To want to get a dog when my husband doesn't want one.

[BBOA]

My DS has been desperate for a dog for literally 10 years. Now 15. Like really desperate. DH is not an animal lover as was never brought up with them. DD is 12 and not that fussed about animals either. Couldn't even remember the names of her goldfish and didn't cry when one died! I love dogs and grew up with them so wouldn't be adverse to getting one. Maybe a dog rather than a puppy though as I'd prefer to give a rescue one a home. We compromised with a rabbit 6 years ago but lockdown has brought it all up again. Interested to hear how others have dealt with this issue. I know it's a big thing in terms of cost, time, commitment and £££, but convince me why DH gets the last word please. How have others got over this hurdle?

My DH doesn't like dogs, as a general rule. Some individual dogs he likes, but not loves (as I do).
We've been together nearly 20 years, I got my dog last year after all obstacles (rented house, small garden, not working at home, kids too young etc) disappeared.
He now loves the dog, as I hoped he would, but to be fair DDog has been exceptionally easy to live with, is a great family dog, the DC LOVE him.
My first job was in a dog kennels when I was 14, yes I had to pick up a lot of shit, but I also got to spend an awful lot of time with an amazing amount of dogs! Is there somewhere nearby where your DS can ask for a job once we're in that situation?

There are going to be so many foster dogs (and very young ones!) because of lockdown, OP. A lot of people with lockdown fever have become first-time puppy owners and they will have bitten off way more than they can chew. There will be a surplus of young dogs needing fostering. Maybe your DS could help you foster if your DH would agree to this. It could be a compromise AND it might ease your DH into dog ownership. Fostering could be your gateway drug into ownership. Have a look at the RSPCA website.

but convince me why DH gets the last word please

It's not him getting the last word per se, its the person who doesn't want the pet getting the last word. If he wanted a cat and you didn't (I know you said he's not a pet person but hypothetically), you would get the last word and say no cat.
If my DH came home with a dog I didn't want I'd be absolutely furious.

I also think that at 15yo it's too late to get a dog for the benefit of your son. He'll be leaving home in three years!

Most teenagers have no real interest in the day-to-day mundanity of a dog. They won't want to get up at 6am to walk it so that it's not too hot. They won't want to walk it in the dark, wind and pissing rain twice a day, everyday in the middle of winter. Believe me, muddy, wet and windy dog walks get old pretty quickly for adults, let alone for teenagers.

And as your DH isn't keen, all that will fall to you. It's not fun. Even walking around town is miserable as hell in the wind and driving rain. And young dogs need walks. Older ones may be able to skip the odd day but younger ones? No chance. They need to get out and exercise.

I also think if you end up doing all the early morning walks, the night wakings, the poo picking and training, you'll end up pretty resentful of your DH. He'll just say "you wanted the dog, you do the work" - it really should be a team effort.

A dog is a huge commitment and they become very much part of the family, it’s okay saying you will do all the work, but what happens if you are unwell or your situation changes? A dog is a commitment for 12 + years, can you honestly say you can look after this animal alone for this period?

I really wanted a dog and took a few years to convince DH. One day he said maybe it would be good for DS (has SEN) and I started looking.

A few months later we got a puppy. DH wasn’t interested in her. After about three weeks, after seeing how much happiness the puppy brought, he said we should have done it sooner! DH and the dog are besotted with each other.
A friend was in a similar situation yet her husband never warmed to the dog.

I agree everyone needs to want to dog.

However I got my dog the instant I split up with a partner partly so the next one had to accept the package. Current and hopefully permanent partner adores the dog and cares for him when we go on holiday.

He is my dog though and I accept the poo and all the grim stuff I don't expect anyone else to do it.

It's hard though. I would find watching my children pine for a pet hard as they adore the dog and cuddle him all the time

Everyone has to want any pet. I dislike dogs, it would have been a deal breaker if DH had been a dog person who always assumed we would own one. I established this before marriage. I think DS would quite like a dog, at least initially, but we will not be getting one. We have a cat that we all like.

. I would find watching my children pine for a pet hard as they adore the dog and cuddle him all the time

That's because they have one. Children pine for lots of things they can't have - sweets, chips every day, a baby sibling, an older brother or sister (impossible!). If they don't get them they do get over it easily.

Yabvu, it's your husband's home you cannot get a dog. I would not feel comfortable in my own home if DH decided to get a cat (not a cat fan).

My husband was reluctant to get a dog but I accidentally got one!

He’s a big part of the household and DH takes him on walks feeds him chats to him and generally soils him with his tea dregs and tip bits. He’d be lost without him.

