Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my dd's teacher is OK in having an affair with one of the class parents

251 replies

tilbatilba · 05/09/2007 09:39

We have been travelling for a few months and have just returned to our very quiet little town to discover the grade 4 teacher, Ms X, is having an affair with the mother of one of the children in the class.
It is now a very public affair. The female teacher wants to remain in her job. The mother of 4 that is in the relationship is OK about everything. The father of the 4 children is furious and legal action is pending.
What would you do? The child in the Gr 4 class is well aware of everything and the family is in a mess.
My dd is due to join this class very soon. The betrayal of trust is beyond belief. My dd has been at the school for 4 yrs and very happy.
The issue is ...my trust of the gr 4 teacher is shattered. The unions are suppporting her and she intends to stay....she is very cold and hard....I think I should be looking for a different school
xx

OP posts:
heifer · 05/09/2007 14:48

crickey MNHQ you don't hang around do you!..

Original poster
tilbatilba · 05/09/2007 17:54

Thanks for all your responses. To clarify a few points...the mother of the 4 children is married. The teacher is a single mother with a child at the same school. The husband suspected his wife was having an affair over a period of several months and a private detective confirmed this....it just happened to be a gay relationship with their childs teacher.

The teacher was suspended by the school for a week last term and this term has had a lot of time off with stress leave.
I don't have an issue with the teacher having a gay relationship. My issue is that she has put one of her 10yr old students in a really awful situation and I guess that's what I meant about betraying trust.
Maybe I didn't choose the right words, I am just feeling so sad for the 4 children who are in a very miserable place right now.

As it is a primary school she will be my daughters main teacher. She has a reputation as a good teacher but I guess I just can't get past the distress she has caused the children.

tilba

OP posts:
belgo · 05/09/2007 18:07

I would also have a problem with a teacher who has an affair with a married parent of one of her schoolchildren.

belgo · 05/09/2007 18:09

But I'm not sure what I would do about it. I probably wouldn't do anything.

FrannyandZooey · 05/09/2007 18:19

I used to wear dungarees.

LoveAngel · 05/09/2007 18:22

I just don't think people should be busy bodies about this sort of thing. There's nothing you can do, short of starting some sort of witch hunt. OK, so you feel for the kids. But really - its none of your business. Just chill and concentrate on your own family. I'm sure the whole family and all involved are feeling shitty enough as it is.

Original poster
tilbatilba · 05/09/2007 18:25

....a couple of other things....the school is in Australia...hence confusion with terms.I just can't see much point of dd having long days with someone I don't like particularly(previous issue) and now don't respect.

OP posts:
Rantmum · 05/09/2007 18:32

Haven't read all posts, just offering up an opinion.

  1. I do not think that I would have an issue with the teacher's (or the mother's) sexuality.

  2. I would have an issue with any teacher that had an affair with the married parent (male or female) of a child in her class. Discretion is not good enough.

If there was an attraction there, it should not have been acted upon - not whilst she was teaching the children whose family she was partly responsible for breaking up.

Simple really. Her job as a teacher is to have the best interests of her students at heart when she makes decisions that directly affect them. My opinion.

bubblagirl · 05/09/2007 18:38

what she does in her personal life will not affect her ability to teach only other peoples views will affect how she is treated and this could affect how she teaches if it is a small town then people always seem to take it personally when something arye goes on but these two grown adults both willingly got into a reltionship and should be left to them and others closely involved to deal with it, it should not be the concer of the village as how will there relationship affect teaching she didn't decieve any of you or the children her partner decieved her husband just leave them be to deal with it and concentrate on your own lives something else will come up soon and that will be the focus always the way in close nit communities

zippitippitoes · 05/09/2007 18:41

ah australia it's the hot weather then

Original poster
tilbatilba · 05/09/2007 18:41

I agree Loveangel I should just chill and to a degree I accept it is none of my business. BUT.....a teacher is a huge part of family life here. Our teachers regularly visit our homes and are very much concerned with the "whole child" and the nurturing of that child.
Because of my dd's ages I will have the same teacher 2 yrs in a row....I can teach my children what they need to know academically, I send them to school for so much more, one being inspirational teachers/adults.
We moved internationally for this special school and for the very strong community.
So maybe a bit OTT reaction but that's how I feel.

