The new parents next door

[Littleblackdress04]

I might have forgotten (or blocked out) what it’s like having a new baby but the poor thing screams day and night- and it’s waking me up most nights as I can hear it through the walls (new build houses)
Anyway, at the weekend baby was screaming so we put on glastonbury on TV partly to drown out the noise- not super loud or anything at about 6pm Saturday afternoon.

They were straight round after 10 mins asking us to turn it down as it was upsetting the (constantly screaming) baby. We did turn it down a bit but it honestly wasn’t at rave levels or anything! Bit of Foo Fighters so maybe a bit of bass.

Aibu to feel a bit pissed off? It was 6pm on a Saturday & honestly I don’t want to have to listen to the baby ALL the time. We have to live our life too in our house!

I don’t want to cause a neighbourly dispute and I am sympathetic to their lack of sleep but surely baby also has to get used to a bit of real life. And sure enough, I was woken up again at 3,4,5am with constant crying.

Aarrggh!

I think you could have mentioned that the tv was on to drown out the baby noise. It isn’t really fair for you to have to hear it. They could perhaps think about whether they could move the baby to another room. If it’s driving you mad, it is probably turning them even crazier though. My second was colicky and I remember spending nights in tears because the crying just didn’t stop. She’s in the whiney tantrumy phase now and the crying just goes through me and sometimes brings back the newborn memories where I was just on edge. You forget how much easier it is when they speak (even if their demands are illogical and annoying).

Wow some of you are some unreasonable witches here...

The OP didn't go and complain, she's really well aware a crying baby isn't something with a volume control that can be turned down, but you lot all think she should remain totally silent, to facilitate the every whim of this tiny screaming creature that isn't hers and benefits her in no way at all.. She didn't wake this child up, unless it was screaming the place down whilst also being asleep which is bloody unlikely!

Fuck that - stick your music on if you want OP, at a reasonable level, between the hours of 8am and 11pm and next time they come knocking, TELL THEM just how loud their PFB is!

My neighbours kids are SO fucking loud at the moment, the girl thing screams constantly, when having fun, when having some sort of crisis (got wet, got sand on it, fell over, saw a wasp, dog didn't let her torture it, got told off for hitting baby brother, daddy, mummy, was prevented from hitting baby brother/daddy/mummy)... when she isn't screaming her brother is, because shes torturing him, and then if thats not happening, mummy and daddy seem to need to TALK TO HER IN A VERY LOUD VOICE ALL THE TIME AND WONDER WHY SHE SHOUTS AND HAS NO INDOOR VOICE AT ALL....

They are driving me fucking nuts, I won't go and complain, because for change to happen they'd need to dramatically change their parenting style and that ain't likely (and nor will advice to do so coming from me go down like anything other than a lead balloon)...

However I WILL listen to music when I want... oh is it nap time, tough shit... and I will do my work which involves hammering metal sometimes.. and I will play with the dogs which involves barking... and should anyone be round to complain they will be told exactly where to stick it!

It really does go both ways, if you make noise, expect to hear noise!

Regardless of the screaming baby, you should not be playing music so loud in a semi-detached house that your neighbours can hear. When I was in a semi my old neighbours did this all the time - especially a Sunday morning. Highly annoying hearing their muffled music through the wall - no we did not have a baby that they were getting their own back for.

"if you make noise expect to hear noise"

maybe the OP should pass this note of wisdom onto the 8 week old, that ought to put it in its place...

My first born screamed almost constantly for the first six months. It was the hardest time of my life. Please get some earplugs and try to be kind. They’ll be going through hell.

I think you politely need to ask the baby to be quiet...what the hell do you expect the parents to do about it? It's shit, but some babies get colic. Get some ear plugs or listen to your music through ear phones. They are probably trying to get the baby off to sleep and are at their wits ends and don't want any chance of sleep ruined.

It will pass eventually, but if you are unreasonable, your behaviour will long be remembered once the baby has grown up.

