The new parents next door

[Littleblackdress04]

I might have forgotten (or blocked out) what it’s like having a new baby but the poor thing screams day and night- and it’s waking me up most nights as I can hear it through the walls (new build houses)
Anyway, at the weekend baby was screaming so we put on glastonbury on TV partly to drown out the noise- not super loud or anything at about 6pm Saturday afternoon.

They were straight round after 10 mins asking us to turn it down as it was upsetting the (constantly screaming) baby. We did turn it down a bit but it honestly wasn’t at rave levels or anything! Bit of Foo Fighters so maybe a bit of bass.

Aibu to feel a bit pissed off? It was 6pm on a Saturday & honestly I don’t want to have to listen to the baby ALL the time. We have to live our life too in our house!

I don’t want to cause a neighbourly dispute and I am sympathetic to their lack of sleep but surely baby also has to get used to a bit of real life. And sure enough, I was woken up again at 3,4,5am with constant crying.

Aarrggh!

[OnNaturesCourse]

OP - what would you propose they do with the baby so it is less disruptive?

[Notcontent]

I guess it depends on how loud your music was? Also, do you have a subwoofer attached to your sound system? Just asking because I have some neighbours behind me (separated by our small backyards) and I van feel the vibrations from their base even if I can’t hear the music very loudly! I find it really unsettling - like someone hammering my head.

[Disco91]

Why should OP have to spend her money on noise cancelling headphones as one poster suggested?!

We used to purposely keep noise in the room while our baby was sleeping (tv, radio, no whispering), until he was about 6 months old and started sleeping upstairs. He now sleeps through everything. Crazy, do some babies need complete silence to sleep? I’m intrigued now to know if that’s normal or not!

[Littleblackdress04]

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken not come knocking at my door complaining after 10 mins at 6pm on a Saturday afternoon after we have put up with 8 weeks of screaming and disruption.
It really does work both ways. Maybe they should give a little thought to my kids too being able to have a bit of fun with their family after bring cooped up for months on end.

[OnNaturesCourse]

@Disco91 because its the only real way she's going to get a break from the noise if this baby is a screamer unfortunately. And we did the same, house was always business as usual when baby was sleeping and she now sleeps through everything.

[Littleblackdress04]

@DestinationFkd I HAVE BEEN UNDERSTANDING! I haven’t said a word for 8 weeks while my family tried to work and school with a baby screaming the house down.

And no, I don’t have a fucking woofer on my TV. We are a normal family doing normal family stuff.

[Immigrantsong]

OP they may have been trying to get the baby to sleep, or to have a nap or God knows what.

Of course you can listen to music. This is most likely them projecting the tiredness of having a new baby.

It sounds hard, but try to keep showing empathy. Maybe have a chat re things and see what can be worked out if possible: can they move baby to a room further away to you, can you listen music at another part of the house...

Relationships with neighbours can be hard, so good luck.

[Scotmummy1216]

I don't think it was fair to ask you that but with s newborn your mind is scrambled particularly with one that doesn't sleep. Babies cry, maybe you should move to a house with thicker walls

[DanniArthur]

I've not RTFT but I think your neighbours have a bit of a brass neck coming round complaining about the TV at 6pm when they must be aware baby is disturbing your sleep! I used to live in a terrace house and bought my neighbours on both sides a box of chocolates and sorry cards after a particularly loud couple of nights when DD was teething. It's self awareness and being considerate. As much as small babysitting cry and theres not alot you can do I think you are also right to be annoyed with having your sleep disturbed.

[OnNaturesCourse]

Your neighbours were unreasonable to come knocking at 6pm, but they are probably sleep deprived and a bit out of sorts just now I doubt they even realised the time. Prehaps they were even trying to sleep themselves. Who knows.

[Crabbo]

Someone on our local Facebook group was complaining today about children shouting with delight in the street in the middle of the day as it woke their baby - don’t forget op that first time parents of newborns are of course the first people in the world to ever have a baby I’d just crack on with your music in the day time tbh, you shouldn’t have to all be walking on eggshells so as not to disturb a baby that screams all day and night anyway.

[campion]

I knew someone who switched the vacuum on when her baby started crying so she couldn't hear him. Not all parents are trying their best.

I'd be playing music too, OP. But next time they come round tell them why the music's on.

[Comedyusername]

I really feel for you. Sounds like they should be taking the baby out more. My husband and I took turns pounding the streets or driving around when our first cried a lot. Living in a flat surrounded on all sides by young professionals, it seemed the best solution to minimise noise for us and our neighbours, and to save our sanity. And your Glasto noise may have annoyed them but they need to suck it up too. Living in close quarters means give and take.

[Stefoscope]

YANBU, 6pm hardly counts as antisocial hours. If your neighbours are worried about normal day to day living noise disturbing their baby then they need to look at moving to a detatched house. No way would I be tiptoeing around my own house weaing earplugs during normal waking hours.

