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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In Laws own our house but won't spend money on it.

205 replies

galavantingthrulife · 30/06/2020 16:37

It's an endless source of frustration! In laws bought our house before we met as OH was struggling financially and they are well off.
They charge us rent which is slightly below the going rate but refuse to spend any money on it.
It's a fucking nightmare as I cannot divide loyalties with OH and now we are too old and with a less than perfect credit history to buy the damn thing.
It needs a new kitchen but aibu to not pay for it ourselves as we do not own it. To top it off in laws are having a new designer kitchen put in their house which they won't shut up about.
I am so annoyed at living like this!

OP posts:
HappyHammy · 30/06/2020 18:19

I would move. You will be forever in her debt and dependent on her and that just causes problems and resentment. Let them sell it. They wont be able to let it out to anyone else in its current condition.

averythinline · 30/06/2020 18:19

move
they won't change - why would they? whats in it for them...?
its not like they are letting you have it super cheap......if your OH wont move then I would go myself ...seriously could not be that beholden and I bet they are not doing anything properly like gas safety/ paying tax either... they will soon get a shock if have to get 'proper' tenants in..
I certainly wouldnt be sitting around listening to crap about their house/kitchen either - if you work those hours then your time off should be for you.......if you are working so long and still struggling to pay rent have you checked out Universal credit...?
the only way to deal with people like that is to call their bluff

crosseyedMary · 30/06/2020 18:19

You sound rather bitter that they have more money than you
they are understandably tired of a frustrating situation and searching for a workable solution
I wouldnt interpret that as being 'bitter'

MrsKoala · 30/06/2020 18:20

If it’s seen as their second home/rental property/investment and they never lived in it then it will be viewed as an asset should they need care. We have had similar with fil buying our house. You either will then need to pay their care fees or sell the house.

If you are paying less than market rent is it enough that can you save a deposit for somewhere else? I’d be candid with them and say you will be looking for somewhere else to rent. If they want to keep it as a rental they will need to do improvements otherwise no one will rent it or they will have to sell it.

crosseyedMary · 30/06/2020 18:22

She then lectured usa bout the "state" of the property
that's why she wants you there, she enjoys the power, she likes being able to treat you as mere children, it gives her a buzz

Saz12 · 30/06/2020 18:24

Sorry OP I type too slowly to see your update!
For £100 pcm, and her having reviewed the rent immediately after you did work upstairs, I’d move out.
Rent somewhere you like instead, and economise somewhere else to save the £100. You clearly can’t abide the woman and don’t trust her, so why have your home tied to her?

UltimateWednesday · 30/06/2020 18:26

How many years has he been saving £100 pm for? I imagine that would cover the cost of a few modernisations but yes, agree with others, you should move.

SecretMillionaire · 30/06/2020 18:27

Do your in laws need your rental income to support themselves currently?

If not, given that they intend to leave the property to you, would they consider making you tenants in common? They could gift a percentage or calculate a percentage based upon the rental payments already received. This would only be be an option if it was unencumbered. You could buy further shares from them later on if you were in a position to do so.

SunshineCake · 30/06/2020 18:28

Do something about it or accept it. Your only option.

Talk to them. Move.

MintyMabel · 30/06/2020 18:29

She then lectured usabout the "state" of the property and if we couldn't keep it tidy she would sell.

If you aren’t keeping it well, why should she spend money on it?

NerrSnerr · 30/06/2020 18:35

Just move out. Spend a bit more for somewhere nicer.

Regularsizedrudy · 30/06/2020 18:35

Rent or buy somewhere else?

Seeingadistance · 30/06/2020 18:39

Just move.

Roselilly36 · 30/06/2020 18:43

Has yr OH talked to his parents about the kitchen? Have they seen the kitchen recently? If the kitchen is an issue for you, perhaps you & OH can move and pay market rent in a house with a better kitchen?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 30/06/2020 18:49

Get the house valued in its current condition see if you can get a mortgage?

What's the point of that? Mortgage lenders don't tend to give you a loan secured on a place that's owned by somebody else....

Leeds2 · 30/06/2020 18:49

Move out, as others have said. Rent, if you can't buy. You will feel much better having non family as landlords.

Itwasntme1 · 30/06/2020 18:50

I’m not really clear why you still live there? Just move.

AgathaX · 30/06/2020 18:51

Is renting somewhere else an option? If it is then do that. If not then you really have no choice but to put up with it at the time being, until such time as you can move.

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 30/06/2020 18:53

I'd move too. Check to see if you can get a mortgage now. Buy something newer and more energy efficient witha decent kitchen. Give them on month notice once you exchange on the new house you buy then move. They way they act I wouldn't want to buy the house you are in. They could get nasty if you say you will buy somewhere else, keep it all under cover till last minute.

dontdisturbmenow · 30/06/2020 18:53

So your saving £1200 each year paying less rent than you would otherwise. Pay for anew kitchen yourself.

Most LLs only put a new kitchen when they get new tenants and put the rent up. You lived in when the kitchen was already old so you knew.

You can't have your cake and eat it. Rent from a private LL and pick a place that's just been redone, or accept the compromises that come with a cheaper rent.

Jeremyironsnothing · 30/06/2020 18:53

Pay the market rent and get a house you actually like - or at least talk about it and see if that pushes them. Talk about how you want a kitchen like their new one and that you'll have to move to get it.

Itisbetter · 30/06/2020 18:55

Just rent your own home and then you can do as you pkease

Waveysnail · 30/06/2020 18:55

Buy the house back off them?

Alsohuman · 30/06/2020 18:56

Am I the only one wondering where OH is in all this? My guess is that he’s perfectly happy with the kitchen and is caught in the middle of all the drama. I’d bet my house that he’d be extremely reluctant to give up his secure tenancy to rent somewhere else where he might find himself having to move every year.

Zeusthemoose · 30/06/2020 19:00

I'd move tbh. Couldn't stand being held over a barrel like this and they obviously enjoy the power. There's a distinct possibility you won't inherit the house anyway. Imagine hanging on in a place your not really happy in and it's sold anyway. Forget the inheritance and move somewhere else. If your DH does end up with it in the future it's a bonus.

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