Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 8 9 10

Original poster

To be confused about what the bride wants?

235 replies

Despolime · 29/01/2020 18:56

My friend lives abroad. Another friend and I are two of her bridesmaids. We are travelling to where she's getting married for the wedding in summer. We're staying in a room in the wedding venue Friday - Sunday, which is the time we're abroad. Another 8 guests plus the bride are staying overnight both days too.

Everything was sorted.

Then yesterday, the bride gets in touch to check friend & I definitely want to stay at the venue on the Friday. The wedding is on the Saturday. We said of course. She said that there is no bar or restaurant, only what we take. Fine, we said, we'll pick some things up to take with us. She kept asking if we were sure, and that it's no problem but there's not much about. We double checked again that she'd be there too, and she said yes. She said she was worried we'd be bored if we stayed there.

AIBU to be confused? We're only going to see her get married. Why would we want to stay elsewhere? Am I missing something?

OP posts:

HelloYouTwo · 01/02/2020 17:47

Can you not just ask her what’s happening about food for Friday evening and Sat morning?

“Hey bride, we’re really looking forward to spending the Friday night with you, it will be lovely to have that time together. But we arrive late after lots of travelling, can you let me know what the plan is for food on Friday night and for Saturday breakfast? I’m not sure we can buy food on our way given we’ve got a lot of changes for trains and then a taxi. Can you get something in and we’ll share the cost?”

FiremanSlam · 01/02/2020 17:59

The fact that the bride and groom live so close to the venue and could easily bring a bag of food and drink with them to the venue makes this whole thing even more astounding.

mummmy2017 · 01/02/2020 18:07

If people are really not capable of feeding themselves when given a warning about lack of food, should they have ever been allowed to leave mummy and daddy.
This is a bride and groom people expect the day before a wedding to provide stuff.
No just no.
How can people not see OP will be able to eat at home, the airport, at train stations, all that is needed is snacks for the night and some wine.
Maybe some fruit so not starving before the wedding meal.

katzenellenbogen · 01/02/2020 18:27

all that is needed is snacks for the night and some wine......Maybe some fruit

Just where do you suggest the OP gets hold of this. Have you seen how much a bottle of wine costs in duty free? The venue is in the middle of nowhere, the bride clearly isn't taking any responsibility for getting any food in. The will have been travelling all day. German airport food can be pretty grim (I am just back from there). I wouldn't want to exist on sandwiches, and if all there was to eat in the morning was fruit then I would be the grumpiest bridesmaid ever. Tea? Coffee? Toast? Something to put on the toast? Milk? Sugar? Orange juice?

Not sure how fluent the OP is in German, but it is a bit of a faff to be directing taxis here there and everywhere to find a supermarket that may or may not be open and then ask the taxi to wait.

We live in the middle of nowhere (not in Germany) After 8pm there is literally nowhere that is open. No corner shops, no petrol stations. Nothing.

The bride needs to ensure that at least the absolute basics are available.

FraglesRock · 01/02/2020 18:46

If I was you with this glowing rendition of boredom and starvation I'd stay near your last bus stop on Friday night and find a good B&b with a restaurant nearby. And get a great breakfast inside you too

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 01/02/2020 19:00

So much "maybe" and "I think" on this thread! She's the only one who can answer your questions. I assume if you are her bridesmaid then you are pretty good friends. Why not just ask her the direct question?

FiremanSlam · 01/02/2020 19:00

Your posts are peculiar, mummmy. What has leaving mummy and daddy got to do with showing consideration and kindness to people who have traveled a considerable distance and don't have easy access to shops due to the rural location? Most people of this thread seem to understand how to treat other people. Apparently you do not.

LowcaAndroidow · 01/02/2020 19:26

I'd want to pin her down on the specifics:
"OK, so what is the plan for food and drink on the Friday night and Saturday morning?
Obviously as other bridesmaid and I will be travelling all day it's not going to be easy for us to provide food.
Where will you be eating dinner and breakfast?"

LowcaAndroidow · 01/02/2020 19:28

And if her response is really "I'm going to just sort myself out so you and the other bridesmaid will have to feed yourselves somehow" then I would say fine, we will stay in the town 40 minutes away in a hotel and get a taxi to the venue after breakfast.

mummmy2017 · 01/02/2020 19:34

Your are not meeting the hosts of a self catering unit.
This is a bride and groom.
There is nothing much to sort, yet people are acting they have a right to be catered to.
If you had just hired the place you would be capable of sorting yourselfs out, I would hope as adults. Hence the needing mummy and daddy.
Every problem is sortable.
Only a weekend case is needed, so pack some wine.
I am glad the OP seem capable of adulting.

