Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to get a dog when my husband doesn't want one.

248 replies

BBOA · 28/05/2020 23:48

My DS has been desperate for a dog for literally 10 years. Now 15. Like really desperate. DH is not an animal lover as was never brought up with them. DD is 12 and not that fussed about animals either. Couldn't even remember the names of her goldfish and didn't cry when one died! I love dogs and grew up with them so wouldn't be adverse to getting one. Maybe a dog rather than a puppy though as I'd prefer to give a rescue one a home. We compromised with a rabbit 6 years ago but lockdown has brought it all up again. Interested to hear how others have dealt with this issue. I know it's a big thing in terms of cost, time, commitment and £££, but convince me why DH gets the last word please. How have others got over this hurdle?

OP posts:
sunflowersandtulips50 · 30/05/2020 09:20

speakout I wish I had too. They were all so convincing that it would be great. Truth be told I could have sat back and ignored it but the dog wasn't being walked, skin wasn't being managed and he was stinking because of yeast infections due to itching linked with allergies. So I took over and I haven't stopped complaining. My DH says you love the dog now. Just like some folks on here have said after bringing a dog into the family. I do love my dog but I resent the impact on my life.

vikingwife · 30/05/2020 09:23

@Kittenlicker it may be mean spirited (imo) but everyone should be willing. I said that in my first reply! That doesn’t mean vetoing they experience of your child having a loved pet isn’t mean spirited though. Especially if you yourself don’t have to take care of it & your spouse is prepared to do all the pet work!

Flower34 · 30/05/2020 09:25

Place marking. Keen to hear opinions on this. My husband wants a dog and I don’t!

dramaqueen · 30/05/2020 09:28

I wanted a dog and my DH and 2 teens were against it. Now we all say we love the ddog the most out of our family and she sleeps on my DD’s bed.

Do it, and rehome anyone who doesn’t fall in love with it.

dramaqueen · 30/05/2020 09:29

Should have added that we got an ex puppy farm rescue and then they fell in love with it

GreenGreenGrassofSloane · 30/05/2020 09:33

Dh said we could have a dog but wanted nothing to do with it. So I said no and I banned the kids from talking to him about it, hassling to get what you want is not good - about six months later dh found a book the kids had taken out from the library on dog care and he melted..and said yes and he'd get involved (think he was still a bit apprehensive though but he's a softy so I knew he'd be fine)
Dh is the dog's favourite and dh spoils him rotten - kids never fulfilled their promises to walk him daily but we are all besotted and a bit obsessed with him. Happy we got a dog but a bit worried about losing him - love him too much.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 30/05/2020 09:34

I do find the concept of marriages where one party is completely unpersuadeable to be rather strange.

But surely if the OP keeps pushing to get a dog, she becomes the ‘completely unpersuadable’ one? Why is her husband the one who has to give in? Realistically it’s far easier to decide not to get a dog than it is to get one.

GreenGreenGrassofSloane · 30/05/2020 09:36

And my sister got a dog for her dd even though my sister hated dogs - the dog was apparently going to sleep in their (heated) garage...the dog of course sleeps upstairs on her bed now and she's very much in love with their dog - she still hates everyone else's. Confused

GrouchyKiwi · 30/05/2020 09:38

@vikingwife I don't know! I suspect she discovered a lovely pile when out on her walk the previous day and had to have a bit of a roll in it. Ah, dogs. Such lovely clean creatures.

It's a good thing I love her so much. Grin

Mittens030869 · 30/05/2020 09:47

*I do find the concept of marriages where one party is completely unpersuadeable to be rather strange.
*
I find it strange that a couple wouldn't find out about such an incompatibility before they become seriously involved. My DH wasn't a cat person but he knew I had one, so that marrying me meant that he'd be sharing his home with at least one furry friend, as that part was not negotiable.

TreeTopTim · 30/05/2020 09:58

I went on holiday and came back to find that my now exh had brought home two kittens. I was fuming. He knew that I didn't want pets. We had a young child, I was suffering with pnd, we lived in a high flat with no garden, he worked 6 days a week and played football on his day off so was never home. The kittens went back the next day. Exh was a controling horrible man.

