In Laws own our house but won't spend money on it.

[galavantingthrulife]

It's an endless source of frustration! In laws bought our house before we met as OH was struggling financially and they are well off.
They charge us rent which is slightly below the going rate but refuse to spend any money on it.
It's a fucking nightmare as I cannot divide loyalties with OH and now we are too old and with a less than perfect credit history to buy the damn thing.
It needs a new kitchen but aibu to not pay for it ourselves as we do not own it. To top it off in laws are having a new designer kitchen put in their house which they won't shut up about.
I am so annoyed at living like this!

[jessstan2]

In your position I'd fix the kitchen up somehow; it doesn't have to be a complete re-do, just enough to make it workable and decent.

I'm glad the house is willed to you, that's something. If the in laws have to go into care there's no way you would have to leave the house for it to be sold, your rent would count towards the care fees or maybe at that stage you could buy the house at a reduced price. However they may not need paid care, not all elderly people do, many die in their own homes.

Just do what you need to do to patch up the house until it is finally yours and keep a note of all your expenditure so that if it is sold, what you have spent can come off the value. Lots of long term tenants do a certain amount of maintenance on their rented property, especially if they have a low/controlled rent.

[GrolliffetheDragon]

Tbh if there's any possibility that they'll need to pay for social care in the next 5 years ish, I'd get them to give it to oh now as inheritance, because it will just be eaten up otherwise.

Deprivation of Assets could kick in then if the in laws needed care and OP and her DH would lose the house anyway.

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

You need to move out. Apart from a slight reduction in market rent (and her increasing it when you had paid to increase the value of her property was outrageous), you currently have the worst of both worlds - they're acting as though they're doing you a big favour and treat you like children but you're still paying almost market rate.

As for the 'state' you keep it in, if you were jeopardising the integrity of the building or risking vermin infestation, that would be the landlord's business; but if it's just a case of not keeping it sparklingly clean or keeping on top of clutter, that's none of her business whatsoever. It is the landlord's house, but it's your home and you can live however you like/need to, as long as, if/when you move out, it is left as it was when you first moved in.

She/they are using it to control you rather than to do you a favour. I think the boasting about their lovely new kitchen is probably deliberate rather than unthinking. There is a nasty widespread belief that people who rent are somehow less deserving of their home, should be grateful for being 'given' (i.e. paying hundreds each month to rent) somewhere to live and have fewer rights when it comes to it being kept to a reasonable standard. Some snooty home-owning neighbours will even believe that they have more rights over on-street parking and will go over your head and tattle to your landlord over the smallest perceived bad behaviour.

You need to get out of their clutches and to restore the balance of power with a neutral landlord, who won't have a reason to keep visiting and whom you can easily give your notice to (even be honest to any potential new tenants who look around or give any agents a bad review) if they refuse to keep the property satisfactorily maintained.

What does your husband think about it all? Is he on the same page as you?

[MrsKoala]

If the in laws have to go into care there's no way you would have to leave the house for it to be sold, your rent would count towards the care fees or maybe at that stage you could buy the house at a reduced price. However they may not need paid care, not all elderly people do, many die in their own homes.

Can I ask why you say this? Fil bought our house as a gift to us (it’s even in our names). Now he needs care at £6k+ per month and we have been to,d in no uncertain terms that as this is his asset as viewed by them that we are liable to either pay his care bill or sell the house. It would be the same if he had tenants in it. It’s a second home from his residence and it’s considered his asset which is the same as money in the bank to them.

[Chig]

I would move.

[innitbloodysuper]

My partner rents his house to his son and wife, and it's a total nightmare due to them constantly wanting money spending on it. Theirs too is below the normal rental rate and I would describe it as in an untidy state as you describe. But we haven't untidied it, they have. And because of this, a lot of things have become tired looking and in need of work. The bathroom was perfectly fine when they moved in, with a new bath being fitted. But they didn't open the window when showering, and now there is thick black mould which they refuse to clean and instead want a new bathroom suite. Same for the kitchen, the tiles have never been scrubbed, cupboards have been slammed shut and left hanging by the hinges. It's a mess...so they want a new kitchen. My partner will only pay for significant structural repairs, the rest is down to them as they are the ones who have got it in that state in the first place. I understand your kitchen is old, but cupboards can be painted, tiles can be replaced.

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

It means nothing concrete if a property is currently willed to you. The owner can change their mind (and will) at any time, take out a life-mortgage on it to release equity (i.e. pre-sell it to a finance company who will then own it on their death) or be forced to sell it to pay for care.

It's nice to know their intentions and hope they don't change, but until you have actually inherited it, you can't rely on anything whatsoever.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

How long has your OH been in this house? Why is your credit rating so poor? Do you have a realistic chance of moving elsewhere?

It doesn’t sound like the arrangement really works for any of you - your MiL doesn’t like the way you look after the property and may wish she had better access to the funds invested in it. You don’t like the property in its current state and resent your PiL’s better financial situation. And if the property is a nest egg for PiL that they may need to sell for care home fees, that may well make it precarious for you just at a point your own income is likely to be going down.

If you can get out, that would probably be wise for the sake of your relationship with your PiL as well as your housing situation. But only if it’s financially savvy to do so.

If you’re currently at below market rate and you have poor credit, it might make more sense to knuckle down and save for a while in order to improve your credit rating and potentially get into a position where you can buy. Try to be dispassionate about it and think of your choices as though your landlord were a stranger not your PiL. Choices you make with regard to housing have the potential to impact your life for decades to come.

