Mr and Mrs his initial surname 🤬

[ottermadness]

I just hate it, I’m not a Mrs and I have a name.

It’s nice that people remember to send anniversary cards though so I’m not going to be impolite.

AIBU that this gives me rage!?

We got a letter from my step-nan the other day thanking us for her birthday present addressed to Mr & Mrs hisinitial hisname. I didn’t change my name when I got married. Very annoying as she knows this. I’d have found it much more polite for her not to have sent the thank you than to send it addressed to DH (who had no involvement in present as my side of the family!)

I don’t mind random people not knowing/ assuming I’m Mrs hisname (e.g. DH had all communication with the people who fitted our kitchen window and do they defaulted to Mrs hisname when they were here as they had no way of knowing my name) but it really winds me up when family who know my name do it!

I’m pretty relaxed but I HATE this I know it is ‘correct’ but I never use it and I hate seeing arrive on letters for me. Do I not have an identity now I’m married? Why people still use it (especially young people my SIL for that matter) really baffles me? We know better by now surely?

My daughters new senior school did that this week - Mr & Dr A (his initial) Bear

I guess at least they didnt swap around the Dr to his title 🤔

My mum was a classic - she told me 'oh i hope you don't mind me not putting g Dr on your mail, I don't want your husband to feel put out 😱

My kids headteacher, senco etc call me Mrs ...........
I always say I'm not 80 please call me by my name please

It is kind of shit tbh but I believe it us the 'correct' way to address a married couple on an envelope where the woman has changed her name.

When I was a teen in the 70s I wrote a thank you letter to a friends mum a dressed to say Mrs S Smith because her name was Sylvia....only to have my mum and brother tell me it was 'wrong' and I should have used her husbands initial! Even though it was just her I was writing to!

I was furious! As though women didn't exist...

I double barrelled when i got married with my name first then his surname. DH was happy for me to use whatever name I wanted and that was my decision in the end but his FIL and that side of his family hate that I have done that and refer to me as Mrs DH first initial DH surname on post soo annoying.

It’s personal preference. I love it, I think it’s really nice.

Me & DH agreed to both change our names when we married. So either we’re addressed separately and I’m ‘Ms birth name’, or it’s ‘Mr & Mrs and our new name for both of us’. DD has our new name of course.

I suppose people could write ‘Mr & Mrs his initial and then new family name‘, but I’ve not often seen it. My aunt used to do this but I didn’t mind at all. I thought it was rather unusual but lovely, in an oldy worldy way.
When I send cards to my married friends the envelope’s usually addressed to ‘The Smiths’ or just their first names. Would seem v odd to me to address them as Mr & Mrs anyway.

Of course YANBU and I really don't understand people who are happy to stop existing as an individual when they get married and be known as 'OfJohn' for the rest of their life. Sorry, I mean 'Wife of John Smith' or aka Mrs John Smith.

we got a letter from our estate agent addressed to mr and Mrs [DH name]. it particularly pissed me off as id arranged the visit.

I mentioned it when I saw them and the next letter was our names separately.

This really doesn’t bother me at all. I’m not sure I know anyone who hasn’t taken their husbands name when they got married, and this is how my husband an I have had any post addressed since we were married I think. I’m not sure if I’d even notice it. I certainly don’t feel like a bit of post is taking away part of my identity and as far as I’m aware, my husband doesn’t get any weird sense of superiority from ready our names written in that format.

It's the worst. I hate it.

I absolutely loathe this.

DH’s family do this every time. When I sent out wedding thank you cards I included a note to clarify I had kept my own name. They continued to write to me as Mrs DH initial DH surname. I clarified that I had kept my own name. They continued to do it. It’s just really bloody rude! I’ve given up now, 10 years later.

I think it's ridiculous in this day and age but I don't think it really happens any more, does it (the Mrs husband initial surname)? The only person I know who does this is a 91 year old woman who just believes it's etiquette (it's what she was taught at school). I don't mind when she does it because she's from a completely different era. But yes for modern day use it's ridiculous.

I also couldn't care less if it's correct. It's not like the post office will bin a letter addressed differently. I'll either write Mr and Mrs Surname or Mr Firstname and Mrs Firstname Surname.

It may be technically 'correct', but it's ridiculous and I hate it. I remember when I was a child asking why my nan had letters addressed to Mrs HisInitial TheirSurname, even though my grandad died before I was born. Apparently she preferred it as well! Baffling.

My mother thought it was ‘correct’ but then she would have been 102 a few days ago.
It doesn’t really bother me, but I never address anything that way myself - I put Sue and Jim Bloggs, or Sue Baggs and Jim Bloggs, as the case may be. Which avoids all the title stuff.

I had a letter from my bank addressing me alone as Mrs (his initial) surname recently regarding a joint mortgage. That particularly wound me up. Something about it coming from a bank really got to me.

Those who are saying 'it's correct' - Yes, we know. So is Dear Sir/s when you don't know the gender of the person you're writing to.

It is completely wrong to continue to obliterate the existence of women. Society is quite happy to take our taxes and our labour for the unpaid work that we still do the majority of, but we cease to exist if a man might be in the building.

Whilst I get that’s it’s an antiquated tradition that doesn’t sit well in today’s society it will die out slowly but surely😅....I think you’re bonkers to get so het up and insulted by it though...if this is what you worry about and makes you rage you must live a massively charmed life.

I am a Dr, but don't tend to use that title outside of work, and go by Ms OwnSurname instead. Husband & I do sometimes get post addressed to Mr & Mrs DHSurname or Mr & Mrs DH Initial&Surname (the latter is worse in my view). I doesn't give me rage, but do mildly judge the people who send us post addressed like that! "But it's the convention to write Mr & Mrs his [initial/first name] surname", yes, and it's time to update that convention because it's not fit for the 21st century.

Really? If that's how you base your identity then maybe you should let people know. This is the only place I've seen people "rage" about it. Put it on facebook or Twitter. People who write to you will then see that you prefer to be known by your title.

It was what people were taught was 'correct' if they went to school in the 1980's or earlier. But 'correct' changes and this one needs to too! Equally annoying; last year we had a Christmas card addressed to 'Mr hisinitial surname and family'. From his parents who've known me for 25 years!

Ah the good old 'don't you have anything else to worry about'. I do. I also have room in my pretty little ladybrain to worry about everyday sexism.

If that's how you base your identity then maybe you should let people know.

I should specifically let people know that I preferred to be addressed by my actual name? I thought that was the default option.