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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be confused about what the bride wants?

235 replies

Despolime · 29/01/2020 18:56

My friend lives abroad. Another friend and I are two of her bridesmaids. We are travelling to where she's getting married for the wedding in summer. We're staying in a room in the wedding venue Friday - Sunday, which is the time we're abroad. Another 8 guests plus the bride are staying overnight both days too.

Everything was sorted.

Then yesterday, the bride gets in touch to check friend & I definitely want to stay at the venue on the Friday. The wedding is on the Saturday. We said of course. She said that there is no bar or restaurant, only what we take. Fine, we said, we'll pick some things up to take with us. She kept asking if we were sure, and that it's no problem but there's not much about. We double checked again that she'd be there too, and she said yes. She said she was worried we'd be bored if we stayed there.

AIBU to be confused? We're only going to see her get married. Why would we want to stay elsewhere? Am I missing something?

OP posts:
Batqueen · 29/01/2020 19:00

Maybe the night before she would prefer to be with just her family but doesn’t know how to tell you?

Original poster
Despolime · 29/01/2020 19:03

Maybe the night before she would prefer to be with just her family but doesn’t know how to tell you?

She only has her mother and cousin, family wise. And in all honesty if that is the case I would find it exceptionally rude given that we're travelling abroad purely to attend this wedding.

OP posts:
HoneysuckIejasmine · 29/01/2020 19:07

Yeah sounds like she doesn't want you there that night.

AhoyMrBeaver · 29/01/2020 19:09

Perhaps she's worried you'll be expecting her to have organised a bit of a do for the Friday evening, which would be pretty standard for a gathering of friends and family. All you can do is reassure her that you're happy with a quiet night of self-catering.

Fedupwithmyhouse · 29/01/2020 19:09

I think she just sounds worried you’ll hate the place you’re staying.

FraglesRock · 29/01/2020 19:10

Could she need the room for another family member

Urkiddingright · 29/01/2020 19:10

She sounds anxious and worried for some reason. Maybe she thinks you’ll hate it there.

Butterymuffin · 29/01/2020 19:11

It does sound like she doesn't want you there. You can either just ignore, or ask her to be truthful, is that what she wants and is there a reason she's said this?
I would probably be inclined not to go if I was told I wasn't wanted in the hotel the night before. Why travel a long way and then also have to change hotels part way through the stay? No thanks, if I'm that inconvenient I'll just stay away.

MiniCooperLover · 29/01/2020 19:12

She hasn't booked enough rooms and she needs to bump you two elsewhere

Original poster
Despolime · 29/01/2020 19:12

Yeah sounds like she doesn't want you there that night.

Yeah, that's what it feels like... but then why ask us to be bridesmaids and invite us to stay in the accommodation? I am baffled.

Perhaps she's worried you'll be expecting her to have organised a bit of a do for the Friday evening, which would be pretty standard for a gathering of friends and family. All you can do is reassure her that you're happy with a quiet night of self-catering.

Yes, this might be true, because she kept saying she was worried we'd be bored. There will only be 11 or so people there so we weren't expecting any great party.

OP posts:
StillCoughingandLaughing · 29/01/2020 19:13

I think she has double-booked and needs the room. She’s trying to make you decide to move instead of asking you outright.

CoffeeCoinneseur · 29/01/2020 19:13

What? No bar or restaurant? Is it a villa? Surely there’ll be somewhere nearby to buy food and drinks?

Weird. And a bit rude that she’s not at least attempting to sort out some kind of catering.

WorraLiberty · 29/01/2020 19:13

Maybe she wants the room for someone else?

Catworrier · 29/01/2020 19:14

I'd personally be stressed about entertaining people when visiting and I wanted to either chill or also entertain family. Although I wouldn't not want my friends to stay in the same place, but I'd want to make sure they had facilities and entertainment, especially at the expense of them paying for travel

Original poster
Despolime · 29/01/2020 19:15

Could she need the room for another family member

She hasn't booked enough rooms and she needs to bump you two elsewhere

If it was this, I'd imagine she'd bump another friend before two of her bridesmaids.

She sounds anxious and worried for some reason. Maybe she thinks you’ll hate it there.

She does get quite anxious actually and worries about what people will think. Maybe it's this.

OP posts:
KarmaStar · 29/01/2020 19:15

Also think she wants the room for someone else

JonSlow · 29/01/2020 19:18

And in all honesty if that is the case I would find it exceptionally rude given that we're travelling abroad purely to attend this wedding.

And this is why she is trying to drop hints. She wants the night before for just her family. You are making it all a big drama, where you feel entitled to be part of the night before, because you are flying out.

How about being a good friend, and realising that this is (hopefully) a once in a lifetime thing for the bride. If she doesn’t want you there, don’t be there the night before. It’s hardly the end of the world for you. You are still bridesmaid on the day.

Original poster
Despolime · 29/01/2020 19:19

What? No bar or restaurant? Is it a villa? Surely there’ll be somewhere nearby to buy food and drinks?

It's a big old manor, I would say. The decorating, catering etc is being done by the couple.

Weird. And a bit rude that she’s not at least attempting to sort out some kind of catering.

I would have picked up some sandwiches and wine if I was her, to be honest. I do think it's strange to expect friends who are flying in and catching a train then taxi to also find a shop. But never mind.

OP posts:
Original poster
Despolime · 29/01/2020 19:22

She wants the night before for just her family. You are making it all a big drama, where you feel entitled to be part of the night before, because you are flying out.

She only had her mother and cousin, family wise.

How about being a good friend, and realising that this is (hopefully) a once in a lifetime thing for the bride. If she doesn’t want you there, don’t be there the night before. It’s hardly the end of the world for you. You are still bridesmaid on the day.

I'm spending hundreds of pounds flying somewhere to see her get married. I'd say that was being a good friend.

I'm not flying and getting the train the taxi to one rural venue, then the next morning getting a taxi to another venue with my luggage then getting ready to be a bridesmaid. It's bloody stupid.

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 29/01/2020 19:22

It is a weird one. Maybe she thinks someone should organise getting food in for her?

I had a similar thing recently and one BM brought some food, and the father of the bride sorted pizzas. It was nice.

Original poster
Despolime · 29/01/2020 19:24

It is a weird one. Maybe she thinks someone should organise getting food in for her?

Maybe, but she knows it can't be us. We won't arrive at the venue until the Friday very late afternoon/early evening.

OP posts:
JonSlow · 29/01/2020 19:28

I'm not flying and getting the train the taxi to one rural venue, then the next morning getting a taxi to another venue with my luggage then getting ready to be a bridesmaid. It's bloody stupid.

Ahha - so no compromise from you then. Has to be your way. Says a hell of a lot about you. You’ll be her bridesmaid when it’s convenient and on your terms. No wonder she is struggling to tell you straight. You’d rip her to pieces.

Grandadwasthatyou · 29/01/2020 19:29

I think I know where she's coming from.
Attended a friend's wedding abroad last year and although the venue was beautiful it was in the middle of nowhere and you would have had to travel miles to get food and drink as outside caterers were providing for the wedding so nothing actually on site.

Friend was worried that we would be bored and hungry but we hired a car and explored the area before the actual wedding day.

combatbarbie · 29/01/2020 19:29

Well I don't think she's dropping hints, I think she's genuinely concerned that yous will be bored/hungry whatever or that yous will expect a piss up and she wants an early night.

Harakeke · 29/01/2020 19:29

It’s a bit odd. Can you email the manor hosts and ask them to arrange some food etc?

If my friend was spending £££ coming to my wedding I’d at least put out a few nibbles for after their journey.

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