Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In Laws own our house but won't spend money on it.

205 replies

galavantingthrulife · 30/06/2020 16:37

It's an endless source of frustration! In laws bought our house before we met as OH was struggling financially and they are well off.
They charge us rent which is slightly below the going rate but refuse to spend any money on it.
It's a fucking nightmare as I cannot divide loyalties with OH and now we are too old and with a less than perfect credit history to buy the damn thing.
It needs a new kitchen but aibu to not pay for it ourselves as we do not own it. To top it off in laws are having a new designer kitchen put in their house which they won't shut up about.
I am so annoyed at living like this!

OP posts:
comingintomyown · 30/06/2020 17:37

As you say they refuse to spend on it I assume you have asked ?

Why don’t you just look for somewhere else for your budget and move if you find anything better ?

Durgasarrow · 30/06/2020 17:38

If there is a good chance they'd have to sell it to pay nursing home fees, nobody should bother fixing it up. If they want to give you and husband at least a percentage of the home so you have a stake in it, that's different. If they would have a hard time finding tenants unless the kitchen is updated and that would not be good for them, ask them to give you a mortgage of the amount of whatever the kitchen would cost to fix up and then you can pay for it, if that share can't be taken away from you legally if the house needs to be sold (I don't know UK law).

PotteringAlong · 30/06/2020 17:39

Just move? Surely that the one massive positive of renting that you can just up and go relatively easily?

LaurieFairyCake · 30/06/2020 17:40

They can just give you the house (as long as they survive 7 years no IHT to pay) - why are they waiting?

Why can't you afford to buy it if you've been paying less than market rent for years - is it really expensive? Confused

DianaT1969 · 30/06/2020 17:42

You can turn your credit rating around in 2 years I believe by maintaining repayments and using credit wisely. Perhaps get advice on that? If you can both increase your earning power and maintain that for a couple of years you could be paying off your own mortgage instead of theirs. It will take determination, or perhaps a move to a cheaper area.

MrsNoah2020 · 30/06/2020 17:43

@MandosHatHair

They helped him out by providing him with a secure home and now it’s not enough. It really is true that no good deed goes unpunished.

Well it's not really a selfless act is it? They have secure tenants who they trust to look after the place. Yes OP is paying slightly less rent but if they were to put it on the rental market they would have to pay to get the property up to a decent standard and pay agents fees (a decent percentage if they want full management).

They bought him a home and are presumably charging rent to cover the mortgage. Assuming they are retired, how else would they cover it? I doubt they wanted to tie up a chunk of their life-savings on the deposit on a house, but they did it to help their son out - and he's not even grateful.

OP, why don't you either ask them if you could buy it off them in instalments (take legal advice about your position if they die before you have done so though), or move out and rent somewhere else?

crosseyedMary · 30/06/2020 17:50

I wouldnt have my inlaws lording it over me like that, I'd move but then of course you lose the nice cheap rent

they of course know all this and are enjoying rubbing your nose in your subordination
I would drop hints about moving and see what sort of noises they make, they may show some alarm at losing control of you both and you can potentially use that to manipulate them into sorting that house out

SoloMummy · 30/06/2020 17:54

@galavantingthrulife
Tbh if there's any possibility that they'll need to pay for social care in the next 5 years ish, I'd get them to give it to oh now as inheritance, because it will just be eaten up otherwise.
If they won't do this, then you have 3 choices :.
Negotiate lower rent and pay yourselves
Rent elsewhere
Put up with it

Dragongirl10 · 30/06/2020 17:54

You could move, but you have the advantage of not being asked to vacate except for possible care home fees, which is perfectly reasonable. In private rental you could be given notice frequently.....

This is a big advantage so either pay for a new kitchen yourselves, or move on.
You sound rather bitter that they have more money than you.

ProfessorSlocombe · 30/06/2020 17:56

Yes. My mum is in that position. She has a rental property but she's run out of other capital to pay her care fees. The council pushed and pushed to get us to sell it, but eventually agreed to take the rental on it towards her fees, but with the instance that it is sold immediately on her death.

And tough titty if that's at the bottom of a slump ...

Nousernameforme · 30/06/2020 17:58

If their old kitchen is still serviceable why not see if you can have that one

MrsNoah2020 · 30/06/2020 18:05

[quote SoloMummy]@galavantingthrulife
Tbh if there's any possibility that they'll need to pay for social care in the next 5 years ish, I'd get them to give it to oh now as inheritance, because it will just be eaten up otherwise.
If they won't do this, then you have 3 choices :.
Negotiate lower rent and pay yourselves
Rent elsewhere
Put up with it[/quote]
MN is a strange place, sometimes. Posters who want their parents to look after their DC once in a blue moon get told they are entitled. Meanwhile, these parents, who have helped out their adult son in his hour of need and presumably spent a big chunk of their savings on a deposit, are supposed to just hand the house over to him? What happens if they need the money to cover care home costs?

