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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my dd's teacher is OK in having an affair with one of the class parents

251 replies

tilbatilba · 05/09/2007 09:39

We have been travelling for a few months and have just returned to our very quiet little town to discover the grade 4 teacher, Ms X, is having an affair with the mother of one of the children in the class.
It is now a very public affair. The female teacher wants to remain in her job. The mother of 4 that is in the relationship is OK about everything. The father of the 4 children is furious and legal action is pending.
What would you do? The child in the Gr 4 class is well aware of everything and the family is in a mess.
My dd is due to join this class very soon. The betrayal of trust is beyond belief. My dd has been at the school for 4 yrs and very happy.
The issue is ...my trust of the gr 4 teacher is shattered. The unions are suppporting her and she intends to stay....she is very cold and hard....I think I should be looking for a different school
xx

OP posts:
LaCod · 05/09/2007 10:39

seriously

contentiouscat · 05/09/2007 10:39

I agree with snowleopard completely - this is hideously unprofessional.

If the female teacher was having a relationship with a single mother then personally I couldnt give a damn but you would expect your childs teacher not to cross the line of having an affair with a married parent.

I cannot imagine her child is ecstatic about the situation it therefore will have an effect educationally - im sure if this had been a male teacher female parent then disciplinary action would be taken.

contentiouscat · 05/09/2007 10:40

COD - LOL at dungarees!

lou33 · 05/09/2007 10:40

i cant imagine that i would want to teach at the school , if i was the teacher concerned, what with all the bad feeling that seems to be going about

buti still dont think it means she is a crap teacher

KerryMum · 05/09/2007 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flowerybeanbag · 05/09/2007 10:41

is it an 'affair' rather than a relationship because the mother was together with her DH/DP at the time?
I'd say it's not particularly good but difficult to see how it's anyone's business and what 'legal action' could the father take?

lou33 · 05/09/2007 10:43

it's all so different to when i was at school

one of my teachers had been there for donkeys years, despite getting one of the pupils knocked up

they did end up marrying, but he was a dirty old man, always getting way too close to the female pupils and trying to catch a peep up skirts as they went up stairs

LaCod · 05/09/2007 10:44

yes and mr baldwin loved one of our pupils
they mobed intogether

BUT he did wear stacked shoesnd shirtsw iwht little repeat pictures on them

Elffriend · 05/09/2007 10:44

There is nothing to suggest that the school is NOT taking any action. The fact that the unions are apparently supporting the teacher suggests that action is being taken or at least considered. I did not think that was the question. The question posed was whether the OP was being unreasonable in taking her DD away from a school in which she had been happy for 4 years. Yep, I think so. I'm not supporting the affair, I just think the OP is being unduly melodramatic.

LaCod · 05/09/2007 10:44

oh god ELfy do we haev to adreess the OP
shit

Anna8888 · 05/09/2007 10:44

If people want to have extra-marital affairs (straight or gay) they should conduct them with discretion and in private. In those circumstances the sex lives of adults are their business and their business alone.

Teachers should set an example of decent behaviour to their pupils. In this case, since the affair has become public knowledge, it is only appropriate that the teacher be asked to leave her job since she is setting a very poor example.

Hurlyburly · 05/09/2007 10:45

Okay. I agree there is an issue over behaviour and relationships within the school. That's for the governors to deal with.

But all this angsting over a teacher's behaviour when it absolutely does not affect the OP or her child IS unreasonable.

Looking for a different school? FGS.

I say again. What utter nonsense.

lou33 · 05/09/2007 10:45

yeh but this guy was creepy, i failed to see what anyone saw in him

i have never had anyone remotely attractive either teaching myself or my kids

LaCod · 05/09/2007 10:46

so was mr baldwin
a dn claire bovey

lou33 · 05/09/2007 10:46

i read notes on a scandal the other day, talking of affairs at school

lou33 · 05/09/2007 10:47

mine was a physics teacher, and we had to sit on these tall but slender stools

without fail if a girl needed help he would insist on sitting on the stool with her, and if you tried to make sure there was no room, he would shove your bum over!

zippitippitoes · 05/09/2007 10:47

if everyone who had an affair was hounded out of a job the economy would be shot..

Anna8888 · 05/09/2007 10:48

Hurlyburly - I think that there is a case for arguing that the behaviour of the teacher does affect the child. An adult in a position of authority over a child should behave with propriety if he/she wishes to be respected by that child, and it is important that teachers be respected in order for children to listen and learn.

lou33 · 05/09/2007 10:48

there would be a lot less politicians too

zippitippitoes · 05/09/2007 10:48

it's the adult reactions that dictate what children pick up...no fuss no issue except for those concerned

flowerybeanbag · 05/09/2007 10:49

Oh and yes looking for a different school is being a bit melodramatic and unfair on the DD if she is happy at the school.

heifer · 05/09/2007 10:49

I certainly wouldn't take my DD out of the school at this point - I would wait and see the outcome..

actually not sure I would take her out anyway if I was happy with everything else at the school and she was happy..

But I wouldn't want her to teach my DD...

I don't think it is ok for people to have affairs as long as they are discret - I don't think it is ok to have affairs full stop....

Finish one relationship first before embarking on another...

I am sure I am a boring old prude but hey - that is how I feel...

Elffriend · 05/09/2007 10:50

Nah, don't have to address the OP really , particularly since they seem to have b*ggered off - strange that - probably gone travelling for a few more months. If not throught, the thread could end up anywhere...none of my teachers were ever shagable (of either gender) so I'm only jealous

zippitippitoes · 05/09/2007 10:50

this is the sort of gossipy info that i never seem to hear...thankfully then you don't have to ponder rather pointlessly what it has to do with you..nothing

3littlefrogs · 05/09/2007 10:52

A similar situation happened at Ds's school several years ago. It was very upsetting and disruptive to all the children. The staff divided into camps, the parents divided into camps, and it was awful for the children of the mother involved - the father (now ex husband) was distraught and kept bursting into tears at the school gates. Awful.