[ShastaBeast]

You are massively unreasonable not to let them know how disruptive the baby is. They may not realise the noise carries so effectively. If the house is big enough they may be able to avoid certain rooms. I had a non stop screamer too, it was awful, I asked the neighbour about it and they denied hearing the wailing. I think they were being polite or are a bit deaf, we can hear them upstairs very easily.

[DestinationFkd]

I suppose the parents of the baby just love the sound of their baby screaming OP.
You know, when they're shattered, frustrated and just bloody worn out.
Unfortunately babies don't come with a volume control or an on/off switch.

[indemMUND]

Music at a reasonable level once after weeks on end of screaming? Tell them that's exactly why and don't sugar coat it. This goes both ways and they need to get on board with it. You can't tame their baby but you also have the right to enjoy living in your own house. I'm not a Foo Fighters fan, up it to reasonable volume Rammstein and tell them up front when they knock. They had the baby, they have the brunt of the screaming. It's not your burden to put up with or be pulled up on over such a minor circumstance. It's not like you had a full on rave to the point that kiddos cot was vibrating around the room. Just tell them straight and nip this right in the bud.

[namechange30000]

How thin are the walls if you can hear an 8 week old crying.

I really hope the baby settles down for your neighbours (and you) but if you think an 8 week olds cry is loud, wait until the baby is 1 or 2.

[MamaPip]

I have a soon to be 6 month old who screamed from about 7 -14 weeks it was torture !! I was always worried about the neighbours hearing her so during the day we spent it walking around the garden which thankfully the fresh air chilled her out a little bit . Our neighbours always say they can’t hear us and I tend to believe them as we can’t hear there 1 year old or guitars going ! I still apologised every time I seen them just Incase they could ! Thankfully ours at least never cried during the night ! But it is so so stressful especially when you haven’t had anyone to hand baby to for 30 minutes to yourself away from it to regroup . Hopefully that is why they were so ridiculous knocking . Never in my wildest dreams would I ask my neighbours to stop something at 6pm even if I was desperate it’s beyond cheeky . Hopefully the crying stage is soon over for you all .

[Alsohuman]

I really feel for you. Getting on with your neighbours is about give and take. They’re all take and no give.

[Cat112344]

If I’m honest, it sounds like you were purposely putting the tv on loud, if the baby screams so much how did they hear your tv? Babies scream, toddlers have tantrums and teenagers have strops. They’re new parents give them the benefit of the doubt, do you have any tips you could give on calming a crying baby? Some babies cry relentlessly.

[bumblenbean]

I don’t think OP was unreasonable. It’s not like she went round to complain - or even that she responded to the neighbour by saying the baby disturbs her. She simply listened to some music in her own home, only to be told she was unreasonable to do so by the parents of a baby that continually disturbs her household

I’m not unsympathetic to dealing with screaming babies. I’ve had 2 of my own. There’s very little you can do and the last thing you want is people complaining. But there’s no getting away from the fact it’s annoying for neighbours who can also hear it. Had OP gone round to rant at them or told them to keep the noise down that would indeed have been unreasonable - but she didn’t.

Living in a terraced or semi requires give and take. It reminds me of my mum telling me how when my brother was a (very screamy!) baby she politely asked the neighbour - who she usually got on well with! - if he would mind restricting noisy house renovations a little, only to be told ‘Well do you think we like listening to your baby screaming all the time?’ Which Mum conceded was a fair point!

[RoryGilmoresEvilTwin]

Blimey op, you're really getting it!

Retaliation would be blasting music everytime the baby cried.
Clearly op is not doing this.

I have a neighbour that sometimes plays loud music in the day. It's a bit annoying but I realise that it's well within his rights to do so. If it was 12 am I'd feel differently but it isn't.
Occasionally I blast some music. If anyone, including new parents, asked me to turn it down/off I'd be a bit .
If they really can't stand normal, day to day noise (including music and tv noise) they really should think about moving somewhere quieter!

[biglouis]

I once had a neurotic elderly downstairs neighbour who claimed she could not get to sleep until had gone to bed. However I often stayed up til 1 am or later. She claimed she could hear me walking around and even though I was not playing music or noisy she could not relax in case there WAS a noise.

I explained to her that when I was on a late shift at work (when I started at 1 pm) her hoovering her flat and running her washing machine disturbed me. I suggested we make a deal. If she put off hoovering til after say 10 am I would be extra quiet walking around in stocking feet, and making sure I did not bang any cupboards etc.

Next morning she was hoovering at 8am as usual. That night I was banging around in the kitchen until 2 am. Every time she disturbed me hoovering I did extra banging and clattering the following night.

She did gradually learn that early hoovering would be followed by late cupboard banging, water running, etc.

[Nsky]

I think I would write a note, expressing your concerns.
If the baby has issues ( cranial massage may help), I think to wake so frequently is odd and unreasonable.
Put things kindly