight bet your ex is pleased to not have to be around you !!!!

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