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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to get a dog when my husband doesn't want one.

248 replies

BBOA · 28/05/2020 23:48

My DS has been desperate for a dog for literally 10 years. Now 15. Like really desperate. DH is not an animal lover as was never brought up with them. DD is 12 and not that fussed about animals either. Couldn't even remember the names of her goldfish and didn't cry when one died! I love dogs and grew up with them so wouldn't be adverse to getting one. Maybe a dog rather than a puppy though as I'd prefer to give a rescue one a home. We compromised with a rabbit 6 years ago but lockdown has brought it all up again. Interested to hear how others have dealt with this issue. I know it's a big thing in terms of cost, time, commitment and £££, but convince me why DH gets the last word please. How have others got over this hurdle?

OP posts:
Treacletoots · 30/05/2020 07:11

Actually @Kittenlicker myself, DH and DC all have long fine hair. DDog has poodle crossed cavalier hair. She doesn't shed. The humans in the house in the other hand constantly block the hoover.

There's no black and white...

Kittenlicker · 30/05/2020 07:16

@Treacketoots. There may be very rare exceptions yes, but this is not the norm and I’m really hoping you don’t smell like dog.

VettiyaIruken · 30/05/2020 07:16

@AuroraBore

If you want a dog, YOU should be allowed to have a dog. It will be your dog and your partner does not need to take any responsibility for it.

Make advance arrangements for the dog (to be adopted by friend or whatever) in case something happens to you.

People also smell and shed hair so that's not a valid excuse for banning dogs from the home.

😂😂 that's hilarious.

And... If you wanted to move a human into your house, or indeed create one, you'd certainly need the agreement of your partner so I'm not sure what point you're making there.

Also, if you or your family members smell like dogs and leave hair everywhere, please see your GP because that's not normal.

Normalmumandwife · 30/05/2020 07:23

I wouldn't do it. I had similar except kids and DH wanted a dog and I refused flat out...I didn't want the mess, smell and hair and frankly I find keeping animals in a house awful. Now daughter is older I can see how much the Dyson gets clogged up with her hair, let alone a dog. But the over riding for me was I know most kids get bored and will not be up early in the morning to walk it despite best protestations that they will, especially as older teenagers so isn't fair on the animal.

But we have now had two good examples around us. One family got a dog, but some days both adults were out at work so the walk walker got engaged, and also one parent had to come home in lunch hour. Kids walking the dog....lasted at best a month and became a source of real tension. Dog has stayed and as kids hit university the parents enjoy walking so worked out but only just. NOTE...they were astounded at the vets bills especially when it became ill

Other family...dog had to be rehomed as parents didn't have time and the kids failed to honour their sword promises to look after it.

So I agree others. Don't get a dog unless all the family is committed and parents prepared to step in and do long walks in all weather if needbe. Make sure one person is at home during the day as otherwise not fair on the dog. Also be prepared for huge vet bills or insurance plus food. Oh and my personal view if forget flying holidays...friend describes the kennel bills as more expensive than if they had paid for the dog to come on holiday and is more susceptible to getting infections etc. Better buy a caravan and take doggie with you

SoupDragon · 30/05/2020 07:37

If you want a dog, YOU should be allowed to have a dog.

There's nothing to stop her moving out to get one. You don't get to bring a life changing thing into a home without the agreement of everyone who lives there. Men on MN aren't even allowed to go out and do their "hobby" let alone bring something into the home that will affect their whole lives!

Treacletoots · 30/05/2020 07:43

@Kittenlicker even the dog doesn't smell like dog...she gets a regular bath and doesn't have the greasy smelly doggy coat. It's soft and fluffy.

So I hope we don't?! But you never know.

vanillandhoney · 30/05/2020 07:46

If you want a dog, YOU should be allowed to have a dog. It will be your dog and your partner does not need to take any responsibility for it.

Yeah, pet ownership doesn't quite work like that though, does it? Hmm

speakout · 30/05/2020 07:50

Dogs smell.

Owners get used to it.

WoollyMammouth · 30/05/2020 07:51

But I can’t tolerate people who don’t like animals so...

What a twattish thing to say. You can like animals and not want to live with them!

Kittenlicker · 30/05/2020 07:53

I have a dog. It smells but I’m used to it. That’s what happens You get ‘nose blind’ but guaranteed it does smell and no amount of baths will change that.

crosser62 · 30/05/2020 07:54

No way, this would be a terrible thing to do.
It would be cruel if my dh turned up with a dog, because it would have to go straight back to wherever it came from.

There is absolutely no way ever I would agree to a dog in my house despite dh and my kids wanting one. No way.

I’m slowly eating myself to death during lockdown, they can get one when I’m gone.
The house will be a filthy shithole anyway, when I’m gone, add a smelly dog to it will complete that picture.

walkingchuckydoll · 30/05/2020 07:55

Can't you find someone in the neighbourhood with a dog that you can walk daily and take care of during holidays? My neighbour did that. He just loved walking a dog so took his neighbours dog for an extra long daily walk and they had a nice bond.

speakout · 30/05/2020 07:56

I adore dogs.