OP posts:
Original poster
tilbatilba · 05/09/2007 18:45

Rantmum, it's 0345 here....you have put what I am trying to say very simply...thank you!
Off to bed....

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 05/09/2007 18:46

you moved to the other side of the world to go to this school

seeker · 05/09/2007 18:51

I remember the summer before dd started school I went to a party and her reception teacher was there smoking dope. I was horrified at how shocked and upset I was - but I told myself it was none of my business. She was - and is - a wonderful teacher - but I couldn't convince myself to feel the same about her, however hard I tried. But I know that I was being ureasonable - I just couldn't help myself.

Peachy · 05/09/2007 18:56

I do think its unprofessional and unwise of the teacher, and feel sorry ofr the family involved. Shouldn't go beyond thatr eally EXCEPT living in a small vilalge I know damn well that it won't go away, that tehy'll still be discussing it in twenty years time. In fact my biggest concern would be just that; a prolonged outbreak of Outraged of Tunbridge Wells. that can be very nasty

LWandLottie · 05/09/2007 19:04

Sorry but YABU. What this woman gets up to in her personal life does not concern anybody but her and the involved party. I'm sure they didn't mean for it to become public knowledge and probably feel highly embarrassed about it becoming that way, but it's their lives to do with how they want. I'm not saying that having an affair is an acceptable thing to do, but the implication that she should know better because she is a school teacher is rather ridiculous.

School teachers make mistakes just like everybody else. They have lives, they live them. If this woman chooses to have an affair then that is up to her. Just because she is a school teacher shouldn't refelct upon the sitaution. Her job is to educate, as long as she is doing that then she's doing her job. Unless she's getting jiggy with her bit on the side in the classroom, I really don't see the problem.

Blandmum · 05/09/2007 19:11

is this woman teaching sexual morality to year 4?

If not, then however daft her private life, and however poor her judgement , it is simply none of your buisness.

TellusMater · 05/09/2007 19:14

What would happen in the UK if a teacher had an affair with the parent of a child he/she was teaching? WOuld it be gross misconduct? Has never come up in any of the schools I've worked in....

Blandmum · 05/09/2007 19:17

Nor me.

Why would it?

If the people involved were of age, and compitent to give consent, what impact would it have over and above teaching your own child?

I don't think that doing such a thing would make them a nice person, and I may well doubt their personal morals, but how would it impact on their teaching?

Unless they are assessing the child of the affairee is there a conflict of interest? Is there an impact on their teaching?

cupcakes · 05/09/2007 19:30

haven't read the whole thread but...

when I was at primary school one of the teachers dated (quite legitimately) the single father of one of the boys in my class. He broke up with her and afterwards she would question the boy about his father (did he mention her, was he seeing anyone else etc). Horrible for the boy and hugely unprofessional of her.

turquoise · 05/09/2007 19:31

YABU.

One of our teachers was sacked at the end of last year for extra curricular shagging, and there's at least one other teacher/teacher affair going on, it's a Jilly Cooperesque hotbed of lust.

Talking of dungarees/Dexy's - does anyone remember when TOTP put pictures of Jocky Wilson behind them instead of Jackie? Still makes me larf.

Nightynight · 05/09/2007 19:35

If one teacher is the only problem, the I wouldnt move schools, because the problem will presumably onlz last a year.

belgo · 05/09/2007 19:35

I suppose I have the old fashioned view that teachers should be respected members of the community. Having an affair with the married parent of one of your pupils doesn't fit in with this view, especially because of the effect it would have on the pupils concerned.

Blandmum · 05/09/2007 19:39

do the year 4;'s talk about this?

i rather doubt it

Neverenoughhandbags · 05/09/2007 19:57

YANBU to consider how you might feel about having someone teach your child who has done something that you find morally questionable(the affair with a parent of a child she is teaching)
However YABU to judge her teaching based on the conduct of her private life.
Teachers are unique in that they ,more than any other professional, have a huge influence on our children.
I think everyone involved in the situation needs sympathy and especially the innocent parties-the kids.

Swipe left for the next trending thread