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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to get a dog when my husband doesn't want one.

248 replies

BBOA · 28/05/2020 23:48

My DS has been desperate for a dog for literally 10 years. Now 15. Like really desperate. DH is not an animal lover as was never brought up with them. DD is 12 and not that fussed about animals either. Couldn't even remember the names of her goldfish and didn't cry when one died! I love dogs and grew up with them so wouldn't be adverse to getting one. Maybe a dog rather than a puppy though as I'd prefer to give a rescue one a home. We compromised with a rabbit 6 years ago but lockdown has brought it all up again. Interested to hear how others have dealt with this issue. I know it's a big thing in terms of cost, time, commitment and £££, but convince me why DH gets the last word please. How have others got over this hurdle?

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 29/05/2020 00:02

It’s not fair to get a dog unless everyone in the house is 100% in agreement, sorry.

19lottie82 · 29/05/2020 00:03

Can your DS not volunteer at a shelter or try the borrow my dog website?

penguinsbegin · 29/05/2020 00:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 29/05/2020 00:04

I agree. Everyone has to want the dog.

Timinfuckingruislip · 29/05/2020 00:04

Tricky. Does he actively not want a dog - or just won’t engage if you do get one?

Timinfuckingruislip · 29/05/2020 00:06

I ask as I’ve known people who are very much “if you want to get a dog then get one” (and they all fall in love with it in the end). But if he actively doesn’t like them it’s different

Proudboomer · 29/05/2020 00:07

Your son is 15 so in 3 years could be away from home at uni and you would still have a dog that your husband didn’t want.

Ilovemystarter · 29/05/2020 00:10

A dog is a huge commitment. It needs love and care. If you’re not all on board with it, you are risking causing distress and suffering to an affectionate, devoted sentient creature. It’s very sad, but I don’t think you should.
Have you considered re-homing DH instead?

Aquamarine1029 · 29/05/2020 00:11

You might have grown up with dogs, but that does not, and probably not, you took on full responsibility for those dogs. Vet costs, insurance, food, walking, cleaning up after, etc. A dog is a massive commitment and a huge change of dynamic in your household. If your husband doesn't want one, I think the answer is no. You don't get a dog. Every adult in the home needs to be in agreement.

Original poster
BBOA · 29/05/2020 00:18

All fair comments even if it really pissed me off.
It would be me doing it all as well.
Growing up I was the dog walker and have full responsibility for rabbit now ,which is surprisingly expensive to keep!
Maybe I will think about rehoming DH instead 😅

OP posts:
blubberyboo · 29/05/2020 00:21

Bringing a dog into a house has to be in everyone’s agreement.
It’s such a huge deal and if he will be really uncomfortable with it being there you’ll have to respect that. Your son can get one when he is an adult and in meantime could volunteer at a shelter

AfterSchoolWorry · 29/05/2020 00:32

It wouldn't be fair. I'd hate a dog. The inconvenience, the smell, the constant vigilance required to stop it bolting out and killing itself every time you need to open a door, the poo in the garden, the drool, the weeping eyes, stains around their mouths etc I find then very disgusting and it'd depress me a lot to have to live with one.

aquashiv · 29/05/2020 00:34

Could you get a new DH?

terrelontane · 29/05/2020 01:41

It would be an incredibly unfair thing to do. If my DH did that to me, I would seriously consider leaving him over it. DS can get a dog when he has a place of his own.

45redballoon · 29/05/2020 01:47

A dog is a big responsibility and has a big impact on your lives so it would be incredibly unfair to force one on your husband if he doesnt want one. I'd personally be absolutely livid if my husband told me we had to get a dog or brought one home without consulting me. It's a living being that requires care and lives in your house with you... it's a big deal for everyone.

LeahDownTheLane · 29/05/2020 01:52

I wanted a dog and so did my husband. I wanted a second dog, he didn’t and somewhere down the line he compromised and we have five.

Kokeshi123 · 29/05/2020 02:19

I agree with others. A dog impacts everyone in the house, esp in terms of days out, holidays, hair, smell. I would HATE a dog in the house.

Everyone has to want the dog, otherwise no.

I think you are wise to have decided against this.

Your DS should consider joining one of those "dog-sharing" groups where you create a bond with a family living locally and do things like walk their dog for them. Or the Cinnamon Trust?

YeahWhatevver · 29/05/2020 04:23

Your DS won't in all liklihood be at home for the next 15 years.

The dog and your DH will

Doesn't seem fair really, if DS is desperate he'll have his whole adult life to get one

user1473878824 · 29/05/2020 04:36

I’m so sorry because I do get it totally, but I’m not a dog lover and DP is. He has a gorgeous much pampered cat but his thing is moving outside of London and getting dogs. I like dogs! Other people’s dogs! If he bought a dog I would go absolutely batshit. I DO NOT want it and that is hugely unfair on a dog. The both of you have to want a pet for it to be a sensible decision. They are not toys.

habibihabibi · 29/05/2020 04:43

See if he'll agree to a foster dog.
A smaller non shedder if possible.
My mum is desperate for a dog now she is retired but although we always had a family dog my Dad won't agree.
I am going to work on him and try and get her one by Christmas.
I agree with other posters that everyone needs to be on board but sometimes they just need warming up.

therearenosnakeshere · 29/05/2020 05:19

My dh didn't want a dog. So I got two. Guess who is best friends with the dogs and the dogs love more than me?

Pixxie7 · 29/05/2020 05:35

Have you got a friend or relative with a dog that your son can help out with for a while. My daughter had a similar problem and her husband eventually agreed.
However 2 years down the track and neither of her children do anything and it’s all left to her. You really do need to all agree.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 29/05/2020 05:41

Don't. We have a dog. I really wanted him, my husband had never lived with a dog. He is kind to the dog (who is brilliant) and walks him and feeds him, but he has a real problem with the smell (not a particularly smelly dog) and the hair (not particularly hairy!). It isn't his fault, he is trying really hard, he does love our dog because he is ours but it doesn't really enhance his life to have one. I love the dog and our toddler does too but it is hard having a dog with someone who doesn't love them like you do and not something I will do again.

TillyTheTiger · 29/05/2020 05:50

Don't do it. In my opinion this is one of those questions that should be discussed before marriage, similarly to whether or not you'd like children and how many, and if you're not on the same page then don't get married. A dog is a MASSIVE commitment and it would be very unfair to force someone Into that against their will.

SquarePeggyLeggy · 29/05/2020 05:56

@BBOA

All fair comments even if it really pissed me off. It would be me doing it all as well. Growing up I was the dog walker and have full responsibility for rabbit now ,which is surprisingly expensive to keep! Maybe I will think about rehoming DH instead 😅
I did this. My husband was anti. Now he loves the dog, we all love the dog! But it is me who picks up the poo. Because it was me who insisted on the dog!