Not my knickers

[Butternutsqoosh]

Found some black lacy knickers in the wash this morning. Not mine, not my kids, was I being unreasonable to ask my husband whose they were? They were mixed up with his washing on the bedroom floor. He's now not talking to me because I "accused him of being unfaithful " I didn't, I asked him whose they were and why they were in his washing. It has transpired that my daughter put put them on the floor in our room because they were in her clean washing and weren't hers. He says I was being pissy but I wasn't, I was just asking whose they were and why they were there. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Your DH is having an affair. The OW left them in his trousers and he's been caught and is trying to deflect. Hence going for a run and now the office. He will be frantically trying to contact her to ask what she's playing at. Check his phone, mails and messages tonight and if he's shitty you've got your answer!

Surely if it was with your DD clothes, it makes much more likely to have come from her. Why would he have another women knickers and then go to put it with your DD clothes? Might as well hide them or destroy them.

Also, I'm a size 10 but wear size 12, sometimes 14 knickers as I hate being restricted in them and my bum is proportionally quite large.

Check your attic for a squatter.

Part of my job is investigating fraud. We have been taught that someone who reacts to reasonable questions by attacking the questioner in this way is more likely to be guilty

This.

His behaviour was instantly on the offensive and immediately proceeded to the silent treatment, with outbursts of anger at you, and then he disappeared.

This is not normal in a healthy relationship.

I suspect he knows where they came from, but if he's hostile enough for long enough, he figures you won't pursue it.

You didn't say there are step daughters!

This is exactly how I found out about my ex-husband's infidelity. It's almost too cliche to believe, but trust your gut OP.

As Arthur Conan Doyle would say.....

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Perhaps dd has gathered up clothes in a changing room and accidentally taken them or have you bought any second hand furniture lately? I found a bra down the back of chest of drawers once

DH and I lived in a shared house when we were students and unmarried. I once found knickers under his bed and his reaction wasn't to sulk but to be utterly baffled. Weeks later, a sheepish housemate asked me if I'd found any black knickers anywhere as her Mum had stayed over for a weekend while we were visiting family and had lost a pair. Turned out she'd slept in dh's bed, unbeknownst to us. I knew there was a reasonable explanation as Dh's reaction was clear confusion with no defensive behaviour.

I had a laundry stealing cat once. His name was Wombat and he liked tights best. He used to pile it all up in the pantry and was v cross whenever we retrieved his stash and door knocked to find the owners. It was like some weird kitty induced walk of shame.

Ohhh we found a filthy bra once too. We worked out the mystery pretty quickly when Wombat the cat started lying under the radiator the same day and howling up at it/trying to stick her paw behind it. Turns out the previous owner liked to dry stuff on that radiator as down the back of it we found an equally filthy pair of boxer shorts, 3 socks, a gas bill and half a roll of wrapping paper.

Does anyone in the house go swimming? Could have been picked up in a changing room?

Have to say, this happened in my house once (a few years ago) and my dp was cheating, he was working away and the knickers got into my house via his suitcase. I didn’t question it as I didn’t think he would cheat, found out a few months later by checking his phone after his behaviour changed.

He’s making himself look increasingly more guilty by his behaviour after you found the knickers and dared to ask him about them

@crosspelican
I remember that!!
Was there ever an answer to it??

Now that you've mentioned that he has daughters who visit, I think the answer's fairly obvious.

And I suspect we'd have to have been there to know whether it was reasonable for him to think you were accusing him of anything. It would depend entirely on the words you used, your tone of voice, facial expression and body language. Just as it would if a male partner found a pair of boxers that weren't his and asked a female poster where they came from.

(oh, and when he comes back, simply say you were assuming they might belong to one of his daughters, and not accusing him at all)

Our mystery black pants were my MIL's. She'd done some laundry for us while we were visiting and they got into the pile she gave back to us. They took about 6 months to reappear from wherever they got bunged on our return home.

Much confusion ensued.

An old cat of mine used to steal items of clothing, small children's toys and meat cooked or raw.
He was a stunning black cat who could open doors, sadly he was run over.
I think your Dh over reacted big time to a simple question. I found some odd random socks and asked everyone in house who they belonged too. It wasn't an accusation (I'm sure if there was an OW she would have left something a bit more racey than 2 odd patterned socks!). Maybe my current cats are pinching things again?!

Good luck with getting to the bottom of it. We had a mysterious primark bjumper appear in our house. Size large, not sure if men's or women's. I was the one who found it in clean washing, dp of course laughed and said I must have been having an affair, I insisted it must have been his and he has forgotten he has one like that (unlikey tbf, he has very few clothes!). At one point I thought maybe it was a colleagues who left it in a bag of mine at a work exhibition and called him to say I had it but he insisted not his. I do remember him putting a coat or something in my bag while setting up so maybe he doesn't want to admit he has primark clothes (quite posh) or maybe it really isn't is. Either way, I use it for painting and lounging about in now.

I'm really sorry but I think the answer is the most obvious one, as it often is.

These are some other woman's knickers. Somehow they got mixed up with his stuff, maybe he'd put them in his jeans pocket, or rolled them up in a T shirt or something, forgotten about them and they ended up in 'his' wash pile.

How do you sort out your washing?
Does he have his own laundry basket? Or does he throw it into a family one?
Who picks up the dirty laundry? You?
Who puts the clean laundry back upstairs?

I am sorry but think you need to work on the theory until proved otherwise that someone he was with left them behind somewhere, and he pocketed them. And slipped up.

His reaction seems very dramatic.

Agree with Sissy upthread - it depends on your tone when you asked. I think I'd just have asked when DP took up cross-dressing.

That said, I wouldn't have asked at all. If I enquired as to the origins of half the stuff in my house, I'd never stop enquiring. Bras, knickers, socks, odd shoes, t shirts, rucksacks, other people's PE kits, etc, etc, etc. The list is endless. I just occasionally wonder how TF these random things got here, and where our stuff has ended up. If anything looks as if it might fit anyone, I repatriate it to their bedrooms. If generic (gloves etc), it goes in with the muddle. I occasionally ask, and get a collective shrug. That stuff goes to the charity shop.

My cat dragged a huge wood pigeon over an 8ft fence and in through the window. It wasn't wearing knickers.

My cat once went from apparently asleep on a garden chair to launching himself into the air, sailing skywards and bringing down a pigeon mid flight. Like some star goalkeeper. It was astounding!

I found a skimpy pair in my washer, turns out the cleaner was washing her clothes at my house. oh it caused some right trouble.

hypothesis - windy day recently or in past - washing flew over fence & got picked up (by whoever was bringing the washing in & got stuck in airing cupboard - actually wasn't that a thing on a another thread where they found knickers from past owner in the airing cupboard. Have you had any relatives staying or stayed anywhere yourself & accidently picked them up? Could be quite a long time if they have been placed in someone's drawer or at the bottom of washing pile (which only recently reached because its winter.)