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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In Laws own our house but won't spend money on it.

205 replies

galavantingthrulife · 30/06/2020 16:37

It's an endless source of frustration! In laws bought our house before we met as OH was struggling financially and they are well off.
They charge us rent which is slightly below the going rate but refuse to spend any money on it.
It's a fucking nightmare as I cannot divide loyalties with OH and now we are too old and with a less than perfect credit history to buy the damn thing.
It needs a new kitchen but aibu to not pay for it ourselves as we do not own it. To top it off in laws are having a new designer kitchen put in their house which they won't shut up about.
I am so annoyed at living like this!

OP posts:

MandosHatHair · 30/06/2020 17:02

They helped him out by providing him with a secure home and now it’s not enough. It really is true that no good deed goes unpunished.

Well it's not really a selfless act is it? They have secure tenants who they trust to look after the place. Yes OP is paying slightly less rent but if they were to put it on the rental market they would have to pay to get the property up to a decent standard and pay agents fees (a decent percentage if they want full management).

CoRhona · 30/06/2020 17:04

If you're planning to be there for a number of years I'd do it. Life is too short to sit and be bitter that it's not being done as quickly as you want it.

Either move somewhere with a nicer kitchen and presumably pay more rent, or get it done yourselves.

MintyChops · 30/06/2020 17:06

I would move if at all possible.

HappyHammy · 30/06/2020 17:07

If its unsafe they should have it upgraded. If its just old and tired can you just replace the doors and worktops. How much needs doing.

Alsohuman · 30/06/2020 17:10

Well it's not really a selfless act is it?

Isn’t it? I doubt they’d have bought the place, with all the associated costs, and tied up a considerable amount of money if not to provide their son with a secure home. It doesn’t sound as if they’d have chosen to be landlords under any other circumstances.

Viviennemary · 30/06/2020 17:12

Going off recent threads I wouldn't rely on inheriting the house. Perhaps it's time for you to move on. Say you'll go half for a new kitchen.

slipperywhensparticus · 30/06/2020 17:14

Get the house valued in its current condition see if you can get a mortgage? It's not going to be worth as much without a decent kitchen

viques · 30/06/2020 17:17

@MandosHatHair

They helped him out by providing him with a secure home and now it’s not enough. It really is true that no good deed goes unpunished.

I agree, not to mention they have the peace of mind knowing that the rent will be paid and that you won't trash the joint, cause problems with the neighbours, set up a cannabis farm in the attic, or use it as a pop up brothel.

I think you ought to start researching some "bad tenant" stories and printing them out. Maybe they don't realise that a couple of months with out rent, or having to go through the pain of evicting a tenant and deal with the mess they could leave behind versus a decent kitchen and a bit of upgrading is a no brainer.

I assume they are either mortgage free on your property, or at least a very small mortgage, so to reinvest part of the rent they are getting would be a sensible investment on the property to keep it in line with the value of others in the area.

CreditCrackers · 30/06/2020 17:20

Move out. Do not update the kitchen yourself. They'll just use it as an excuse to increase your rent.

Zaphodsotherhead · 30/06/2020 17:20

Just as a matter of pure interest...

if they own the house but have sitting tenants, could they be forced to sell to pay for fees? I mean, if it meant making people homeless? And would the house be offered to the tenants first?

I'm just curious, really.

Charleyhorses · 30/06/2020 17:21

As I read it they bought it for their son to live in.
If you move out, they may well be glad to sell and get their capital back.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 30/06/2020 17:24

Since you're paying only "slightly" below the going rate, why not simply move?

Saz12 · 30/06/2020 17:25

If OP moves out, then they’d just sell up, surely? They bought to give their son a subsidised home, not as an investment. I’d guess that given they’re both in their mid-70’s they’d not now decide to become landlords.

OP’s choice is to pay market rent on a less secure tendency elsewhere, spend money on the work themselves, or live there as is.

