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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset my 6 year old got her ears pierced?

328 replies

thetimehasbegan · 04/08/2020 18:49

My ex and I share 50/50 custody of my daughter (nothing in writing). My daughter is 6 and has been asking me for a couple of weeks to get her ears pierced.

I didn't have a problem with this as she is old enough to ask and she understood it would hurt and would both have to keep them clean. I had said though that we would wait a while as I wasn't sure places were doing it due to coronavirus.

Today I got a FaceTime from my daughter and her dad had taken her into Claire's accessories to get her ears pierced. He hasn't even discussed it with me or let me know. I am more hurt than angry as I feel that's a mummy and daughter activity and I would have at least liked to have been there for it.

After explaining to him that I am disappointed he has apologised. However, I can't help feeling still sad. Also, I went to see my daughter to see her ears and she was telling me that my ex MIL was telling my daughter to tell me that "if you're not fast, your last". This has really pissed me off and I've sent her a text.

AIBU?

OP posts:
thetimehasbegan · 05/08/2020 15:01

This reply has been deleted

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PablosHoney · 05/08/2020 15:13

Ahh that’s harsh @Ibizama

Quackersandcheese3 · 05/08/2020 15:18

There’s a lot of hate for piercing kids ears on Mumsnet. I personally like it . I feel like your ex should have talked to you first though.

JBizz · 05/08/2020 15:19

@Thisismytimetoshine

Not just my area, it was common when I was little (had mine done at 7) and we have moved multiple times due to my husbands job and again everywhere we have ever lived it's not been unusual for children to get their ears pierced around that age.

For people to say is weird for the OPs daughter to have her pierced are seriously sheltered

PablosHoney · 05/08/2020 15:26

I guess it varies from area to area as there was only one child in my kids primary with her ears pierced before year 5 at least, But to call other people’s children chavs is deeply unpleasant

Porcupineinwaiting · 05/08/2020 15:28

Phew @thetimehasbegan bet you're glad you got away with chav. Imagine if you'd made her look Italian!

Spidey66 · 05/08/2020 15:31

I wouldn't describe it like that, but neither do I see it as a necessary procedure in a child of that age, no matter what others thought.

Spidey66 · 05/08/2020 15:47

PS I wouldn't describe myself as sheltered just because I don't agree with it!

PablosHoney · 05/08/2020 15:53

Me neither, I’m originally from a area where it was v popular but it’s not for me. OP your ex should have consulted you and you could have all gone

extremity1 · 05/08/2020 15:59

Wow OP feeling for you right now.

Personally, I think 6 is a great age. Shes old enough to understand as you stated and it gives her some sense of control and responsibility for her own personal hygiene and body choices. All of which are beginning to emerge at this age.

I think you and exdh have made a solid parenting decision regarding it. As, you have both very clearly spoke about it he probably felt very secure in the knowledge that it would be ok. It sounds like he probably did it spur of the moment and didn't think about the bigger picture. I think you definitely have the right to be annoyed as it's a huge milestone and something you wanted to celebrate. I would still take your dd out for lunch and shop for a pair of earrings when you're able to change them.

I'm from a country where ear piercings are offered in the hospital 12-24 hours or so after birth. So very normal to see babies with them. Also super cute!

And pp's this child is not your child so please do keep your judgy pants from getting twisted. It's not a good look. What will the neighbours think if they knew you harboured such animosity to your peers ?

PablosHoney · 05/08/2020 16:03

They might give you a piercing stare? Sorry couldn’t resist 😂

DysonFury · 05/08/2020 16:11

Body piercer here. The only thing I'd be pissed off about is that the piercings were done with a gun (non autoclavable, so not sterile) and in such unclean sterile environment. My DD is 6 and will not be getting her ears pierced for a long time yet.

Spidey66 · 05/08/2020 17:12

Personally, while i wouldn't do it myself, I wouldn't judge other people. It's their own choice and their child.

Becuna · 05/08/2020 17:21

@Divoc2020

You can go with her for the tattoos
Grin Grin Grin
Durgasarrow · 05/08/2020 18:31

Yes, I would most certainly be upset.

Original poster
thetimehasbegan · 05/08/2020 18:37

@Becuna hilarious isn't it?

OP posts:
PrivateD00r · 05/08/2020 19:03

OP I can understand where you are coming from. However it sounds like you and your ex are a pretty good team which is obviously really beneficial to your DD so I would leave it now he has apologised. Ignore mil, she sounds like a plonker.

I hope your dd is pleased with her earrings and that everything is straightforward with healing etc.

Ginger1982 · 05/08/2020 19:29

@extremity1

Wow OP feeling for you right now.

Personally, I think 6 is a great age. Shes old enough to understand as you stated and it gives her some sense of control and responsibility for her own personal hygiene and body choices. All of which are beginning to emerge at this age.

I think you and exdh have made a solid parenting decision regarding it. As, you have both very clearly spoke about it he probably felt very secure in the knowledge that it would be ok. It sounds like he probably did it spur of the moment and didn't think about the bigger picture. I think you definitely have the right to be annoyed as it's a huge milestone and something you wanted to celebrate. I would still take your dd out for lunch and shop for a pair of earrings when you're able to change them.

I'm from a country where ear piercings are offered in the hospital 12-24 hours or so after birth. So very normal to see babies with them. Also super cute!

And pp's this child is not your child so please do keep your judgy pants from getting twisted. It's not a good look. What will the neighbours think if they knew you harboured such animosity to your peers ?

It's totally not 'super cute' but you crack on.
UndertheCedartree · 05/08/2020 19:34

I get where you are coming from. When my DD had her ears pierced it was a big deal to me - a growing up milestone. She was 7 and going up to Junior school. She'd been asking for about a year and lots of her classmates had them done so we decided she could get them in the holidays before starting Juniors. She kept them clean and they were fine and a year later she's not bored of them.

Huns2Getha4Eva · 05/08/2020 20:27

Aww, op, I agree with the poster who says its super cute. I bet you're DD looks like a little lady 😍 but you should of been their for her special moment. xx

Thisismytimetoshine · 05/08/2020 20:34

@Huns2Getha4Eva

Aww, op, I agree with the poster who says its super cute. I bet you're DD looks like a little lady 😍 but you should of been their for her special moment. xx
Your username says it all.
Frenchpastry · 05/08/2020 20:45

Would you have checked in with him before having it done? Really? Because you'd already told your DD that yes she could have them done before you'd spoken to her Dad about it so presumably you would have just taken her to get them done without checking with him as it's a 'mother/daughter' activity. Maybe he saw it as a Daddy/Daughter activity. Unless you can wholeheartedly say that you would have done the same with him, you are being unreasonable.

LaurieFairyCake · 05/08/2020 21:05

I think it's quite unusual to have a primary aged child have their ears pierced where I am - there's one girl in the school near me who has it done. One in about 450 (she is Spanish Grin)

JBizz · 05/08/2020 21:19

@Spidey66

PS I wouldn't describe myself as sheltered just because I don't agree with it!
Might be handy to actually read before replying...

I said you're sheltered if you think it's weird for a 6 year old to get their ears pierced. Not you're sheltered for not liking it.

You can like or dislike anything you want, it's sheltered to think it's not common for children of that age to get their ears pierced.

Thisismytimetoshine · 05/08/2020 21:21

You can like or dislike anything you want, it's sheltered to think it's not common for children of that age to get their ears pierced.
It's not universally common, it may be in your area but lots of posters have told you they live in places where this would not be the norm at all.

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