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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not my knickers

187 replies

Butternutsqoosh · 09/04/2020 10:29

Found some black lacy knickers in the wash this morning. Not mine, not my kids, was I being unreasonable to ask my husband whose they were? They were mixed up with his washing on the bedroom floor. He's now not talking to me because I "accused him of being unfaithful " I didn't, I asked him whose they were and why they were in his washing. It has transpired that my daughter put put them on the floor in our room because they were in her clean washing and weren't hers. He says I was being pissy but I wasn't, I was just asking whose they were and why they were there. 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Fluffybutter · 09/04/2020 12:13

@BovaryX one of my cats got into a birthday cake box and we didn’t notice until we saw the lick marks in the icing

BovaryX · 09/04/2020 12:13

Depends on your tone when asking really

Grin Grin

Bomdigi · 09/04/2020 12:14

I your husband did have another woman in the house and she arrived wearing knickers you can be pretty certain that she would have put them back on to get dressed before she left.

There’s a variety of possible explanations. Is your son at the age where he’s interested in girls and possibly got them from somewhere and is embarrassed to admit that they were in his possession? Has your daughter had any other friends over and has forgotten or not told you?

izzywizzygood · 09/04/2020 12:16

Hopefully they were from a stayover and your daughter had only just found them.
But... they are on the list of things that a man's new lover is most likely to leave for wifey to discover:
Black lace knickers
Hair
Perfume on the bed
Make up on bedding
Hair comb
A tampon
Suspender belt.

Pastaforall · 09/04/2020 12:19

This happened in my house growing up! A pair of knickers size 14 (me and my mum were both 10s). She put them in my pile and I put them back in hers repeatedly until we both realised. It turns out they were my step dads.... he confessed to wearing them.

ChrissieKeller61 · 09/04/2020 12:19

@Bomdigi Oh no she wouldn't, other women don't generally like being the other women they are usually hoping to move up the ranks and stuffing their knickers somewhere to be found is not a huge surprise.
My ex husband had a bottle of massage oil in his over night bag - a full sized one - with a bit missing. Apparently hotels give those out now when you stay over and he'd given himself a massge with it ... Hmm

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 09/04/2020 12:19

If you find a pair of knickers that don’t belong to you or anyone else in the house.
You’ve established that they can’t be your DDs or her friends. Well of course you’re going to be paranoid.
My conclusion is. He’s carrying on or he’s a cross dresser.

borntobequiet · 09/04/2020 12:22

My cat once brought me a baby rabbit, completely unharmed. It hid behind the toilet in the bathroom while she sat there looking confused but proud.

YouAreTheEggManIAmTheWalrus · 09/04/2020 12:24

His reaction is v unreasonable. He accused you of accusing him which you say you didn’t. And now you feel bad (which is his intention here clearly) but you haven’t done anything wrong.

Imagine for a second how someone innocent would respond. They’d probable have a laugh about it and seem as perplexed as you. He’s gone on the defensive for a reason. I’d be letting it go but watching like a hawk from herein.

CustardySergeant · 09/04/2020 12:26

Bomdigi "Is your son at the age where he’s interested in girls and possibly got them from somewhere and is embarrassed to admit that they were in his possession?"

He's 9!

VettiyaIruken · 09/04/2020 12:28

Hard to say isn't it?
It could be anything from they could have been hanging around for God knows how long, to, your daughter knows something and is trying to let you know.
If there is absolutely nothing else that has ever given you reason to suspect I'd be inclined to put it to one side for now but I'm not sure it's easy to completely get out of your thoughts.

bluebeck · 09/04/2020 12:30

I feel guilty for asking him and putting him in a bad mood, but I was only bloody asking

Do you generally walk on eggshells around him? It's telling that he fucked off out "on a run" and has now gone to work. He sounds more dodgy with each post to be honest Sad

Does he have form?
Mentionitis?
Superglued to mobile?
Sudden interest in improving appearance?

FizzyGreenWater · 09/04/2020 12:31

He's such a grumpy sulker.

Don't apologise.

Just ignore him.

Seriously, you find a pair of random unknown woman's knickers in HIS dirty washing and it's totally unreasonable of you to ask where on earth they came from?

It's a bloody normal question!

You don't even need to be thinking about any unfaithfulness - it's just a normal fucking question! 'WTF are these doing here?'

Don't apologise. He's a dick by the sound of it.

FizzyGreenWater · 09/04/2020 12:32

LOL at suspender belt... does she unhook it and drape it over the couch before she hops back into her time machine and sets the dial for 1982?

Pickles89 · 09/04/2020 12:33

@maa1992

Awwww! I want to give you both a hug! So glad it was all cleared up.

OP, I don't know, but it does sound suspicious. I don't really get him being angry unless it's the classic 'turning it round on you' reaction to cover his guilt. I would have thought confusion and laughing at the bizarreness of it all would make more sense, but then I guess nobody knows how they'd react in this situ and it's not nice to feel accused. Any reason to feel suspicious of him in general?

Balmytissues · 09/04/2020 12:35

Can we see a pic of the offending item? Then we can judge better whether they're 'affair' knickers or not. Wink

BovaryX · 09/04/2020 12:37

@BovaryX one of my cats got into a birthday cake box and we didn’t notice until we saw the lick marks in the icing

@Fluffybutter
That's excellent! Ha, these cat burglars have made me laugh...

Balmytissues · 09/04/2020 12:39

I used to have a Jack Russel terrier who had a penchant for dirty knickers.

Northernwarrior · 09/04/2020 12:41

His reaction to this is a red flag for me. The Knickers in the washing could have a variety of innocent explanations. You asking him and his instant defensive attitude and not speaking to you. Going to work without saying anything. It doesn’t mean he is guilty. It is just this is the reaction you would expect from someone who is guilty.

YouAreTheEggManIAmTheWalrus · 09/04/2020 12:43

Is he a size 12??

Winterwoollies · 09/04/2020 12:43

It does sound really shady. Sorry. His defensive attitude makes it more so.

If I found rogue undercrackers and asked my husband, he’d just say he had no idea and laugh, probably. He wouldn’t get defensive, take it as an accusation of infidelity and storm out. Because that would make him look guilty of infidelity...

KittyKattyKate · 09/04/2020 12:43

“now I feel like I have to apologise”

.....which is how he has manipulated you into feeling.

RedRedScab · 09/04/2020 12:47

Some men buy used knickers online.

AwrightDoreenTakeAFuckinDayOff · 09/04/2020 12:49

I would not be apologising for his reaction.

GoldenFlaps · 09/04/2020 12:51

His reaction tells you everything you need to know. Been there Sad

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