My ex has decided he only wants kids every other weekend

[johowieorla]

Not posted anything on here for a long long time, since the kids were babies, they're now 10 and 13. Myself and my ex are separated, not divorced. I left him as we just could not get on, we've not divorced and I've taken no money from him other than the monthly sum he gives me for the kids. Split 5 years ago. He now has a new partner, who is lovely btw but now he has decided he wants the kids every other weekend instead of Saturday to Monday morning every week. AIBU in thinking this isn't fair? I have to take and pick them up from their dads, school run and dance and kickboxing clubs in the week every day. Please hit me with it! If I am being unreasonable tell me!!

I think it's fair that you both have a weekend "off" if possible. Can he have them during the week to make up for it?

A lot of people have EOW plus one night in the week. Are you near enough for that?

Letting him have them every weekend would seem unfair on you, as you would never get quality time with them.

Or some people swap week on, week off, or divide the week in half with each parent getti some weekend time.

There’s no one way, but ideally the arrangement should work for you all, especially the kids.

EOW is fair.

What isn’t fair is you doing all the running around. He needs to pick them up and drop them off.

The weekends he doesn't do he should pick up 2 days in the week.

At the moment you don't get any 'fun' time with them. You may find you prefer the new arrangement. But he could also have them one evening a week, pick them up from school, take to their clubs etc as otherwise its a longtime in between visits.

YABU, I think it's nice if you both get to have them for some weekends, rather than you doing all of the fetching and carrying mid week and him getting all of the weekend fun? EOW with him doing some weekday stuff would be fairer if you live near enough?

Will he increase the monthly payment?

Him having them every weekend isn't fair on anyone.
If he works during The week then he will never get down time.
The children will never get days off with you or you with them.

You need an arrangement that splits parenting.

However. You can't force someone to be a parent.

Eow is fair but why are you doing the running around for that?

I would want EOW "off" myself in this situation. Why don't you ?

Bit it sounds like the current arrangement you do the weekday stuff anyways? So really, you'd still be doing that, but you would have one full weekend on every other week and one full weekend off.

Is it the full weekend off that you don't want?

I don't mind him having them EOW but that does mean that they will only see him once every 2 weeks as he can't cope with having them in the week and taking them to school and their clubs. I just feel it's unfair that I'll be doing all the running around, until 9 at night 3 x a lot week and he's having lots of spare time to go to the gym etc

It seems unfair on you that you only get the difficult weekday juggling and no relaxed weekend quality time with your DC - I think you'll end up preferring it this way to be honest.

just feel it's unfair that I'll be doing all the running around

But you do this anyways?!

Why haven’t you divorced?

Could he have EOW, from Friday night, and a night or two in the week so he shares the school/weekly stuff and you each get a weekend.

What part do you think isn’t fair?

He can't just decide something or other has to change just because that's what he wants. Arsehole.

So either have him have the kids in a wed or cut down on the clubs if it’s too much. (And let’s face it, school runs and clubs aren’t an issue for the next few months)!

There's nothing 'fair' about care for your kids after separation. What is best for your kids?
The best for them is parents who don't feel they are doing more than they should and co-parenting so they feel they are wanted. Most kids of separated parents are anxious and worried it is our job to alleviate this.

He ought to do a midweek overnight if possible, but if he won't you can't make him. You're not far off the DC making their own way to clubs etc.

Until 9pm three nights a weeks is quite a lot op,especially school nights.

Have they done these clubs for a long time and was he involved in them at all?

So you don’t want more time with them because it’s hard work. But they don’t have school or activities over the weekend?

If that’s the only time he will see them it’s unfair on them and you.

It’s time you got divorced does he pay you what he should by law?

I would suggest back to him he has to ha e kids a couple of days a week if he wants to do every other weekend.

Theres no reason 13 year old cant have a key to his house and go there after school

Why haven't you settled the financials?

Why do you drive them for him?

Do a car share with other parents so you do less driving.

It is odd to want to keep all the midweek crap and give away all the relaxing weekend time.