[MrsNoah2020]

@jessstan2

In your position I'd fix the kitchen up somehow; it doesn't have to be a complete re-do, just enough to make it workable and decent.

I'm glad the house is willed to you, that's something. If the in laws have to go into care there's no way you would have to leave the house for it to be sold, your rent would count towards the care fees or maybe at that stage you could buy the house at a reduced price. However they may not need paid care, not all elderly people do, many die in their own homes.

Just do what you need to do to patch up the house until it is finally yours and keep a note of all your expenditure so that if it is sold, what you have spent can come off the value. Lots of long term tenants do a certain amount of maintenance on their rented property, especially if they have a low/controlled rent.

This is wishful thinking, I'm afraid. The house absolutely can be sold for care costs and there is no right for the value of any improvements by the OP to be taken off the sale price. If the OP and her DH are staying, they should speak to a solicitor about how any investment they make in the house can be protected. But why stay when they are clearly not happy?

[morethanafortnight]

Rents round here are £700 For a house?

Blimey, whereabouts are you - even titchy houses round here are twice that.

[Alsohuman]

That’s insane MrsKoala. How can it possibly be your Fil’s asset if it’s in your names?

[MrsNoah2020]

@Alsohuman

That’s insane MrsKoala. How can it possibly be your Fil’s asset if it’s in your names?

Probably because it's considered deliberate deprivation of assets link

[titchy]

I am so annoyed at living like this!

So why are you choosing to?

[BendyLikeBeckham]

@SchadenfreudePersonified bloody hell that sounds Dickensian

[BarbaraofSeville]

Rents round here are £700 For a house

Yes, for a whole house. For a whole month.

£700 pm is a perfectly normal rent in much of the country. It's £1400 a month for a titchy house that's not normal.

[Nottherealslimshady]

Move out and rent somewhere else. She'll realise her mistake when she has to spend money on it for new tenants.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Move out.

Cancel the cheque.

[AskingforaBaskin]

If you're here just to moan then carry on. Your MIL is bang out of order.

But if you actually want something to change then you need to get your own arse in gear and make the changes.

You don't mention DP much. What does he say about mummy dearest ripping you off?
What would happen if you told him tonight you are leaving that house in 3 months?
Do you have family near by you could stay with for a little bit?
I would pull up Rightmove now and start making enquires.

Or keep moaning but you need to accept that this is it.

[Alsohuman]

So, how far back counts as deprivation of assets? Ten years? 20? 30? There are so many people giving their kids house deposits now, are we all storing up trouble for ourselves?

[zaffa]

@MrsKoala how long ago did he buy the house? I think if it's within a certain length of time (I want to say seven years but I could be wrong) i think it is viewed as part of the estate - a bit like inheritance tax and gifting significant sums of money to children etc and then passing away shortly after.
I'm not exactly sure but I would think if it was a fairly recent purchase the it could be seen that he bought that house in your name to diminish his assets and therefor reduce the portion of the care bill that he would pay for before the state stepped in.

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

Can I ask why you say this? Fil bought our house as a gift to us (it’s even in our names). Now he needs care at £6k+ per month and we have been to,d in no uncertain terms that as this is his asset as viewed by them that we are liable to either pay his care bill or sell the house. It would be the same if he had tenants in it. It’s a second home from his residence and it’s considered his asset which is the same as money in the bank to them.

Doesn't it usually depend on how long ago the property was given to you and if it can be considered that it was done in order to deliberately avoid having to pay for care? If it was given to you when he was fit and well and maybe seven years have passed (that's the duration for not having to pay inheritance tax), they can't say that you're liable. If there's no line in the sand, they could theoretically state that any money he ever gave or spent on your DH (as his biological child) once he reached adulthood (including any maintenance payments whilst at uni), you (as his 'child' by marriage) or indeed anybody he ever gave money or gifts to other than in exchange for goods or services can be demanded to be repaid. That would mean that nobody ever had full agency to give anybody anything outright - it could only ever be considered a potential gift, until the giver has died without needing any state funding for care - which is ridiculous.

[Alsohuman]

@Nottherealslimshady

Move out and rent somewhere else. She'll realise her mistake when she has to spend money on it for new tenants.

Except she won’t. She’ll sell it. Which is probably exactly what she wants to do anyway.

[ittakes2]

Move?

[SierraOscar]

I was in this situation. We lived in a house owned by my MIL, we paid slightly below the market rent. She refused to get work done to the house. My dad steeped in a did a few emergency repairs to things that were dangerous- she didn't even say thank you!

This was the final straw for me, in the next 3 years DH and I saved like crazy. I took in an extra part time job. DH sold a few of his treasured possessions and we bought our own house.

Yes we had to wait 3 years and sacrificed holidays etc, but it was worth it!

[MrsNoah2020]

MrsKoala how long ago did he buy the house? I think if it's within a certain length of time (I want to say seven years but I could be wrong) i think it is viewed as part of the estate - a bit like inheritance tax and gifting significant sums of money to children etc and then passing away shortly after

You're right about 7 years and inheritance tax, but that only applies when the person who has given the gift has died. The rules are different - and more complicated - when the donor is still living,. There is case law (Yule v South Lanarkshire Council) that there is no limit on how far back a local authority can go to reclaim the value of assets that have been given away. But this doesn't mean that the Council can come after every fiver your parents have ever given you for Christmas. The law on this is complicated and evolving - the OP needs legal advice if she stays.