Givenupno · 30/05/2020 10:06

I do find the concept of marriages where one party is completely unpersuadeable to be rather strange.”

What a strange comment.

I have seen posts on here where women have stated they would leave if their partner grew a beard or shaved their head ffs.

I really want a threesome and a motorbike. My Mrs has put her foot down on both.

Incidentally - we were due to leave the house an hour ago. The dog is hers, I tolerate him being in the house but to be honest he stinks and the house stinks and we can never go out properly.

We haven’t left yet as if he doesn’t have a poo before we leave he will do it in the house before we leave, so she is currently pacing up and down the garden with him trying to get things moving.

Dogs are lovely. Dog ownership is a massive PITA unless you are completely on board with it, especially if it’s not something g you have done before as you lose so much flexibility and freedom.

She now agrees (of her own admission, I have never mentioned it as an issue as the dog was part of the package when we got together) and will never own another.

Stefoscope · 30/05/2020 10:18

As a child free person it’s quite amusing to read the responses from people who don’t want pets - because it’s socially acceptable to say such things about getting a dog. I’m not saying their feelings are not valid, just that perhaps the people who are anti-dog May soften a bit if they realise they sound as harsh & uncompromising as someone who wishes to not have children in the home & voices that !

I'm child free but no way would I have stayed in a relationship with my DP if he was desperate to have a family and thought, with time, he could grind me down to his way of thinking. I couldn't care less if people don't like my household full of pets and that's unrelated to whether or not they have children. Similarly when I take my dog to work with me he's trained to stay out of the way and not approach customers unless they express an interest in interacting with him.

4Smalls · 30/05/2020 10:27

Lots of generalisations being made about dogs (they stink, they ruin your life, they shed etc etc). A small dog, a non-shedding breed that does not need a huge amount of exercise really doesn't need to upset the family apple-cart. But someone has to be prepared 100% to put the work in, especially in the early days. And that someone has to be the person who wanted the dog in the first place.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 30/05/2020 10:41

But how much of the extra time you get spent picking up bags of shit?

Windinmyhair · 30/05/2020 10:43

See I'm in this position as well... I TOLD my then boyfriend that I wanted a dog in the future when we were living in a house and could and he didn't tell him he wouldn't and didn't like them.

Now why should he be able to veto when he didn't veto 14 years ago? I could have vetoed him then...

Saints22 · 30/05/2020 10:43

I could never live in a house with a dog. I had one jump in my pushchair and it was years before I was able to be around dogs. No-one who did not know me in childhood would know this or realise.

Could this be something similar with the OPs DH?

I agree with one of the earlier responses that it has to be all the family wanting the dog.

Meredithgrey1 · 30/05/2020 11:00

I'm an animal person. I'm not sure DH fully understood what this entailed when he married me, but I was clear it was a deal breaker and we now have two dogs and two horses he didn't particularly want, but agreed to. Sometimes I think he married the wrong person, but that aside, agreement is crucial.

I do find the concept of marriages where one party is completely unpersuadeable to be rather strange. Maybe DH and I are just big softies.

But it sounds like you were completely unpersuadable on not having a dog? Which is fine if you really want one I guess, but you've criticised that exact thing in your last paragraph.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 31/05/2020 10:07

Dog owners live longer

Yes but they have to live with a dog.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 31/05/2020 10:25

Dog owners live longer Not if living with one increases your stress levels.

Kittenlicker · 31/05/2020 10:38

....Or it savages you Wink

Pikachubaby · 31/05/2020 10:48

@vikingwife my dog smelled biscuity too Grin

She’s a short haired lurcher, what’s yours?

OP, it is all about WHY your DH does not want a dog. I never wanted one as I knew I’d have to do all the work. I relented as I knew DH loved dogs, and it was always part of him. Also, the 2 DC always wanted one.

We eventually got one (I had a moment of weakness) and goodness I love her. She has contributed great happiness to all in our house

The DC say she is my “favourite child” Grin

So it all depends on the reason, and if you can sort of persuade him you’ll do the poo picking/extra hoovering/organising dog sitters when on hol etc

If he has a deep seated hatred of dogs, of course it can’t happen Sad

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread