To want to get a dog when my husband doesn't want one.

[BBOA]

My DS has been desperate for a dog for literally 10 years. Now 15. Like really desperate. DH is not an animal lover as was never brought up with them. DD is 12 and not that fussed about animals either. Couldn't even remember the names of her goldfish and didn't cry when one died! I love dogs and grew up with them so wouldn't be adverse to getting one. Maybe a dog rather than a puppy though as I'd prefer to give a rescue one a home. We compromised with a rabbit 6 years ago but lockdown has brought it all up again. Interested to hear how others have dealt with this issue. I know it's a big thing in terms of cost, time, commitment and £££, but convince me why DH gets the last word please. How have others got over this hurdle?

I had to wait long into retirement before I could get a dog. It is a shared home and a dog brings so much joy but also so many changes. My husband likes dogs, often said he would like to take one for a walk, but always stopped at actually getting one. I felt it was not fair to impose this change into the home when the reasons he was against it were valid. Now we have one, he is besotted with her.

I brought a rescue home once.
2 years old had been puppy farmed and already had two litters.

Was left to fester in a barn poor thing.

Dh was abit shocked and unsure to start with but there was no way I could leave this poor dog.

For 8 years she was attached to my dh hip and he absolutely adored her.

Depends on how much he's against it really.

I don't do puppies simply because there are so many rescues that need homes.

I currently have two large breed and very lazy rescues and they are amazing. Dh also absolutely adores these.

Is he totally against it or just abit 😑 meh?

Maybe I will think about rehoming DH instead

Excellent idea!

What breed or type of dog would you be interested in, once the obstacle has gone?

I grew up with animals and DH didnt. He doesnt hate them, but all he sees is cost and work.
I really wanted a dog when we first moved in and he was against it. So i went and got a dog! We have 2 now and 2 cats
I was young back then and not having an animal would have been a deal breaker for me. Just moved in, not married yet, no family, so i took my chances.
It all worked out in the end, but with kids involved and all you probably want everyone on board before you make such a life changing decision for the family.

I was the kid that wanted a dog.. my Dad wasn't an animal lover .. neither were my brothers but my mum was on board.

We eventually got a dog and no not everyone in the house was convinced but they all absolutely fell in love and our first dog ( a rescue) lived a long happy life with us till he died .. fast forward 20 years my dad would now never be without a dog and my brother and his family also adore their own dogs now..
I get the advice saying that everyone should be committed but I also think people sometimes
do not realise how wonderful dogs can be till you have one.

Can you offer to look after any friends dogs to get DH more on board ?

There are other things to consider as well, for example do you rent or own?

Depending on the dog how safe will the Rabbit be?

You said you are now responsible for the rabbit, so despite how desperate your son is, will he actually take responsibility for the dog?

As PP have said in maybe 3 years he will be moving out, who then gets to keep the dog?

Don’t inflict a dog on someone who doesn’t want to live with someone.

Don’t inflict a life in a house with someone who doesn’t want a dog on a dog.

Dogs smell. If you love them you probably don’t notice - he will.

You can’t go for days out anymore - he will resent this

Holidays become a major issue - he will resent this

The cost of vets etc will be a source of contention.

Car choices become dictated by the dog.

Spontaneous days out or trips away become a thing of the past.

They lock everything and make everything stink.

They wreck your furniture

They piss and shit everywhere

They need walking in all weathers

Your son will leave home soon and won’t care anyway

Do you live on a large property with a large plot where the dog could have a large fenced area of the garden to itself and somewhere to build a huge dog house/kennel with secure outdoor space and an indoor area that’s heated/cooled depending on time of year and space to then have another dog to keep it company? If not personally I think it’s cruel on the animal any.

Ps - they stink, and make the owners car, soft furnishings and clothes stink as well

YABU.

Dogs are a massive commitment. I love dogs but I wouldn't want one of my own. It's like having another child in a way - you can't leave it on its own for too long as it's unfair. My parents have a dog and they always have to leave get togethers early as they can only leave the dog for a couple of hours. No thanks.

I've got dogs which my husband wouldn't have got alone. He likes them and plays with them but does not do all the walking. I've got the dogs because the twice daily walks keep me sane and I love their company. Our children spent their childhoods up hills walking dogs and look back on it very fondly now. They do offer to help everyday now as love them too.

Absolutely not OP very unfair to get one if everyone in the house isn’t in agreement. I would also resent being ‘warmed up’ to the idea as well, I’m dead set that i wouldn’t want a dog for all of the above reasons. My eldest asked for a dog once, soon changed her mind when I told her all that was involved in dog care

Your DS should consider joining one of those "dog-sharing" groups where you create a bond with a family living locally and do things like walk their dog for them. Or the Cinnamon Trust?

I was going to suggest the Cinnamon Trust.
Do shelters still recruit volunteer walkers?

I'm not wildly keen on dogs in homes with rabbits. At the end of the day, one is prey and one is predator, so it must be stressful. I wouldn't want to like with a trained lion.