Butterymuffin · 01/02/2020 19:47

I don't think the bride and groom seem capable of adulting, frankly. They're the ones getting married near their home yet don't seem to be able to arrange for their guests, who are travelling long distances to a place they don't know, to get any food.

mummmy2017 · 01/02/2020 20:00

Maybe you expect a bride and groom to run round after guest the evening before a wedding, but I do not thing this is a requirement of 99.99% of weddings.

myrtleWilson · 01/02/2020 20:05

sigh and how many weddings do you think fall into the category of requiring the two bridesmaids to spend an entire day travelling via three means of transport, presumably on a tight inflexible schedule, to arrive into a rural location with a venue that has no facility to provide food but also in said foodless venue in rural location is the bride who lives nearby and has access to her own transport? Am going to take a wild guess here but it may, just may, fall into your 0.01% of occasions when as the host you realise the extent to which your choices and decisions will cause your guests difficulty and being a kind hearted human being you consider this question: Who amongst us is best placed to make Friday evening and Saturday morning a pleasant experience?

MadamePewter · 01/02/2020 20:08

@mummmy2017 are you the bride?

LowcaAndroidow · 01/02/2020 20:18

@mummmy2017
Maybe you expect a bride and groom to run round after guest the evening before a wedding, but I do not thing this is a requirement of 99.99% of weddings.
No, it's only a requirement at the 0.01% of weddings that are in the middle of nowhere, in a hotel with no bar/restaurant, when you have bridesmaids coming from abroad who don't speak the local language, and will have been travelling all day and will be arriving late after the shops are shut.

devilsadv0caat · 01/02/2020 21:11

Pandora the hyperbole from your posts is ridiculous. How you got the husband is financially abusive and controlling from barely any information is beyond me, and I think says more about you than the bride or bridesmaids.

mummmy2017 · 01/02/2020 21:24

I have just been to a wedding , to a wedding
in the middle of nowhere, I fail too see this suddenly robs me of the ability to care for myself.
I nor would most adults even think of making demands like this on a bride.
I agree it shows how little you care about others.

myrtleWilson · 01/02/2020 21:34

tell us more about this wedding @mummy2017 - where was it - what happened?

pandora101 · 01/02/2020 21:35

I have a vivid imagination :D :D

to be honest, I misunderstood the "11 people staying at the barn" with "11 people attending the wedding in total". My bad.
So I just couldnt get around the fact that if there are just 11 people why the bride would treat them (her bridesmaids who are travelling a long way and paying for everything, including the accommodation in the barn) and her own mum so badly, as to not provide even some sandwiches or something.

so I was thinking, maybe the bride is a hippie, or she is a dummy, or she is controlled by the groom....
I originally envisioned some gloomy wedding in a a barn in the middle of nowhere with 11 people, not enough food and drinks, noone can go anywhere - so I was sure I wouldnt want to go

but finally understanding that there will be like 150 guests I am more happy with the OP to go and hearing that like 10 people will travel from the UK, not just the 2 of them, I am sure they can ask the other where they are staying and stay there themselves (closer to some kind of civilisation)

still, very rude of the bride to not provide food for 3 of her closest people on Friday

mummmy is the bride :) :)

I am sure the wedding will be very good, not the "11 people in the barn in the woods, away from civilisation, then a crime happens - whodunnit" type of affair :)

myrtleWilson · 01/02/2020 21:35

@mummmy2017 - god am having an awful night with autocorrect...

mummmy2017 · 01/02/2020 21:41

This summer in a field , my car blew up so I got myself there by train and taxi.
It took 7 hours to get there.
I took food and drink, I did not expect the bride to drive 20 miles to collect me.
See not hard.

myrtleWilson · 01/02/2020 21:49

Sorry, had you travelled for a day (equivalent to the OP) and then your car blew up in a field and you had to manage the last 20 miles by train and taxi?

FiremanSlam · 01/02/2020 22:11

Mummmy, demands like hoping that the bride could bring a bag of shopping with her on the way to the venue rather than expecting her guests who have travelled all day to go shopping in an unfamiliar area, in a country where they don't necessarily speak the language or have a vehicle to drive? It's not about whether people are adults or not. It's about being kind and considerate.

And if the bride doesn't have time to sort it out then she could ask another guest/member of the family who is local to the area to help out? Or alternatively she can accept (and not get upset) that people have decided not to stay there in a place with no food or drink readily available.

FiremanSlam · 01/02/2020 22:14

Mummmy, that example you give is nothing like this situation. Yours was a last minute and unplanned issue out of everybody's control. Of course the bride can't be expected to sort your issue out at the last minute. However, in this situation the bride has months and months to ask someone to help out or plan for this situation or to come up with a compromise with her guests. She's choosing not to.

AriadnesFilament · 01/02/2020 22:20

Wind your neck in @mummmy, you’re making yourself look like a proper wally

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 8 9 10

Swipe left for the next trending thread