You need to move out. Apart from a slight reduction in market rent (and her increasing it when you had paid to increase the value of her property was outrageous), you currently have the worst of both worlds - they're acting as though they're doing you a big favour and treat you like children but you're still paying almost market rate.
As for the 'state' you keep it in, if you were jeopardising the integrity of the building or risking vermin infestation, that would be the landlord's business; but if it's just a case of not keeping it sparklingly clean or keeping on top of clutter, that's none of her business whatsoever. It is the landlord's house, but it's your home and you can live however you like/need to, as long as, if/when you move out, it is left as it was when you first moved in.
She/they are using it to control you rather than to do you a favour. I think the boasting about their lovely new kitchen is probably deliberate rather than unthinking. There is a nasty widespread belief that people who rent are somehow less deserving of their home, should be grateful for being 'given' (i.e. paying hundreds each month to rent) somewhere to live and have fewer rights when it comes to it being kept to a reasonable standard. Some snooty home-owning neighbours will even believe that they have more rights over on-street parking and will go over your head and tattle to your landlord over the smallest perceived bad behaviour.
You need to get out of their clutches and to restore the balance of power with a neutral landlord, who won't have a reason to keep visiting and whom you can easily give your notice to (even be honest to any potential new tenants who look around or give any agents a bad review) if they refuse to keep the property satisfactorily maintained.
What does your husband think about it all? Is he on the same page as you?