But there is nothing like the love of a man for a dog he didn't want. DH now wants to sleep with our rescue. Who he didn't want.

You don't have to get a puppy. Would your husband countenance a rescue dog which doesn't have so many years left?
My husband wasn't the keenest in getting our first dog, but I've never seen tears like the ones he shed when he died. That beast was remarkable. He wasn't overly keen on getting another because of the pain of loss. But we did, mainly because we wanted our Josie to feel like a home again when our grown children came back (and because one of them at least is always keener to see the dog than us!), and in fact DH and dog are beautifully bonded now.
What I'm saying is if he could just be pursauaded I think he wouldn't regret it. I g at that there are dog and.non dog people. But they are fantastic companions and knit a family together in times of crisis.
Or at least have done in our case

We had a similar situation but with a cat. I wanted a cat, my husband didn't. Eventually he suggested going to the RSPCA to look. Obviously I chose one immediately!

My husband feeds the cat and I do the messy bits and now the cat is elderly I get up in the middle of the night to obey her demands.

My husband doesn't want another cat when ours passes away. He doesn't like the fact that it is harder to go away, the noise (our cat is now deaf and yowls a lot), that the cat sits on him and makes him uncomfortable or her stuff around the house. He likes her and happily makes her outdoor cat houses and she follows him around like a dog.

I won't try to persuade him this time around as it isn't fair on him, even though I will be sad not to have a cat. You do both need to be on board.

It's not fair to get a dog if your dh doesn't want one. It's a big imposition on his space in the house, and he may not feel comfortable around dogs. Your son can have one when he's an adult.

You could also ask your DH if he could accept the family occasionally looking after another family's dog when they go away on a short trip etc. I am not a dog person at all, but could potentially be OK with this as an occasional thing if my husband or child loved dogs.

You do have to change your life. You can’t spontaneously go out. Holidays, have you made provision for this? You can’t leave them on their own for long. Are you both working? Again, provision needs to be made. To do it properly it’s not cheap. Good quality food, pet insurance, vets fees, grooming, etc. It all adds up but totally worth it for me. If your DH is not on board would he resent this?

I put YABU because given the age of your son, it’s too late now. The time to do it was ten years ago. Sorry.

Because the person who doesn’t want a dog wins over the one that does. Bit like if only one of you wants a baby.

And I say this as someone who would like a dog and I know my DS would. But DH doesn’t.

If your DS is 15 realistically how many more years will he be at home for with a dog.

@AfterSchoolWorry

It wouldn't be fair. I'd hate a dog. The inconvenience, the smell, the constant vigilance required to stop it bolting out and killing itself every time you need to open a door, the poo in the garden, the drool, the weeping eyes, stains around their mouths etc I find then very disgusting and it'd depress me a lot to have to live with one.

Eww thats a grim experience/perception of dogs 🤢 I have a small brown female dog, she’s fed a top dry food so her poos are small and she doesn’t drool!

You say OP that of the two adults in the household, you "wouldn't be adverse to getting one [a dog]" but that your husband definitely doesn't want one.

So we have one lukewarm, and one No.

Do you see how bonkers sorry - irresponsible - it would be to get a dog for your child?

There are posts on here all the time of adults who get dogs/ puppies to only realise weeks later that they can't cope and they underestimated the commitment. What do you think the chances are that your 15 year old son, will be able to make that lifelong (the pet's life) to an animal? By rights, in just a couple of years your son will be off down the pub, to Festivals, Uni, travelling, or starting at work. Whilst the dog will be left behind at home with mum & dad who didn't want it in the first place. Or does he think he will give up all those opportunities to stay behind and look after his dog?

You have to say no. Your son can get a pet when he's old enough to give it a home himself.

Sorry, but that's the tough lesson you must learn when you become responsible for another creature's entire life & wellbeing.

BTW, my own two dogs get me up between 5 and 6 every morning to go for a walk. I bet your son wouldn't be up for that for more than a week or two.

We are currently looking for a rescue dog for my 15yo.
She has wanted one for ever and is animal mad and due to do animal care at college after GCSEs. We have an appropriate lifestyle and are happy to make the compromises.

DD's mental health has trumped the fact the DH and I would rather not.

Can I say 15 is not 'too old for a dog'. Our kids were 10 and 8 so a bit younger, but honestly, the arrival of the second dog when they were 22 (and living away) and 20 (likewise) was just as special to them. They have no doubt become 'dog people" though, and will want one of their own as soon as circumstances allow. In fact a great big teenage boy becomes the most lovable pup himself when in the company of a dog. IME anyway!

I couldn't marry someone who doesn't absolutely adore dogs. When dating, it was one of my top priorities.

To be flippant, you're a grown woman. If you want a dog and you're prepared to take care of it then barring a life threatening allergy it's your choice. And if your DH is allergic you can always re-home (your DH) :)

Oh absolutely unreasonable. A dog has a massive impact on a family.
How long you can all be out of the house, where you can go on holiday, dog friendly everything, training, walks come rain or shine, it is not something you can force on someone. You can't force a huge change in how they have to live their life.