If you go for a rescue could you agree to a trial run? A lot of rescue places allow this.

The whole household has to be 100% on board to get a dog. Anything less is cruel. They take up so much time and commitment.

My dog was a year in February, we've had her since she was a puppy. We've wanted one for years but waited until my husband was retired to get one. I love her to bits but believe me it's like having a toddler. We have to think of her needs all the time. We went to New York last October to celebrate our silver wedding, and left her with a relative who loves dogs but doesn't want the responsibility of one all the time, so does dog fostering etc. My husband was almost crying at the thought of leaving her, and has said from now onwards all holidays have to be in the UK or Ireland so we can take her with us! At least with kids they go to Spain or Greece or wherever with you! We can leave her for say 3-4 hours so enough for an evening out but otherwise it's difficult.

I would suggest you and/or your son maybe do volunteer work with animal charities or use websites like BorrowMyDoggy or (I think it's called) The Cinnamon Trust.Anyway it's a charity that older people with dogs can be paired up with volunteers who can share in the dog walking. The volunteer gets the pleasure of dog walking but the owner retains the companionship of the dog.

here is the dog committment for 15 years:

• you will give it all the attention and training it needs
• you recognise that it is like having a permanent toddler
• you will not leave it alone for more than a short time. If you are at work you will PAY for day care. You recognise that it will limit your time out of the house. 'we need to go home for the dog' will be your mantra.
• if your neighbours tell you that it is barking, you will take action immediately without argument. If that means taking it indoors and having it destroy the place, tough.
• you will respect the restrictions on where you can go with a dog; beaches, parks, other venues. You will ALWAYS have it on a lead on a public road regardless of traffic levels. (That's the law since 1988).
• you will pick up all excreta and carry the bag until you reach a dog waste bin with space, or your own bin. You will never leave the bag anywhere. If you forget the bag you will use your hand.

is your son happy to sign up for that? Of course not. Are you?

I know a family where the dad got a dog against the mum's wishes. The level of resentment that built up was horrible. Even if the dog wanted does 100% of dogwork (and in that case they didn't) everyone else is still affected. In their case the dog was completely unmanageable when the dad wasn't around. Not fair on family or dog.
I wanted a pet growing up. My mum always said no as my dad had "allergies" which was parent speak for "I'll end up doing all the work and I don't want to." I did resent this, but as an adult I've adopted a cat. I can quite understand my mum not wanting to deal with the poo, fluff and maintenance of a let she doesn't want.

Would your DH consent to you fostering a dog? Many small rescues are really struggling and organisations like Cinnamon Trust also need carers for older people’s pets.

I am happy to 'pat' a friends dog, and will hold the lead and walk them.
I can see the attraction (to others) of having one.

However, I actively do not want the hassle of a dog in my life.

Personally this would be a dealbreaker for me but my DP and I have discussed it before things even got serious! My DP would leave me if I decided I didn't want a dog now.

I'm you OP - I'd really like a dog, but my husband is dead against it at the moment. He didn't grow up with any animals and still has never had a pet, but wants a cat once we move into a house. I'm happy to get a cat (and do slightly see it as a gateway to ultimately getting a dog :D), but if I can't change his mind then I'll have to live without.

My plan is to keep working on him until retirement - I think retirement would be a great time to get a dog.

My plan is to keep working on him until retirement - I think retirement would be a great time to get a dog.

4amWitchingHour No means no. I would hate to be nagged at repeatedly for years over an animal that I most certainly didn’t want. You need to respect his wishes.

Why would you be happy forcing an animal on your husband? Why would you be happy forcing him to share space with it? It wouldn’t be good for the dog or him. Don’t be selfish.

My sister in law has a dog. Her whole life is governed by whether she can leave the dog at home when she visits us or where she can go that allows dogs. Three years ago she bought a static caravan and sold it 10 months later because she couldn't leave the dog in the caravan (too hot, and anyway the site didn't allow it) but there weren't any places on site where dogs were allowed, and not many shops or cafes in the local town where dogs were allowed, and she obviously didn't want to tie the dog up outside and leave her.
My husband and I had quite liked the idea of having a dog, but were completely put off by the restrictions we knew would be put on our lives. Aside from that, we find our cat expensive to keep, and I'm sure a dog would be worse. Have I put you off yet?

What happens if you "force" him into getting one or just go ahead and he hates it? All the people saying "oh, my DH said no but I got one anyway and he loves the dog" - what would you have done if he absolutely hated it? What would you have done if you'd said no to something equally life changing and he did it anyway?

That is incredibly rude, @MrsRogerLima.

So many typos 😂 so passionate am I against having a dog.

How is it rude?