The parents won’t benefit from the work increasing the market value of property, (unless they evict), as either they’ll be dead or it’ll be sold for care home fees. So I don’t see why they should feel obligated do the decorative work now.

MandosHatHair · 30/06/2020 17:25

No it's really not, they obviously had some money to invest and found a good way to invest thier money and help thier son out at the same time. All the while they are accepting rent from thier son they are obliged to maintain the property. If the kitchen is from the 70s then it's been in near daily use for 50 years. Even the best quality kitchen will be at least beginning to deteriorate at that age.

saraclara · 30/06/2020 17:26

Have you had a conversation with them at all, about this? And how much less than the going rate, are you paying?

If it's considerably less, and you wouldn't get anything comparable for that money, I'd have a talk with them, explain that you wouldn't get your money back on anything you do to the house, if they need care, and suggest that you get a quote for what needs doing, and come to a compromise where you each contribute?

If it's not much less, then the conversation needs to be the same, but without the offer to pay. But make it clear you're not looking for a fancy designer kitchen like theirs, just something IKEA style maybe. And point out that if the house does need to be sold in the near future, you're going to need all your cash to find somewhere to live.

saltycat · 30/06/2020 17:27

Sad that they will not just gift it their son and be done with it. They seem to like to like to have a bit of control over you since it will be left in the will. That smacks of blackmail to me. Stay there, do it up and it will be yours.

But of course there are no guarantees of that inheritance either as OP mentioned.

I don't think I personally could live under such a shaky arrangement at all.

I would ask them to gift it to your partner, and if they refuse, I would go. Personally speaking. I mean no disrespect, but it does sound like a win win arrangement for the parents doesn't it?

saraclara · 30/06/2020 17:29

@Zaphodsotherhead

Just as a matter of pure interest...

if they own the house but have sitting tenants, could they be forced to sell to pay for fees? I mean, if it meant making people homeless? And would the house be offered to the tenants first?

I'm just curious, really.

Yes. My mum is in that position. She has a rental property but she's run out of other capital to pay her care fees. The council pushed and pushed to get us to sell it, but eventually agreed to take the rental on it towards her fees, but with the instance that it is sold immediately on her death.

We know that the long term tenant isn't in a position to buy it, so the poor woman will be on the street as soon as mum dies.

ProfessionalWeirdo · 30/06/2020 17:29

How much needs doing to the kitchen? Does it need a complete re-fit, or can you just bring it up to date with (say) new cupboard doors?

Collaborate · 30/06/2020 17:30

Just start looking to move, and tell them why. That you want a landlord you can take to task for letting the property decay.

Atalune · 30/06/2020 17:34

They probably think that YOU should pay for the new kitchen.

Time to have a grown up chat- if there is a chance they will sell from under you then huh are renters and the property should be maintained by them.

If the house is yours and you are paying a peppercorn rent then you should pay for a kitchen.

How much do you pay? Gwan tell us.

Durgasarrow · 30/06/2020 17:34

They could have structured it so that it was a kind of rent-to-own situation, or you could have contributed some sweat equity, but that isn't what happened. I'd move out.

DitchinVirgin · 30/06/2020 17:35

Move! You'll have to anyway if they sell it to fund their care.

Rewis · 30/06/2020 17:35

Have you sat down and had a conversation about this and about how to handle these types if things?

I live in a flat owned by my parents. We have a tenancy agreement in place and they have clear role as landlords. 40yo kitchen falling apart is something that landlords should fix.

Zaphodsotherhead · 30/06/2020 17:35

Thank you, @saraclara

It seems rough, but I guess it's reasonable. Not for the poor lady living there, though, obviously.

FizzyPink · 30/06/2020 17:36

To be honest unless it’s really falling apart I don’t think any landlord I’ve ever rented from would put in a new kitchen if I asked.

If you’re planning to live there until they either need to sell it for care or you inherit it and you’re paying below market rent why not just put in a new kitchen yourselves? Even if you get 10 years use out of it, surely that’s worth it?!

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