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AIBU?

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Original poster

My ex has decided he only wants kids every other weekend

347 replies

johowieorla · 21/05/2020 20:53

Not posted anything on here for a long long time, since the kids were babies, they're now 10 and 13. Myself and my ex are separated, not divorced. I left him as we just could not get on, we've not divorced and I've taken no money from him other than the monthly sum he gives me for the kids. Split 5 years ago. He now has a new partner, who is lovely btw but now he has decided he wants the kids every other weekend instead of Saturday to Monday morning every week. AIBU in thinking this isn't fair? I have to take and pick them up from their dads, school run and dance and kickboxing clubs in the week every day. Please hit me with it! If I am being unreasonable tell me!!

OP posts:
Still1nLove · 21/05/2020 22:05

So really he only has them one day a week,Saturday evening until Monday morning.

Original poster
johowieorla · 21/05/2020 22:05

Yes he currently only does sat evening until Monday morning 7am.

OP posts:
Marsalimay · 21/05/2020 22:07

So at the moment he has them for all of Sunday (4 nights and 2 days a fortnight). Now he wants eow (3 nights and 2 days a fortnight)?

WaxOnFeckOff · 21/05/2020 22:08

I think it's not the running around per se, tiring though it is, it's the fact that other half is making no effort to help. It makes you feel resentful and put upon.

Paperchainpopp · 21/05/2020 22:10

@johowieorla hi does your ex have a full time job? In all honesty him taking the kids from 6pm on Sat till Monday morning EVERY week is a lot for him.
I can see how you feel it’s a drastic change but maybe he could do every other week and have the kids Saturday morning till Monday.
Most people would do Sat till Sunday.

Bringmewineandcake · 21/05/2020 22:10

He sounds like a dick.

But you haven't answered why you have to pick them up on a Monday morning? They are with him, he needs to get them to school and you need to stop letting him treat you like a doormat.

Your DD being at a dance school 15 miles away 6 days a week is an insane choice but one you've made so you can't complain when you won't do anything about it.

Noconceptofnormal · 21/05/2020 22:12

I would agree to this IF either he either takes on some of the running around to clubs or pays you extra do you can get some child minding hours to give you an extra break. And the amount he pays also should go up to take account of this. You shouldn't be out of pocket, either for time or money. You don't have to agree to it so only do it if you can get the overall situation working better for you.

SD1978 · 21/05/2020 22:12

I think h should have more week time responsibilities, but I don't believe that the current arrangement is fair to the kids. They o let ever see their um during the week, in the evenings, and never second any quality time. Equally, he doesn't get any change to meet up with friends or a partner ever without kids on the weekend, and yet you can every weekend? Can you go to a during the week and one weekend arrangement?

Candyfloss99 · 21/05/2020 22:13

Do you like never having them at the weekend? So you never actually get to go anywhere with them?

Marsalimay · 21/05/2020 22:14

You shouldn't be out of pocket, either for time or money.

They're her children, that she decided to have.

Original poster
johowieorla · 21/05/2020 22:14

There's no real reason he can't take them to school on a Monday to be honest, it's just that I've always done it !

Yep agree the dance is insane - but that's another discussion altogether!

OP posts:
WaxOnFeckOff · 21/05/2020 22:14

@johowieorla hi does your ex have a full time job? In all honesty him taking the kids from 6pm on Sat till Monday morning EVERY week is a lot for him

And what if OP also has a full time job?

Honestly poor diddums having to have the children he brought into the world for a few hours a week.

there are single parents whose DC never go to another person and they have them 24/7 and also have a full time job.

Techway · 21/05/2020 22:15

Switch to wow Friday might to Sun PM or Monday AM

vanillandhoney · 21/05/2020 22:15

You need to stand up to him more.

He should have them EOW Friday night until Monday morning. That means he picks them up from school, takes DD to dance and drops them back at school on Mondays. When he doesn't have them at the weekend he can have a couple of nights in the week instead.

Stop running around after him. He's more than capable of taking them to school he just knows if he stamps his feet enough, you'll do it instead.

Rodehereonthebus · 21/05/2020 22:16

How is EOW 'fair'? Don't children have 2 parents? I really don't understand this. Unless there is some reason not to share care equally, this is hugely disproportionate. One party (almost always the mother) does all the running around and the other party does minimal parenting.

Original poster
johowieorla · 21/05/2020 22:17

@waxomfeckoff he's self employed, I work part time

OP posts:
Audreyhelp · 21/05/2020 22:18

Maybe the new partner has moaned about every weekend being took up .at the end of the day you can’t force him to have the children more..

Paperchainpopp · 21/05/2020 22:18

@WaxOnFeckOff I was simply trying to understand the matter. There’s not much point of the kids going on a Sat at 6pm is there? What is the reason because it’s rather odd and so is the Monday part too. It all sounds more hectic than it needs to be.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/05/2020 22:18

So at the moment he has them for all of Sunday (4 nights and 2 days a fortnight). well 2 nights (Sat and Sun) and 1.25 days (sat night, Sunday, morning breakfast)

Sounds like he needs to have them from school Friday until school Monday. He'd get Friday night with them both, Sat with your son, Sat night and Sunday with them both. Eow would work like that as you'd get a whe weekend off and he wouldn't basically be seeing them 2 days a month

BigChocFrenzy · 21/05/2020 22:19

"He should have them EOW Friday night until Monday morning.
That means he picks them up from school, takes DD to dance and drops them back at school on Mondays."

Yes, that's more normal for EOW
So tell him

WaxOnFeckOff · 21/05/2020 22:19

I honesly thin your life would be easier if he had them EOW but he collects them Friday night from school or Dance and you get them from school on a Monday. That cuts you down to two dance pick ups in the week he has them if you still share with other parent and also don't have to do school drop off that week. Means your other week is worse than now as you'll have Saturday pick up but it also means that you are straight to school on a Monday rather than over to his first. Essentially you've have one extra day with them and he'll have to do more running around but get a weekend off in compensation.

Original poster
johowieorla · 21/05/2020 22:19

Ok so I'm asking is sat 6pm until Monday 7am EOW reasonable?

OP posts:
Paperchainpopp · 21/05/2020 22:19

@vanillandhoney I agree

Original poster
johowieorla · 21/05/2020 22:20

I need to sort this out legally, if I asked him to help in the week, or would be a no.

OP posts:
WaxOnFeckOff · 21/05/2020 22:21

I get your point Paper, but it came across as poor Ex having to work and look after his Dc for a day a week.

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