To be upset my 6 year old got her ears pierced?

[thetimehasbegan]

My ex and I share 50/50 custody of my daughter (nothing in writing). My daughter is 6 and has been asking me for a couple of weeks to get her ears pierced.

I didn't have a problem with this as she is old enough to ask and she understood it would hurt and would both have to keep them clean. I had said though that we would wait a while as I wasn't sure places were doing it due to coronavirus.

Today I got a FaceTime from my daughter and her dad had taken her into Claire's accessories to get her ears pierced. He hasn't even discussed it with me or let me know. I am more hurt than angry as I feel that's a mummy and daughter activity and I would have at least liked to have been there for it.

After explaining to him that I am disappointed he has apologised. However, I can't help feeling still sad. Also, I went to see my daughter to see her ears and she was telling me that my ex MIL was telling my daughter to tell me that "if you're not fast, your last". This has really pissed me off and I've sent her a text.

AIBU?

@HostaFireAndIce

I don’t imagine the OP wants your opinion either.

[quote thetimehasbegan]@SmileEachDay my kid, my rules, exactly. [/quote]
Doesn't the same go for your ex then too?

@MorganKitten did you not read the part where I said I would wait a while to get her ears pierced due to COVID?

YANBU surely things like ear piercing and hair cuts should be left to the mum. I don't see why her father would do this as you are around. At least he apologised.

I would be upset the other parent had not thought to consult you on something so permanent and at least check you didnt have any objections.

what did MIL say to your text? seems an odd statement to make from her.

[quote thetimehasbegan]@SmileEachDay my kid, my rules, exactly. [/quote]
Your ex’s kid, his rules. When in his care. Exactly.

I was six when I had it done & my dad took me. Maybe my mum couldn’t bear to watch?.

He should have told you though.

@TulipsandDa1s1es she's not replied yet, cannot stand the woman. So nice to my face, nasty and judgemental behind my back.

@GCAcademic still wouldn't have done it without speaking to him.

YABU about it being reserved as a 'mummy and daughter activity'.

YANBU about it being done without discussing.

I can see why you're a bit upset by it OP. If it was something my dd wanted done (I don't have a dd) then I would want to be the one that took her.
Your exmil sounds like a right witch.

Is actually classed as assault on a minor.

I used to pierce ears. Hated it, though.

Legally it could be tricky if you didn’t give consent. Let them grow over if you don’t like them.

Personally I think 6 is far far too young.

It's really not a big deal. You said you didn't have an issue with it and she will probably want other piercings along the years you can take her

I wouldn't be happy that my six year old child had her ears pierced during an pandemic and given that facial piercings are not allowed, how come Claire's is still piecing ears?

I know it's not facial but you have to get awfully close to someone to pierce their ears.

Nothing to do with Covid but guns can't be properly sterilised so it's never a good way to piece anything.

Much better to do it with a needle at a proper studio with someone who has been through a real training course, not the sort of training that the people piercing at Claire's get.

And no don't turn the earring just bathe it in salt water, sea salt is best.

You can go with her for the tattoos

It's unnecessary during a pandemic and it would have been better on her ears to have it done at a tattoo shop with a needle.

I was 2 when I had mine done. No regrets at all, they have never been infected or torn and obviously I think 6 is old enough. Waiting until you're 16 or even 18 is really strange to me as all girls in our family have earrings. I'm the youngest at 40+ though (no females born since the 70s) so no idea if the tradition would have continued these days. The issue here is that it was ill planned and should have been agreed in advance to cover when, where etc. And an ex MIL problem.

I think you are getting a hard time in here OP. You seem happy for your DD to get her ears pierced at a young age, just not in a pandemic, but as separated parents I think these types of decisions need to be discussed beforehand. At least your ex apologised!

What I popped on here to comment on was your ex MIL's comment. Totally unnecessary and spiteful, she sounds a real delight - not!

@Divoc2020 yeah, and the nose piercing, lip fillers, Botox etc. Can't wait.

I'd be pissed off he took her to a shit hole like Claire's to get her ears pierced.

How are Clairs even allowed to do this at the minute? How do you do it from 2m away?! I'd be pissed off too OP, but because she's so young he should have phoned you

@Wishforsnow how on earth are haircuts and piercings limited to things for a mum to do?! I’m Baffled by this. I’d fully expect my DH to be involved with all aspects of the care of his children, including both of these things.

Actually, as I’m squeamish and he’s not, he’s more likely to take her for piercings than me!

All the women/girls in our family had them done as babies. Scandalous. And none of us care that it wasnt our decision (even worse).

Only on MN would a 6 year old getting their ears pierced be described as assault on a minor.

MIL is snide. Ex just wanted bonus disney Dad points. Claire's has a bad rep but mine are okay. Not a bonding thing imo but he should have told you. You can bond by choosing earrings with her in 6 weeks time