Not my knickers

[Butternutsqoosh]

Found some black lacy knickers in the wash this morning. Not mine, not my kids, was I being unreasonable to ask my husband whose they were? They were mixed up with his washing on the bedroom floor. He's now not talking to me because I "accused him of being unfaithful " I didn't, I asked him whose they were and why they were in his washing. It has transpired that my daughter put put them on the floor in our room because they were in her clean washing and weren't hers. He says I was being pissy but I wasn't, I was just asking whose they were and why they were there. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Too many assumptions here.

The real question is why does he feel the need to cross-dress.

😂 they wouldn't fit him either!!

Do you have a teenage/adult son?

How old is your DD and has she had friends to stay over in the last few months?

No teenage sons, DD had a friend over a couple of months ago but I have established they're not hers. I'm only really asking if I was unreasonable to ask him where they had come from, he says he doesn't know. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask? I'm sure it's an innocent explanation but he went mad that I'd even asked.

Are you 109% they are not yours or your daughters ( she might feel embarrassed if they are her lacy knickers)

Could they be from your daughters friends from a sleepover?

109% sure, she's a size 6 these are a 12 and not her friends either

Of course you're not unreasonable to ask.
His reaction was not a good one, but I can also see why he'd be very worried if he genuinely has no idea where they've come from.

YANBU

I'm also afraid that the likelihood of him not knowing where they've come from is slim. Sorry.

This whole thing is utterly weird.

Your daughter specifically put them on your bedroom floor because they’d got mixed up in her clean washing but she doesn’t know whose they are either?

Why did she put them on your bedroom floor?
How did they get in her clean washing in the first place?
How did they get in the HOUSE?
Whose are they?

I am so very perplexed by this entire scenario.

If he knows whose they are, it's not an innocent explanation (what would that be?)

The only innocent explanation is they are nothing to do with him (e.g. your DDs / friends / yours and you somehow forgot ? Black lace knickers all do look kind of similar)

Ask him how he would react if he found a nice pair of men's boxers in the wash if they were not his. Ask him if he would shrug and say ' I guess a distraction burglar probably popped them in the machine'

Laundry thieving cat?

If I found a rogue pair of knickers. I would assume they belonged to one of my dds or their friends or possibly ds had been entertaining when we have been out as he doesn't normally bring people home. It could be a friends from sleeping over ir it could be where your daughter has stayed at a friends and they accidentally got mixed up with her stuff when she packed her bag to come home. I wouldn't even think to question DH as he wouldn't have a clue who has what underwear.

Your daughter could have had them in a drawer for ages and not noticed them. Brought back from a sleepover by accident. A guest who stayed ages ago...

Read what op said, the knicker size is completely different from her dd's size.

I'd be worried about his go to defensive attitude. Speaks volumes.

How did you ask him?

I can't imagine not asking my husband if I'd already asked other the people in the house, and I'd imagine his response would be to crack a joke about them belonging to his fancy woman and then help me think through ways to solve the mystery. The only way he might react badly was if I'd thrown a strop and baselessly accuser him of having an affair.

How is your relationship in general? What was your tone like, could it have sounded like an accusation?

Tbh if you asked it as a normal question and he flew off the handle I would feel a bit anxious and suspicious about that.

Your dh's reaction is weird. All you did was ask, and he replied with a defensive attack?? Dodgy.

What age is your DS?

If the first place you saw them was mixed in with his stuff then the first logical and reasonable questions to him are “whose are these? How did they get here?” Tone, demeanour, body language, facial expressions, and suchlike will determine whether those questions are seen as genuine curiosity or as having undercurrents of accusation.

Only you know how you actually asked him.

I’d instantly find his reaction suspicious. Of bloody COURSE you’re going to ask whose lacy knickers are in his washing! To be instantly defensive and now annoyed would really make me think he knew exactly where they came from. Sorry.

Ps, it’s a totally classic but true cliche that the other woman will eventually ensure the wife finds out. Knickers, lipstick, anonymous text, whatever. Are there any other signs whatsoever that things aren’t as they should be? Does he keep his phone on him at all times? I’m so sorry you’re having to do this.

The real question is why does he feel the need to cross-dress

Yup.