I have owned four dogs- one as a child, three as an adult.

They can become one of the family, provide endless companionship, affection, love, fun, security,

I don't want a dog. I know the work, responsibility and time needed to make sure a dog is well cared for and happy.

I am not willing to comitt to that in my life right now, or the forseeable future.

It is possible to love dogs and not want to own one.

vikingwife · 30/05/2020 07:58

I love my dogs so much their smell is intoxicating to me. their fur smells like biscuits or cake to me! I am not a parent but the way mothers describe loving “baby smell” ? Well to me babies smell quite unpleasant (vomit + milky combo) but my dogs’ fur is delicious. I don’t get this reaction from other people’s dogs only my own of course.

speakout · 30/05/2020 08:02

vikingwife

I understand that.

I actually like the smell of my own sweaty armpits.

I don't expect others to like them though.

Kittenlicker · 30/05/2020 08:28

@speakout 😂😂😂

ElephantsAlltheWayDown · 30/05/2020 08:42

I'm firmly in the "everyone has to want a dog" camp.

I'm an animal person. I'm not sure DH fully understood what this entailed when he married me, but I was clear it was a deal breaker and we now have two dogs and two horses he didn't particularly want, but agreed to. Sometimes I think he married the wrong person, but that aside, agreement is crucial.

Can your husband not be persuaded? I think that's the real hurdle to cross, rather than trying to justify bringing a dog home against his wishes. Is there something he wants that you've always vetoed?

I do find the concept of marriages where one party is completely unpersuadeable to be rather strange. Maybe DH and I are just big softies.

Kittenlicker · 30/05/2020 08:43

@vikingwife you are clearly a nutty dog person. You can’t ‘tolerate people who don’t like animals’ and you’ve got some weird fixation with your dog’s hair/smell. It’s fine that people don’t want animals in their life and that’s their choice. If you are a family then you make family decisions about what is best for the good of the whole not just one person.

GrouchyKiwi · 30/05/2020 08:58

I love my dog's smell too. I like to sniff her head. It smells delicious.

But yesterday I pulled a leaf out of her chest fur only to discover it was stuck there with dog shit. So that was a nice, dog-owning moment everyone should just have to put up with if someone in the house wants a dog.

rookiemere · 30/05/2020 08:59

Don't get one OP - if you're getting a dog at least one of the adults involved has to be more than lukewarm about dog ownership. We have a dog as I was talked into it by DH and DS then 12. I made it very clear that dog was not my responsibility and it is very much DHs dog as he organises vets, feeding and dog walker - but I really had to step away from getting involved. DS inevitably shows little interest, although says his life is happier for having DDog in it.

I do love DDog and have to say that in lockdown a dog is a complete asset, but I don't think I'd get another one -DH has said he wouldn't either - and he is expensive and adds a layer of complexity to everything. However as DS is now the typical grumpy teen, it is nice to have a being that thrives on affection and is always up for a country walk.

Intelinside57 · 30/05/2020 09:02

I love animals, I've had cats as pets for most of my life. I would not want a dog in our house and fortunately my husband agrees with me. I can't imagine what I'd do if a dog was foisted on me. They aren't like toys that will be put aside to sit in the corner when not in use. It would be wandering around the house, getting up on or rubbing on furniture. it might chew things. It would smell and drop hair, shit on the lawn... (yes you pick it up, but it still shits first).
You can't impose that on someone against their wishes.

Mittens030869 · 30/05/2020 09:03

It is possible to love dogs and not want to own one.

I agree with you. I loved my DSis's daft Labrador Retriever, we all did (well, apart from my cat when she came to visit Grin); even my DH, who's allergic to dogs, warmed to her. She was my DSis's constant companion through her abusive first marriage (her ex bullied her as well) and through the subsequent divorce and bonded with her DSS when she married again. We were all devastated when she had to be PTS. (When my DSis took her to be spayed, it turned out that she had no womb and an undeveloped testicle, so she was a hermaphrodite dog lol. She behaved like a bitch in the way she squatted to wee.)

But I still wouldn't want a dog myself. Just as well, as my DH is actually allergic so that would be wrong in every way. (Thankfully he wasn't allergic to cats, and I have 3 now.)

vikingwife · 30/05/2020 09:08

@Kittenlicker have said several times all members of the house should be on board, my post on dog smell was obviously lighthearted & not to be taken too seriously.

vikingwife · 30/05/2020 09:09

@GrouchyKiwi haha haha oh dear, how did she manage that?

Kittenlicker · 30/05/2020 09:15

And I quote ‘
It is mean spirited to deny your children the joy of owning a pet & experiencing that because you feel a certain way about animals. To push back for 16 years on your kid wanting a pet & having to work so hard to compromise on a rabbit ? To me that suggests a mean spirit. ’