The new parents next door

[Littleblackdress04]

I might have forgotten (or blocked out) what it’s like having a new baby but the poor thing screams day and night- and it’s waking me up most nights as I can hear it through the walls (new build houses)
Anyway, at the weekend baby was screaming so we put on glastonbury on TV partly to drown out the noise- not super loud or anything at about 6pm Saturday afternoon.

They were straight round after 10 mins asking us to turn it down as it was upsetting the (constantly screaming) baby. We did turn it down a bit but it honestly wasn’t at rave levels or anything! Bit of Foo Fighters so maybe a bit of bass.

Aibu to feel a bit pissed off? It was 6pm on a Saturday & honestly I don’t want to have to listen to the baby ALL the time. We have to live our life too in our house!

I don’t want to cause a neighbourly dispute and I am sympathetic to their lack of sleep but surely baby also has to get used to a bit of real life. And sure enough, I was woken up again at 3,4,5am with constant crying.

Aarrggh!

[Littleblackdress04]

@Quayyy to be honest we have had 8 weeks of it and we are a little worn down. We are quiet, respectful neighbours. So if I sound unsympathetic now, it’s because Saturday really annoyed me.

[Cherrysoup]

I think you need to tell them you can hear the constant crying. Offer to help/some tips, I dunno, maybe they’ll think you’re dreadful for daring to mention it/offer help, but no, you can’t be expected to be silent when the baby is constantly crying and your music obviously didn’t wake him/her. You should definitely have said it wasn’t because of you, because it wasn’t.

[AwkwardAsAllGetout]

I’d have hated this. My dd spent her first year screaming. I thanked god we lived in a detached house but still worried what the neighbours must have thought as she was LOUD. The truth was I never put her down, she wasn’t left to scream, she simply would not stop. Ever. It was soul destroying. If my neighbours had started to try to retaliate with loud music I’d have been even more despairing than I already was. The music must have been louder than you’re admitting to. I feel for them. At least with my dd I was able to socialise to break up the hell of being alone at home with her. Having a new, screaming baby during lockdown must be awful.

[nextnamex]

they are not deliberately being disrespectful though are they, I'm not sure how you expect them to reason with an 8 week old to keep it down

[TheGroak]

What do you want them to do About the baby exactly? This is very obviously your real grievance.

My youngest screamed all evening. Fuck knows what was wrong with her but come 5.30pm she was off on one until at least 10pm if not later. She screamed in the house, in the car, in the pram, in the sling, you name it, she screamed at it. Then she grew out of it but it took a good 4 months. That tiny tyrant nearly tipped me over the edge. I thought I was going mad. If a neighbour had passive aggressively whacked Foo Fighters up loud to drown the out screaming, I probably would’ve lost the last piece of shit I was desperately clinging on to.

Put a cake or a tin of coffee through the door OP. Choose to be kind.

[TheGroak]

we are a little worn down

Oh poor you

[formerbabe]

Is this a reverse?

[Littleblackdress04]

But we weren’t being aggressive! It’s the first time since the baby was born that we have even played music really - it’s because all the glastonbury coverage was on. What if this goes on for a year? Are we meant to stop doing normal stuff?

[winetime89]

I feel sorry for neighbours tbh, anyone whose had a baby know they scream, sometimes for hours, with music blasting out from next door thrown in the mix it would drive any new parents insane. I think it's one of them situations where you need to accept your going to hear lots of crying for a while, it won't last forever.

[Babs709]

“Cut them some slack” seems like a daft thing to say. If OP had gone round and complained then perhaps... but all she tried to do was drown out the sound. I would be pissed off too... asking a neighbour to turn their TV down is 🤨 enough, but asking a neighbour to turn their TV down when you’re making a shit load of noise yourself is another thing.

[SlB09]

I get it's annoying but it's a newborn!!! They are probably struggling, having had a screamer myself I felt massively embarrassed when I saw my neighbours and apologised all the time, but do you know what - they never said anything other than 'its hard isn't it, it passes quickly'. You have obviously forgotten what it's like or not had a reflyxy/colicky/no sleep baby!! Cut them abit of slack, at that point if my neighbour had said anything I would have a. Sobbed hysterically on the pavement wondering why I was so shit at parenting when I already found it hard or b. Swung for you.....and then sobbed on the pavement.....

I get your point, I really do but we all have those times at some point in those early days.

[HappyHammy]

I feel for both of you, it must be difficult for them and maybe they had just had enough of the screaming too and baby just got off when the music started. Bass sounds do seem to travel but it's not fair either that you are having disturbed sleep every night for the past 2 months. Maybe you can talk to them, congratulate them on their new baby, be friendly and somehow bring up the crying. Maybe they don't realise how much you can hear and can move the cot away from the wall or something. can you move your tv or the speakers away from a wall, it's not unreasonable at all to have quiet music on in the evening. what's going to happen if you want to have friends or family over, you can't be expected to all sit in silence.

[TheGroak]

You were being deliberately passive aggressive by turning it up to drown out the screaming. You said it yourself in your OP.

[Littleblackdress04]

@TheGroak huh? Is our world meant to revolve around our neighbours now for ever?

[nextnamex]

you're not meant to stop living normally, no of course not but the music was clearly retaliatory. your issue is that you've had enough of the crying baby next door - the problem is there is not a lot anyone can do about it.

[Babs709]

“What do you want them to do about the baby?”

Well OP hasn’t said she wants or expects them to do anything about the baby, she just wants to be able to watch her telly at what she has said was a relatively inoffensive volume. Why is that not OK?

[TheGroak]

Yeah I’m sure the kid will still be screaming the street down at 18 OP.

[Bleepbloopblarp]

You were silly to bow to their request at the time. Telling you to turn your music down at 6pm when their baby is waking you at all hours is cheeky fuckery and I’d have calmly asked them if they realise the affect their noise is having on you?

Bit late now though, you had the perfect opportunity there!

[mumof23188]

YANBU. It’s a bit unfair that you listen to their baby cry at all hours but as soon as you play some music they are there knocking at the door. It would of annoyed me aswell.

[Littleblackdress04]

@TheGroakNo we weren’t being passive aggressive- we’ve been stuck in our house for 13 weeks working & homeschooling 2 kids. We have shit going in too. playing a bit of music and having some fun (and yes also trying to drown out the baby noise a bit) isn’t passive aggressive

[TheGroak]

so we put on glastonbury on TV partly to drown out the noise

[Nottherealslimshady]

Think you're being a bit harsh. It will have been clear that you've deliberately turned loud music on because of the baby crying. They're hardly deliberately making it cry to bother you. I think he did the right thing by coming to speak to you rather start some passive aggressive noise war. Have some compassion and dont make it worse for them.

[Babs709]

TheGroak because the only reason someone would want to drown out the sound of a baby crying is to send a passive aggressive message to the parents? Not because they don’t want to listen to the sound of a baby crying? Interesting conclusion you’ve drawn yourself.

[Littleblackdress04]

@TheGroak yes, what is wrong with that at 6pm on a Saturday? We are sick of hearing it and I have said, it’s not rave levels. ITS OUR HOUSE! If it was 1am then that’s different but it’s not. Would they tell us to not mow our lawn either?

[TheGroak]

So you’re saying you didn’t think it’d be loud enough to hear next door, considering you could hear their baby crying?