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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The new parents next door

266 replies

Littleblackdress04 · 29/06/2020 21:01

I might have forgotten (or blocked out) what it’s like having a new baby but the poor thing screams day and night- and it’s waking me up most nights as I can hear it through the walls (new build houses)
Anyway, at the weekend baby was screaming so we put on glastonbury on TV partly to drown out the noise- not super loud or anything at about 6pm Saturday afternoon.

They were straight round after 10 mins asking us to turn it down as it was upsetting the (constantly screaming) baby. We did turn it down a bit but it honestly wasn’t at rave levels or anything! Bit of Foo Fighters so maybe a bit of bass.

Aibu to feel a bit pissed off? It was 6pm on a Saturday & honestly I don’t want to have to listen to the baby ALL the time. We have to live our life too in our house!

I don’t want to cause a neighbourly dispute and I am sympathetic to their lack of sleep but surely baby also has to get used to a bit of real life. And sure enough, I was woken up again at 3,4,5am with constant crying.

Aarrggh!

OP posts:
ConcentricCircles · 29/06/2020 21:09

You say it's a new baby - bit soon to be getting used to real life perhaps?

Maybe it has colic, had a traumatic birth or some other condition that it cannot communicate about other than crying about it.

Maybe they're first time parents and don't know HOW to parent. Maybe they're at their wits end too with the lack of sleep.
Maybe PND is making itself known.
Who knows!

Maybe the last thing on their minds right now are your needs.

Original poster
Littleblackdress04 · 29/06/2020 21:14

Well I kind of feel like I have a right to live my life in my own home too and that a bit of music on a Saturday afternoon isn’t unreasonable 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Euclid · 29/06/2020 21:15

You should have mentioned to them in the nicest possible way that you had turned on the television only to drown out the sound of their screaming baby. They may not realise how much the screaming is travelling through your walls . If you are also parents , you should have sympathised and said that you know what a baby is like etc.
If they both came around, did they bring the baby too or leave him/her at home.?

CottonSock · 29/06/2020 21:16

I doubt a baby is disturbed by music. Did you tell them baby wakes you? Interested to know reaction.

SuperMumTum · 29/06/2020 21:19

When I had a very screamy newborn I was overly apologetic to my neighbours. They very politely said they couldn't hear her (they definitely could). I feel for you OP, its horrible to have your peace constantly shattered.

CalmdownJanet · 29/06/2020 21:19

You definitely should have said "Actually we put the music on to drown out the baby, so no the music didn't wake the baby, we know because we have been listening to it crying a lot. We will turn it down of course but please don't blame us for waking a baby that was already crying"

Original poster
Littleblackdress04 · 29/06/2020 21:20

It was the Dad that came round. I actually was very polite & apologised - it was only after that it irritated me as baby was screaming all eve. I’m not trying to be horrible but I just feel like it’s affecting us & we just want to live our life too!! We aren’t noisy neighbours at all & have kids ourself!

OP posts:
sallyedmondson · 29/06/2020 21:20

Cut them some slack.
New parents, sleep deprived. At that stage I would do anything to get baby settled and if I could hear next door's Tv that would have me asking to have it turned down as well.
Yes you do deserve to have some life but it will not be for long.

sallyedmondson · 29/06/2020 21:20

Cut them some slack.
New parents, sleep deprived. At that stage I would do anything to get baby settled and if I could hear next door's Tv that would have me asking to have it turned down as well.
Yes you do deserve to have some life but it will not be for long.

BeNiceToYourSister · 29/06/2020 21:20

There’s not much to be done in that situation (except be glad you’re past the newborn phase with your own DC!) so I sympathise with both sides, but I’m seriously surprised that they actually asked you to turn your TV down, OP! DS1 was the world’s most colicky, insomniac baby but even in the newborn PND fog I was excruciatingly aware of what our poor neighbours were putting up with and wouldn’t have dreamed of denying them a bit of respite in the form of slightly-louder-than-normal telly! Different story if you were routinely doing it at all hours, but since it doesn’t sound like that’s the case, they’re being slightly U here IMO!

vanillandhoney · 29/06/2020 21:23

Sometimes babies just scream and there's nothing you can do to stop it, no matter how much you try and "make them get used to real life" - whatever that's supposed to mean Hmm