Anyone who enjoys listening to Glastonbury is unreasonable on all fronts.

also OP as has already been mentioned it's not unreasonable to listen to your music/TV do whatever you want in your own house but you are being unreasonable to turn it up so loud that they came round to ask if youd mind turning it down a bit. it must of been at a considerable volume and you can deny it until you're blue in the face, was clearly retaliatory

• WiddlinDiddlin

Wow some of you are some unreasonable witches here...*

The rest of the post after this statement is something to behold. Is it a joke? That level of hypocrisy can not be written sincerely.

@SnackSizeRaisin it was 6pm! Hardly inconsiderate by any standards.

People are allowed to play music in their homes. Unbelievable responses .

As if anyone adjoining a house with a 2 month old should not make any sound at any point of the day in case said child is sleeping/about to sleep/being settled. That's all day.

YANBU, and they were being unreasonable, however you probably need to be tolerant of their unreasonableness in the short term. I am sure they don't want their baby to cry either.

@nextnamex I have already said that it wasn’t at bloody rave levels. It was music at a normal level- I have young kids too so we can’t have it blasting round the house.

But I have also said that having had 8 weeks of screaming baby night and day, I needed a couple of hours relaxing in my own home too.

I was in a zoom work meeting last week and the people in the meeting could hear the baby next door screaming ffs.

If I was in OP’s situation, after having such a terrible time with my first baby, I’d make a little care package for the neighbours.

A white noise machine (ours was £15 from amazon)
A face mask and bath bomb for mum.
A bottle of wine and a box of chocolates.

A little kindness will go a long way. In a few short months, the baby will have outgrown the screaming phase. How you responded to the phase will always be remembered xx

And I had already taken them flowers and a babygro when the baby was born.

@Littleblackdress04

I was in a zoom work meeting last week and the people in the meeting could hear the baby next door screaming ffs.

Jesus! They didn’t sedate it for your important zoom meeting? What a pair of selfish pricks.

Seriously though, what do you expect them to do exactly?

I was women up again at 3,4,5am

Put your telly on LOUD every time they wake you up. Let them know you are being woken.

This isn't acceptable. They chose to have it, they shouldn't be inflicting it on you. They need to take steps to stop it waking you. Send them literature for soundproofing.

Put some music on and relax this weekend. You have to enjoy your life. If they come round again then explain you need a break and want to listen to some music at a reasonable volume in your own home. They can go out if they don't approve.

Thing is music can be classed as antisocial and disruptive by authorities and councils, a screaming upset baby can't be.

Unfortunately I think you just need to suck it up in terms of hearing the baby, maybe invest in earplugs. I wouldn't however be turning down music or TVs etc unless the hour was unreasonable - babies need to get used to noise.

Oh come off it. Some ridiculous responses in here. OP has put up with the noise for 8 weeks, interrupting her sleep. She hasn't complained once. All she did was turn up the TV a bit on a Saturday at 6pm to enjoy the Glasto coverage.

FFS I've had neighbours having loud street parties at 1am during lockdown waking up my kids and I haven't complained. The parents were being completely unreasonable and OP did nothing wrong.

Oh and my first was a reflux baby who never stopped screaming. I get it. I really do. But asking someone to turn down the TV at 6pm on a Saturday is fucking unhinged.

OP, next time just tell them you had to turn it up so you could hear it over their baby's screams.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken my point being that the baby is bloody interrupting all aspects of our life too. I have 2 young kids trying to do school work- does our home/family life not count?

Next time they come knocking invite them in so they can hear the noise

Compassion is a two way street

If your music had been at an acceptable volume, they wouldn't have been able to hear it next door. So it was too loud.

Yes, their baby's screaming is too loud - if they were playing music at that volume, they would be antisocial, selfish neighbours. But it's a baby. So really, it's tough shit - even if you have a zoom meeting - because there is literally nothing that can be done about it. You do just have to put up with it, and you can't make other noise at an antisocial volume, because you are an adult and not a baby. That's life.

[quote Littleblackdress04]@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken my point being that the baby is bloody interrupting all aspects of our life too. I have 2 young kids trying to do school work- does our home/family life not count?[/quote]
Of course. But my question still stands, what do you expect them to do?

Good job you weren't my neighbour OP my youngest screamed the house down constantly from birth.
Fortunately my neighbour was very understanding.