Should he delete it?

[emlizcor]

Our daughter is 18 and has been driving for about 6 months, she has a black box and and app with her insurance that rates her driving. As we pay for the insurance and obviously want her to be safe and also see the cost come down, my husband, her dad has the app on his phone as well as her. She is not happy at this because alongside rating her speed etc it shows where she has driven. We don’t even look at that as it’s really not that interesting we just check her ratings but she’s kicking off hugely insisting he should delete the app. She says it’s weird and controlling and won’t accept we’re not checking up on her all the time.
Our view is pay your own insurance and we’ll delete it. What do you think?

I agree, you have a right to know how she is being rated. Like you say, any issue, pay it herself?

I’d delete it.

Why isn't she paying her own insurance?

Hmm. I can see both sides here. Tbh I am on her side though. I would have hated this and I doubt my parents would have done it to me as they trusted me.

What’s the compromise? Would she rather you had it on your phone? Or she gives you the driving data each week?

Do you have reason to worry about her driving skills?

Insurance for a new driver is thousands usually, I don’t think it’s as easy as ‘she just needs to pay it’ especially in the current climate.

I'm not sure the average 18 year old can pay for their own insurance it's extortionate!

I would just agree to not look at where she's driving and stick to that but continue to look at how the driving is rated (I believe most of the point of the black box is to let young drivers know they're being observed so they drive ore cautiously). Like you say you're paying for the insurance, when she's an adult who pays her own insurance she'll be entitled to a bit more privacy.

I'd think she'd got something to hide from that reaction. Where is she going that she wouldn't want you to know about? It'd make me want to check it.

I also can see both sides.

I’d see why you want to have it, but I can also see why she’s not chuffed about you being able to track her movements.

Don’t you trust her to let you see it whenever you wish?

I wouldn't watch her in that way, it seems a bit intrusive. If her insurance goes up, she will have to fund the additional cost would be the approach I'd take.

I'd delete it. She's an adult and just because you are helping financially it doesn't mean you can monitor her like she's a child.

I wouldn't delete it now. Maybe say you will delete it after she has been driving for a year?

I think she sounds over sensitive to the thought of you checking where she is. Doesnt she tell you where she is anyway,? We have this app, and as you say, my answer would be pay for your own insurance then if she cant trust you arent keeping an eye on her. I'd turn it round that way, trust goes both ways.

Im fully aware of the cost of insurance.
I always had to pay my own and I expected dsc to pay his own.

Who bought the car? Is it her's or yours? This would also have a bearing on it in my opinion.

No. I wouldn't delete I'd speak to her like an adult and expect an adult response how dare she dictate to you. You're doing nothing wrong apart from enabling self important unpleasant behaviour. If you were checking up on her fine (and quite frankly a good back up to have with a very young adult who lives off you and under your roof and you care about) but you're not.

I'm not sure why you need to check her ratings - the insurance company will do that, surely? You could maybe make an agreement that if, next year, her premium goes up because of bad ratings she pays it herself - then you agree to delete the app.

She should have enough respect for you to not carelessly drive her premium up and not care that you get the bill, but given that she doesn't trust you not to look at the journeys I'm thinking there's a bit of an issue there.

Re. something to hide, sure - secret partner, house parties, skipping college, whatever - but she's 18 and can make those decisions herself.

We have trackers on my kids phones. My stance on this is I bought and paid for their phone for their safety and so as they can contact me in an emergency etc and so as I know they are safe. Its proved invaluable over and over. They can also see where we are, if they need us. If they dont like that, I'd stop paying for their phone.

I would have hated my parents to be able to monitor where I'd been at 18. Not that i ever did anything noteworthy, just the principle of privacy is so important.
Is it possible that your dh deletes the app, but once a week goes through the rating part with your dd, so that part can be discussed/reviewed, but she still has her privacy?

Why has the issue come up now?

I'd delete it. She has the app on her phone so you can ask to see her rating if you need to do so.

Surely you just need to have an agreement that if her insurance goes up you won't cover the increase?

We bought the car and also maybe we’re concerned about being able to check as she had a bump within a week of passing her test. I can see both sides to if I’m honest but she keeps pushing the I’m an adult issue but doesn’t see she can’t have it both ways when she’s happy for us to pay

She says it’s weird and controlling and won’t accept we’re not checking up on her all the time. Our view is pay your own insurance and we’ll delete it. What do you think?

She's right. It is weird and controlling. She's 18 not 10. Please don't go the our house our rules way on this, which is basically what you're doing,she will resent you both and it will fester.

Shes not going anywhere at the moment so why does it matter to her?

I am in the pay your own insurance camp.

Doesnt she tell you where she is anyway,?

Why would she? She's 18 and an adult.

I wouldn't be happy at another adult tracking me as an adult, it's intrusive and an invasion of privacy regardless of whether you're choosing to hide something or not.

Well where is she going that she potentially doesn’t want her mum and dad to see?