Mr and Mrs his initial surname 🤬

[ottermadness]

I just hate it, I’m not a Mrs and I have a name.

It’s nice that people remember to send anniversary cards though so I’m not going to be impolite.

AIBU that this gives me rage!?

I hate it too. Even worse when they put the man's whole name - like Mrs John Smith.
My family dont do it to me anymore

Mr and Mrs Smith is one thing, but I hate Mr and Mrs R Smith. The R being for example, Robert.

YABU - personally I quite like being Mrs Husband's initial & Surname. Maybe I'm old fashioned and stuck in the 40's (I'm in my 30's BTW)
I dislike letters addressed to Mr Husbands name and Mrs My name. I'd much rather they were addressed to Mr & Mrs our name.
I also dislike that professionals sometimes appear surprised that our DS has the same surname as me (it also irks me when they seem surprised that I am married but maybe that's more to do with the fact I'm not overly attractive). It's sad that two parent married families are becoming the unusual.

And yes, default option should closely be their actual name...
Either mr and mrs smith if it's the same, or John and Jane Smith

I clicked yabu because whilst I'm not bothered by it and don't see the fuss I appreciate others feel differently and that's OK, it's a personal choice.
I think the yabu comes down to the respect of people's choices works both ways.
For some asking them to stop doing it for one or two people is asking a big effort as they have been doing what they do all their life an now have to change their way for you and the odd other person.
Your still you op, yes you have your preference but you don't change just because they can't get their head round how you like to be addressed whether out of habit or be they're being awkward.

I respect the choice you can make re this but for me personally titles mean nowt, it's the person behind it that matters, Im not stuck in the 40s I just don't read in to titles much and prefer to get to know and judge the person. Proof is the the pudding sort of speak, met plenty of people who look good on paper but scratch past how they appear on paper an we'll... I've been left disappointed in them. Others, I have got to know, Its only after I've met them that I've been impressed by them not their name or title, so that's why it doesn't bother me much I and the people I've been impressed with have not flashed their views or preferences about like this they just get on with it.

@DobbyLovesSocks you really like being given no name?!

Of course it isn't correct - the fact some people were taught it in school, years ago doesn't make it right forever. People used to be taught the sun goes round the earth - things change!

No matter how 'correct' it is things change. This has changed for the vast majority of people and those who still think it is 'correct' need to stop doing it. It's never 'correct' to do something you know will upset someone when it can be avoided.

Agree. I don’t mind Mr & Mrs but hate Mr and Mrs Man initial surname.

@BabyLlamaZen I do have a name. I also like being addressed formally as Mrs Husband's name. Like I say maybe I'm old fashioned or whatever. That is my choice and my belief. I also got married before I had children as I beleive that is the 'right' way to do things. I understand that other's may disagree. But in the same way that I don't have a go at others for doing things the way they do, I wouldn't expect people to have a go at me for thinking or doing things the way I do.

I do feel a slight tinge of sadness that my dad's name died out with me and my sister but hey ho, such is life

Yes whatever was 'correct' doesn't really matter these days. It's all a bit antiquated. would just address a married couple as Mr. And Mrs. Smith to get round it.

@LucyTrainsDragons Please stop. 2/3 of the people on this thread hate it, so it’s highly likely that at least one of your friends stares at the envelope from you every time and feels sad and left out. The world has moved on from when you were at school in the 1980’s.

It is so often used by women to trample on other women in order to move themselves up the pecking order (closer to their darling men). Often by Mils as a fuck you to the DIL that have always been too big for her boots and not sufficiently in awe of the darling boy. Instantly restores his supremacy and hides behind a veil of correct etiquette.

So exasperating. I have an unusual name that people get wrong, which bothers me far less than this archaic nonsense. I didn't change my name but parents in law would send mail to Mrs His name Hissurname even when asked not to. The problem was solved nicely when I divorced him

I got a birthday card to Mrs Husband Initial Husband Surname, so it wasn’t even to both of us, just to me (I am Ms MySurname). I could understand it if it was from a great aunt or even an aunt, someone of that generation, but it was from a friend of my own age (40s). My name is on all social media, I always sign everything with my own name, even at our wedding which she attended the registrar said “ThreeCubes will continue to be known as ThreeCubes Balancing, I just don’t understand why she used Husband Initial, Husband Surname. I am not offended, but I am annoyed, because it is not my name!

Yup
My MIL writes to me as “Mrs Joe Bloggs”.
She’s old fashioned and means no offence so I take none but it’s hugely outdated. Why she can’t address me as “Mrs Jane Bloggs” I don’t know?

Maddening. And deliberate. My in-laws were unhappy.that I kept my name so always did this to.make a point. It went wrong when they sent me a parcel and I couldn't collect it from the office as I had no i.d. by that name. In an age where the prevailing message is.to use correct terminology to avoid offending people, it seems offending married women doesn't matter so much.

I cannot understand why women give up their own birth given surnames when they get married. It's part of one's identity. And when children come along I feel they should take their mum's surname. Mum gave birth to them for goodness sake.

I guess I'd never really thought about how I feel about it - I don't mind Mr & Mrs surname, because that would be my surname and therefore my identity.

I suppose Mr & Mrs [his first initial] [surname] would make me feel a little inferior and I don't see the point in it.

I do think rage is a bit unreasonable though. Maybe a little annoyed, but I'll move past it and it really doesn't matter because I don't need words and names to feel equal

Just a thought. People who don't mind it, what would you do with a same-sex couple? Whose first name would be mentioned?

I don't get what's so annoying about this. You are married, op, so most people, if they don't know you that well, would assume you were happy to be called Mrs?

Using Mr and Mrs John Doe is just old fashioned, not deliberately trying to be awkward (unless it is, like some posters on here have mentioned).

But if you really dislike it, a polite reminder - or including an address label with your preferred names and title on your Christmas card - might work.

We were taught it in the 80's too. So I ignore it.

This drives me nuts every Christmas! I didn’t change my name, those cards are not addressed to me, they’re addressed to some mythical being. My parents bank used to send out their statements with Mr X and Mrs Y Creed on it in the 80s, it’s not that hard!
Mrs Initial DHSurname may be etiquette, but so is “Dear Sirs”. My entirely female department used to sigh deeply when that came in, as it implies that the little women can’t possibly have jobs or run things. Both outdated styles which need to go.

I absolutely hate it. I did not change my name when I got married (I never understood why a woman's identity should be subsumed into her husbands).

Everyone knows and has been told this repeatedly. I have an annoying uncle and aunt who insist on sending cards to Mr and Mrs Husbandssurname. That is not my name! They know this!

A same sex female couple ... ms smith and ms jones

Male ..Mr Smith and Mr Jones. ..

No problem. Married couples also surely!?