Mr and Mrs his initial surname 🤬

[ottermadness]

I just hate it, I’m not a Mrs and I have a name.

It’s nice that people remember to send anniversary cards though so I’m not going to be impolite.

AIBU that this gives me rage!?

No that would really fuck me off!

Hate it!
It's as if you lose all identity.

I think the people saying YABU are stuck in the 40s....of course you're not being unreasonable :)

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for people to generally consider a woman in a marriage to be a Mrs. Annoying when you are indeed a Dr, Prof etc of course. I’d expect people close enough to send anniversary cards to know that though? So I’m assuming you prefer Ms?

As for the his initial, is that not technically correct for letter writing?

I hate it too. Just write “Mr Husbandy Providerman plus spare rib” and be done with it.

(Also though I’m pretty sure some of my friends would do this just for the laugh.)

It’s ludicrous.

I didn’t change my name, do not use Mrs and we nevertheless get cards addressed to “Mr & Mrs WinterAndRoughWeather’s Husband”.

I don’t especially mind Mr and Mrs his initials, surname, but I have got cards to Mrs his initial surname before from my MIL which she insists is
Correct and I can’t bear

Totally agree. I remember asking my mum decades ago as a child who a letter was for when it arrived to Mrs < Dad’s initial> . No sign of my mother there at all. Never changed my name, or used Mrs, when I was married and know others who didn’t /haven’t either. Surprised to read people still address women that way.

I won't send letters like that to couples. I have seeing the man's initial take precedence.
I usually trim them down to Mr & Mrs Surname. Even then I'd like to go rogue and use Mrs & Mr Surname.

hate seeing.

i kept my own surname on marriage. I once missed a delivery and had to go to the depot to pick it up. DH's old-fashioned aunt addressed the parcel to "Mrs husband's inital- husband's surname". I couldn't get the parcel, because I didn't have ID in that name.

I dislike the erasure of the woman's first name. I know it was technically correct in Victorian times, but we've moved on from that.

Not to drip feed but I hold a title gained through education, this they know.

Also, if it’s technically correct, that’s worse.

Nope I am a Ms and my birth name

@Appuskidu - just return them as not known at this address.

Mrs (Initial) Hisname doesn't exist. Therefore, YANBU.

It's the sort of error I'd expect, say, the school administrators to make. Family members or friends, no. The expectation that you will be given the courtesy of your own name is not too much to ask.

YABU. If you’re married to one one, you are a mrs surly? Don’t understand what’s to hate

Just curious to all of you who kept your maidens names. What surname do your children have?

This is how I was taught the address letters when I was at school in the 80s

Not to drip feed but I hold a title gained through education, this they know.

Hell will freeze over before my MiL addresses me by my accurate title of Dr. That's entertaining on its own, but Ms Myname would service perfectly well.

It was Mrs Hisname until DH politely told her to stop it. So I received one communication as Ms (Myname wildly misspelled, to the extent which suspends all credulity. MyName has 2-3 different spellings. This one looked as though it was written by someone who's normally conversant with the cyrillic or Greek alphabets).

She's now stopped addressing me as anything at all. The cards she only ever sent me after DC's birth, some 15 years after I first met DH, have now dried up.

I prefer that. At least it's honest.

Just curious to all of you who kept your maidens names.

I do not have a 'maiden' name. I have a family name.

@jmh740 same here! I was at high school in the early (ish) 80’s and we were taught to address Mr & Mrs, dh initial, surname.

Tbh I’ve sent Christmas cards out in this format for years!

We had this from several family members when DH and I got married. We had cards to Dr. and Mrs H. Surname. I declared loudly at Christmas that if I was to be an add on item human I should inherit his title as well and all cards should henceforth be addressed to Dr. and Doctress (Drs will do) H surname.

Don't mind Mr and Mrs Doe if they share a surname (or Dr and Mr, whatever). Mr and Mrs John Doe is just convention, and while irksome is getting less common. But if the wife has kept her name I always address it: Jane Smith and John Doe.
What is annoying is Mr Jane Smith - simply because the computer defaults to 'Mr' and whomever generates the letter doesn't change it - just make it so the person needs to input title as well as name. I've never had Mrs John Doe on it's own though.

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest.
Clearly I'm in the minority
I don't think we've had any letters addressed that way but I wouldn't get worked up about it

Nah Newkitchen, wouldn’t bother me either. Not even the Mrs John Doe version. But I’m pretty old fashioned and have pretty traditional views.