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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my dd's teacher is OK in having an affair with one of the class parents

251 replies

tilbatilba · 05/09/2007 09:39

We have been travelling for a few months and have just returned to our very quiet little town to discover the grade 4 teacher, Ms X, is having an affair with the mother of one of the children in the class.
It is now a very public affair. The female teacher wants to remain in her job. The mother of 4 that is in the relationship is OK about everything. The father of the 4 children is furious and legal action is pending.
What would you do? The child in the Gr 4 class is well aware of everything and the family is in a mess.
My dd is due to join this class very soon. The betrayal of trust is beyond belief. My dd has been at the school for 4 yrs and very happy.
The issue is ...my trust of the gr 4 teacher is shattered. The unions are suppporting her and she intends to stay....she is very cold and hard....I think I should be looking for a different school
xx

OP posts:
Hurlyburly · 05/09/2007 11:18

Were Dexy's Midnight Runners all lesbians then?

Hulababy · 05/09/2007 11:18

zippitippitoes - me too. Was a teacher and have worn dungarees in the past (last 80s I believe) - never mixed them both though.

DrNortherner · 05/09/2007 11:19

Oh I had a pair of cut off dungaress that I had coveted for months when I was a teeenager. I thought I was the bees knees, I only did 1 strap up too and just let the other hang down with a crop top under neath exposing my mid driff. Wore them with my caterpillar boots which I never laced up.

Height of cool I wss.

LoveAngel · 05/09/2007 11:19

WTF has it got to do with anyone who she chooses to sleep with? My God, how very small minded of people to give a toss. What code of conduct has she breached? What law has she broken? And are the family in turmoil because their mum is having a relationship, or because of small minded small town gossip? get a life.

(p.s. I taught for a while and all the teachers were shagging each other...)

LoveAngel · 05/09/2007 11:20

p.s. DrNortherner - I worked that look, too. :-)

zippitippitoes · 05/09/2007 11:21

in my brief teaching career teachers were teaching with the most incredible hangovers.well probably still drunk from the night before tbh .which is porbably worse

EricL · 05/09/2007 11:22

I don't think this teacher should have had such a messy public affair with someone connected to her school - but sometimes these things happen and there it is.

It really has no relevance to your child. Her private life is her own and she can see whoever she wants.

contentiouscat · 05/09/2007 11:23

I dont think the mention of Dexys was in relation to their sexuality, just dungarees as a fashion statement, they were rather popular in the 80s I suspect I may have worn them at sometime but was wisely never photographed in them! Someone already mentioned Bananarama too - I seem to remember thinking they were terribly trendy!

LaCod · 05/09/2007 11:23

contentious
there were many
not one dad was nice who "offered"

Hurlyburly · 05/09/2007 11:24

There is an interesting question though -

If a teacher shags a pupil - we all agree that is totally unacceptable - even if the pupil is 18 and has probably been sexually active for years

Where are the boundaries though when teachers shag:

(a) Ex pupils
(b) Parents

Why is there no code of teacherly conduct?

Hurlyburly · 05/09/2007 11:25

CC - was (admittedly feeble) joke. Most of Dexys were male from memory and therefore not capable of being lesbian ...

zippitippitoes · 05/09/2007 11:26

it is vulnerability and taking advantage of your position..a parent isn't vulnerable

but it isn't a brilliant idea by all accounts as everyone will gossip and the kids will be miserable

though just having a parent who is a teacher makes quite a lot of kids miserable

LaCod · 05/09/2007 11:27

we haev a cod of conduct
doesnt cover shaggin tho

LaCod · 05/09/2007 11:27

lol

code

LaCod · 05/09/2007 11:27

altho i di d write it

Hurlyburly · 05/09/2007 11:28

God are teachers not allowed to shag at all? Anyone?

Hulababy · 05/09/2007 11:28

tilbatilba - you there still??? Is it an affair or simply a relationship with one party of a seperated couple? I think there is a big difference here regards morailty and professional conduct in the two scenarios.

zippitippitoes · 05/09/2007 11:29

apparently not..as we are just about all ex pupils

Hulababy · 05/09/2007 11:29

My code of conduct does cover relationships - not only with my clients, but with their families. I have to declare all relationships that come under this categoriy, sexual or otherwise, and have them vetted!

zippitippitoes · 05/09/2007 11:30

but those adults are considered vulnerable aren't they

contentiouscat · 05/09/2007 11:30

I know for a fact that the playgroup assistants at my son's pre-school rush to answer the door at the end of the session if a "nice" Dad is waiting but im sure they are just joking.

I think the thing is the day of the unmarried spinster school marm has gone but really I would still like to think that my child's teacher is intelligent enough not to get involved in a situation like this.

I do suspect this whole thing has been a wind up

I never wore my dungarees with only one strap done up, would have been too worried they would fall down. I did also wear those lurid legging shorts with boots in the late 80's (what was I thinking)

zippitippitoes · 05/09/2007 11:31

what about nurses?

Hurlyburly · 05/09/2007 11:33

well unless you were pretty seriously ill you wouldn't be under the care of a nurse for a particularly long time ...

contentiouscat · 05/09/2007 11:35

Hulababy Dexys didnt exactly change the face of modern music so if you were a young'un you may not have heard of them

I dont think you are exactly ruling out too many people to expect a teacher not to shag married parents or underage pupils, it does leave them the MAJORITY of the population. The sexuality of the teacher is completely irrelevant although I am sure historically that would not have been the case.

Hulababy · 05/09/2007 11:36

Professional Conduct for registered teachers

Nothing on who they can have a sexual relationship with though.