Original poster
Littleblackdress04 · 29/06/2020 21:26

@vanillaandhoney well, just accept that in life there is noise and they need to get used to that rather than having a go at us for playing a bit of music in our own home on a Saturday afternoon after listening to their screaming baby all day 🙄

OP posts:
Fatted · 29/06/2020 21:27

What comes around goes around OP. I had a screamer for my first baby. The neighbours kids at the time were absolute boisterous little shits so I didn't care about how much noise my baby made. Now my kids are older and probably annoy my new very quiet and civilised neighbours. They're about to have a baby, due any day, so we will get to enjoy the screaming new born stage. 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Littleblackdress04 · 29/06/2020 21:31

I would never have dreamed of asking my neighbour to turn down music or to be quiet when my kids were babies unless they were being really antisocial & having a rave at 1am in the morning. My other neighbour has noisy kids too.

OP posts:
Quayyy · 29/06/2020 21:41

Seriously? It’s a baby, a newborn. You’re being ridiculous. Yes it’s frustrating but it’s a baby? What do you want to happen here? Buy some foam earplugs and be a little kinder to your neighbours.

Starbuggy · 29/06/2020 21:45

Yes crying babies are annoying and yes you can listen to music in your own home in the afternoon.

But they’re new parents of a baby that won’t settle, cut them some slack. I’m sure they are even more upset and stressed out by the crying than you are, and want their child to be happy and comfortable and not screaming!

calmcoolandcollected · 29/06/2020 21:45

I would have said I turned on the music to drown out your baby's shrieking.

Original poster
Littleblackdress04 · 29/06/2020 21:49

@Quayyy but I didn’t actually do anything wrong apart from play music in my own home. I don’t want to wear bloody foam ear plugs all the time- why should I have to? As I have said, I am sympathetic

OP posts:
PablosHoney · 29/06/2020 21:50

The only unreasonable thing you did was not saying no to the absurd and unfair request

User0ne · 29/06/2020 21:50

You definitely should have told them that the screaming was why you put the music on.

We have noisy neighbours and we also had Ds2 who had reflux as a baby 18-24m ago. When their grandkids were screaming blue murder at 11pm it made me feel that at least I didn't have to worry about D's screaming at 3am

fairlyplump · 29/06/2020 21:52

I have to say, I think the dad may have been a bit unreasonable if you are being totally honest that the music wasn't that loud. On the other hand a screaming baby, although not pleasant for you, what do you expect them or the poor baby to do?

EpilepsyMum4 · 29/06/2020 21:54

They are probably really anxious right now, and whilst your music probably didn’t make any issue for the baby they might not have realised this yet.

Quayyy · 29/06/2020 21:54

[quote Littleblackdress04]@Quayyy but I didn’t actually do anything wrong apart from play music in my own home. I don’t want to wear bloody foam ear plugs all the time- why should I have to? As I have said, I am sympathetic[/quote]
I meant for the early hours of the morning you mentioned earlier. You don’t sound sympathetic to be honest from the words and emojis you are using. If you're struggling with the noise imagine how they feel, maybe cut them some slack. You don’t know why the baby is crying, there could be lots of reasons.

nextnamex · 29/06/2020 21:56

I get you feeling a bit hard done by that they asked you to turn the TV down but I also echo what PP said here - I'm not sure what you expect them to do if baby just wont settle? it's hard enough having a baby, let alone with lockdown recently so presumably have not been able to catch a break themselves. I have a 7 month old who is an awful sleeper and I have to be honest, if I've just got her off to sleep and a loud noise outside wakes her up I'm on the brink of tears I'm not going to lie. so as unfair and shit as this seems to you be assured they're having a worse time. for overnight you probably are going to have to get earplugs - newborn waking up in the early hours is going to happen, nothing can be done about that. it won't be forever

Nonononon · 29/06/2020 21:56

Oh god this takes me back to when my down stairs neighbours posted me a letter asking me to keep the noise down as their son was trying to sleep.. it was 5pm! Can't remember what I was doing, nothing outrageous.. vacuuming or something. They were a very odd couple though.

That sounds shit op and it would drive me mad. I hate the sound of babies crying. You can rationalise that yes, it's a baby but you can't help how I feel about the sound/noise. (And I'm painfully sensitive to noises.. )
Hopefully it'll stop soon.. it'll be doing the parents head in more than yours im sure! in the mean time. How's about some ear plugs at night and use head phones to listen to music during the day? 😬 not much else can be done really, I'm sure the parents would stop it if they could!