The new parents next door

[Littleblackdress04]

I might have forgotten (or blocked out) what it’s like having a new baby but the poor thing screams day and night- and it’s waking me up most nights as I can hear it through the walls (new build houses)
Anyway, at the weekend baby was screaming so we put on glastonbury on TV partly to drown out the noise- not super loud or anything at about 6pm Saturday afternoon.

They were straight round after 10 mins asking us to turn it down as it was upsetting the (constantly screaming) baby. We did turn it down a bit but it honestly wasn’t at rave levels or anything! Bit of Foo Fighters so maybe a bit of bass.

Aibu to feel a bit pissed off? It was 6pm on a Saturday & honestly I don’t want to have to listen to the baby ALL the time. We have to live our life too in our house!

I don’t want to cause a neighbourly dispute and I am sympathetic to their lack of sleep but surely baby also has to get used to a bit of real life. And sure enough, I was woken up again at 3,4,5am with constant crying.

Aarrggh!

Yanbu, i wouldn’t have turned my tv down on a sat afternoon

The OP says in the first sentence she has children and went through the caring for a newborn stage. Some posters are assuming she has no firsthand experience with babies?! She's also taken them round a gift for the new baby. All in all she sounds like a decent neighbour. In reality how many people would actually go round and offer to help with the baby without there being some prior indication from the parents that it would be welcomed? You can just imagine the resulting post on AIBU... 'My interferring neighbour thinks I can't take care of my baby properly'.

It sounds like a case of really terrible sound insulation. I’d wonder whether it was up to building regs. Are there building regs about dividing walls?

OP, knock on the door and ask if you can help. You have had two children, doubtless the pair are sleep deprived and at their wits end and maybe an offer of a couple of hours cover might allow them to regroup.

You might also want to say, albeit gently, this isn't normal and I think you need some professional help from your GP or HV to get things onto an even keel.

This might be a way to help them and get your own life back, too.

Turn on and up your TV. Don't worry about it.

Oh man. My 2nd has colic. They would scream for 20 hrs a day! I'm not kidding

However had my neighbours put on loud music. During the day. Wouldn't of bothered me. I'd of understood. I was tearing my hair out. I'd of been horrified to know that it was upsetting my neighbours. Though. We didn't really have neighbours that were wall to wall. I really feel for you. Whilst they can't help a screaming baby. (Maybe. We don't know if it's just left to scream. We assume it isn't. But who knows). As the parent of a child that screamed. I totally would of understood anyone else having an issue

I remember just sobbing. Because nothing I did comforted my baby. Then we got this hammock baby thing and wow! Didn't solve the issue. But sure helped it.

Id class 6pm as Saturday evening so they may have been just trying to get baby to bed so they get some rest for a couple of hours. The newborn stage doesn't last long, I think you'll have to try and put up with it a couple of months. I understand it's a pain for you but not sure what else they can do. Luckily it won't last long

Why would she knock and ask if they need help? Couldn't think of anything worse if the baby is already annoying them!

Offering to have the baby for an hour might also make them realise how much sound is coming through the walls when the baby starts crying.

"offer to help" or "offer to have the baby for an hour"?
This place gets more batshit every day since in the UK even looking at someone's kid has everyone going all "pedos are all around"

The world has gone mad.

My neighbours have a baby and sometimes we hear it, sometimes we don't. Sometimes our music (or shouting about football) might be a bit loud (but not after 10pm). Neither of us has mentioned it to the other. The idea that neighbours of people with screaming babies should in any way change their lifestyle or buy noise cancelling earphones (have you seen how much they cost?) or other is ... well, batshit.

I would feel humiliated if my neighbour knocked on my door and offered to help take care of my own baby because it was crying

Or same round and be “I bought some cake for you. I know it’s hard to be parent, especially when it’s crying all the time”

It sounds so passive aggressive

I’d be uncomfortable with a neighbour offering to have my baby, and would decline. If it was an emergency, for example I had to rush to hospital and needed someone to have baby for a short while until a family member could pick up, then in that situation okay. But a neighbour approaching me and saying “Your baby has cried ever so much, bless. Let me know if I could help by having him/her” I’d feel somewhat put on the spot. If I needed that kind of help, I’d go to family or friends.

God I would be mortified if my neighbours offered to help with my screaming new born. I wouldn't want them to bring round a random lasagne either.

YANBU. I can't imagine a newborn being bothered by low level music from next door. 11pm maybe but not 6pm on any night.

This thread is batshit. I have a 6 month old and he cries. But he's my baby, not my neighbours. Why should my neighbour be subjected to broken sleep and unable to watch tv because I chose to have a baby?!

Fucking bonkers.

So on one occasion you turned your telly up to enjoy some music? How dare you, dont you know that the world now revolves around next doors baby! And damn your own kids if they happened to be having fun and dancing along. Are they first time parents next door? Oh the embarassing memories I have of the first time parent stage I once told DH's dad not to look at baby as she was waking up as she had to see me first

I'm with the OP - at no point has she said she expects her neighbours to do anything about the screaming baby. However, she is perfectly entitled to go about her life and have the TV on early evening listening to music at a normal level without the neighbours coming round to complain.

OP - in your shoes I'd carry on watching whatever I liked on TV providing the sound is no louder than normal levels. If they complain again point out that having in on at any quieter levels means it can't be heard above their screaming baby. This isn't being aggressive or unreasonable, simply stating the facts.

Some of the posts on this thread are absolutely bonkers. OP YADNBU.

I'm sure some people read what they want a post to say rather than what it ACTUALLY says.
She's been neighbourly for the past 8 weeks by not going round and complaining. But being asked to turn your TV down at 6pm on a Saturday means the neighbours are being the arses!

Plus, where does everyone live that it is considered normal to bake your neighbours a basket of muffins and go round offering to babysit because they must be struggling?!? I have never done this in my life and if one of my neighbours had offered to do this I would be

@pingusigloo

Batshit indeed!
Sums this thread up

Back in the real world, I’m really not going to offer to babysit or take muffins round for them.

I have 2 kids of my own and I am homeschooling and working full time!

I’d just quite like to play a bit of music without getting told off in my own home 🙈

As someone said, mumsnet is batshit at times!

Offer to introduce the baby to the delights of Glastonbury

@mrscambellblackagain, yes, bit of chemical brothers maybe

Honestly OP it depends how loud the tv was

Normal volume = they are wrong (although cut them some slack as they are clearly going through hell)

Really bloody loud = you are wrong. I don’t know how loud you had it but if it’s loud enough to drown out a screaming baby (a baby that is loud enough to really bother you) then it sounds like you had it pretty loud.

I had a screamer and honestly if a neighbour so much as shouted in their garden when I had finally got them quiet or even miracle of miracles asleep, I was furious. I didn’t go round and knock but I definitely wished death on them from afar. Having a non stop screaming newborn and no sleep means you have zero sense of perspective.

I think if you take the muffins round though you can be as loud as you want?

Sorry... for clarity... that was sarcasm.