No one has been forcing the OP and her DH to live there. If they don't like it, why don't they just move out and rent somewhere else?

UltimateWednesday · 30/06/2020 18:05

I understand why you'd be frustrated at having a landlord who wont do basics maintenance but it that what this is? I.e is it a functional but dated/shabby kitchen or it not really not fit for purpose?

What would the rent be on a similiar but modernised property locally? Would they do the work if you offered them that?

I think it is quite common for people with security of tenure to do work on their rented homes with no expectation of getting the money back. They spend it so they can have the house they want to live in, I know lots of council tenants who have fitted new bathrooms etc.

Ultimately, if you don't like the house or the landlord, your option is to fund another one.

Porcupineinwaiting · 30/06/2020 18:05

If you are living there at below market rent why eouldnt you pay for it? Long term rental isnt like short term, insecure rental, its normal to put in carpets, kitchens etc .

2bazookas · 30/06/2020 18:06

I've seen kitchens and bathrooms installed in the 1970s (and far earlier) which are still perfectly servicable, and still attracting good rent and good tenants.

If the OH was able to pay the rent by himself before OP moved in I'm wondering why between them, they can't now afford either, a higher rent to move to a better property. or, install a better kitchen for their own benefit.

Original poster
galavantingthrulife · 30/06/2020 18:08

We pay £600 a month rent. Rents round here are £700. I did say to OH i wish they would sign it over to him and we pay rent that way I don't mind spending money. We have decorated upstairs and bought new carpet and to thank us she put the rent up £50!
She is very mean witth money (they are wealthy)
Last year shewrote usa note saying she needed to talk to usabout the property. She then lectured usabout the "state" of the property and if we couldn't keep it tidy she would sell. At this point I was desperate to show her that awful tenant tv programme!
Her house is immaculate as she has time. Both myself and OH work 14 hour days and whilst it is a bit untidy it's not unhygienic.

OP posts:
SilverOtter · 30/06/2020 18:09

Honestly, I'd let her sell it and move somewhere nice!

willowmelangell · 30/06/2020 18:09

Well don't pay for improvements yourselves!
You don't own the house and might prompt the owners to get a valuation on it.
Have a google on what you can get for the rent you are paying.
It will be a long long time before an inheritance happens. No guarantees. Nothing set in stone. Nothing reliable.
Start saving for deposit and rent.

ShadowMane · 30/06/2020 18:12

Move out then

SchadenfreudePersonified · 30/06/2020 18:13

I grew up like this.

My paternal grandmother (Horrible Nanna) owned the house. Parents paid slightly-less-than-market rent.

Horrible Nanna wouldn't spend money on house because they were "getting it cheap"; parents wouldn't spend anything on the house because "it wasn't theirs". Parent's "couldn't afford" to move out (but both drank/smoked), plus my dad "didn't want to upset" his mother by being "ungrateful". (That bloody old witch caused more trouble between them . . . )

I slept in the attic. There was no electricity to the attic, or heating. The skylights leaked and there was nowhere i could put my bed the didn't get soaked when it rained or snowed. In winter in particular I froze (quite literally - I have women up with my hair and face frozen against the window pane). I was alway ill. Colds, chest infections, coughs, circulation problems. I still can't forgive any of them and they have all been dead for years. (There is much more to this, as you can probably guess)

Move out as soon as you can and find somewhere you can enjoy living, even if it costs a bit more.

WineGummyBear · 30/06/2020 18:13

The issue here is that they already think they are doing you a favour.

You want more.

Would £700 a month get you a nicer house? Or comparable?

QuestionMarkNow · 30/06/2020 18:14

Move or even better buy.
The £100 difference isn't worth it

littlefireseverywhere · 30/06/2020 18:15

I think under these circumstances I’d move. I’d rent another property in a different or cheaper area, so that they’re not owning your house. Or Sort out your credit rating & buy something in cheap as a project to do up, as & when.

Saz12 · 30/06/2020 18:18

The parents may well not have the money to give the house away! The rent will be part of their income (or used to cover a mortgage). It’s a bit off to complain that they are on a power trip because they’ve not given the son something they themselves need. They could both have 10-15 years of relatively healthy active retirement they’ve saved for and now want to enjoy, and giving their son a major asset may well put an end to that.

Your best option depends on how much your rent is being subsidised by the in-laws: £2 a month you move out, £200 a month and you do the work yourselves if you want it to look nicer.

sar302 · 30/06/2020 18:18

Just move!

You don't need to live in it, you don't need to buy it. Presumably your OH is not in the same precarious financial state he was when they originally bought the house. Just move and rent somewhere else. Build up your credit score and savings, and buy when and if it's possible for you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread