In Laws own our house but won't spend money on it.

[galavantingthrulife]

It's an endless source of frustration! In laws bought our house before we met as OH was struggling financially and they are well off.
They charge us rent which is slightly below the going rate but refuse to spend any money on it.
It's a fucking nightmare as I cannot divide loyalties with OH and now we are too old and with a less than perfect credit history to buy the damn thing.
It needs a new kitchen but aibu to not pay for it ourselves as we do not own it. To top it off in laws are having a new designer kitchen put in their house which they won't shut up about.
I am so annoyed at living like this!

I think if I wad you I'd have to move somewhere else, where the landlord wasn't family. Sounds tough living like that!

Does it need a new kitchen, or do you want one?

Is the house going to be left to you in their will or what happens? If so I could get why you're staying there, if not then I'd move to a place where the owner maintains the property

but they must spend some money on it as the landlords?

If you are not happy then move out, resentment like this will sour relations. They are not obliged to provide you with a new kitchen provided it meets basic standards of rental accommodation. You won't find many landlords who will be willing to provide you with more than the basics. Downside of renting unfortunately.

Is the house going to be left to you in their will or what happens? If so I could get why you're staying there, if not then I'd move to a place where the owner maintains the property

This^. and see how easy it is for your in laws to find a tenant who will be expecting maintenance to be completed.

Is the house all paid for and your in-laws charge you and your OH rent?

It is willed to us but they may need to sell if they need the money or care home.
The kitchen is 70's and falling apart.

When the next brag about their new kitchen maybe a passive aggressive "You're lucky you own your house and can do that. Our landlord doesn't appear interested in modernising the house we're renting".

It's not yours so you can't make any big changes to it. When you say your too old what do you mean? How old is too old? You can get a mortgage at an older age but you'll have to pay it back faster. Me and dp don't have very good credit ratings because of stupid mistakes we made when we were younger. Totally regret it now as we can't get a mortgage atm. But we're doing everything we can to improve out credit file and pay everything off. We're only in our mid 20s tho and want out own house before we're 30. Surely you should of thought about this before you got 'too old'?

Move then.

Is moving an option? Have you asked for repairs? You could offer it like we will pay for kitchen in return for 50% rent reduction for x many months till paid off.

If your partner stands to inherit it eventually, why wouldn’t you replace the kitchen? They helped him out by providing him with a secure home and now it’s not enough. It really is true that no good deed goes unpunished.

Have you actually looked at getting a mortgage recently?

If your ILs are in their 70s it’s unlikely you’re too old to rule it out.

If you're not happy then move. You're living somewhere and paying below market rent for it. If you're not happy and want a property that is of a higher standard then you will need to pay for that - move and pay market rent. You can't have it both ways, assuming the kitchen is safe.

I'd move out OP.

If you are not happy with the house in its current state and the owners have no desire to make improvements (and you don't wish to pay for the improvements yourself), then you will have to move out, into a rented house of a standard you are happy to live in.

No point letting this come between you and cause a rift in the family. You can not force the in-laws to improve the house, you can only control where you choose to live. Don't waste your life seething over things you can change.

Why can’t you move?

@alsohuman because the in-laws have said the might need to sell it to pay for a care home. So the op might not get the house if that's the case.

Move out.

Have you spoken to them about a new kitchen

If the kitchen is really awful, you could look around for another rental property to see what else you could get for similar money.

But depending on where you are in the country, they might be able to rent the house out easily to someone else anyway, so it's not like they'd be forced to install a new kitchen to get new tenants in if you moved out.

You say they won't spend money on the property. Do they at least have the boiler serviced every year? What's the rest of the house (bathroom, windows, roof, heating, appliances) like? Is the whole place a 1970s time capsule or is it just the kitchen that's dated?

If they're flat out refusing to update the property, would you be willing to put in a cheap modern kitchen yourself, eg Ikea? If it's not huge, it might not cost very much if you do the work yourself.

Is the house going to be left to you in their will or what happens? If so I could get why you're staying there, if not then I'd move to a place where the owner maintains the property

But there are no guarantees the OP and her DH will inheret. They could invest thousands into the property only for the in laws to need expensive care, or they donate the lot to cat's protection etc etc.

I feel for you OP, I also rent off a relative. We pay the market value but our relative ignores all of the maintenance that needs to be done (I shit you not, the property has had next to nothing done to it in 18 years since it was built). Thier justification for this is that we will inherit the property, but I refuse to invest thousands on what is little more than a promise. I would move but I don't want to risk having to move every couple of years or so, like we did before in other private rents because we can't afford to buy.

How much below market rate is your rent? Is it enough that if you bought a kitchen the cost would be recouped in saved rent over the time you intend to stay there? If it’s replacing tatty and old fashioned stuff that’s basically serviceable if grim, then really it’s for your benefit not for the structural maintenance. If they don’t intend to sell, then they’ve no benefit to themselves in making things look nicer.

I can see your frustration: you’re good tenants and houses do need money spent on them periodically. But a lot of redecoration is for the occupants benefit and not as an investment (by the time house is sold it would need redone anyway! Avocado bathroom suites and swirly carpets were once fashionable).

But... I can see their point: they bought their son a house and charge him a reduced rate, and don’t want to be out of pocket any further- assuming they wouldn’t otherwise have set themselves up as landlords.

Could you discuss with them? Say you want to redecorate, is that OK with them, but you don’t want to do it unless you can be in the house for a few more years.

I think I’d just bite the bullet and put in a new kitchen myself. You don’t have to spend loads.