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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be confused about what the bride wants?

235 replies

Despolime · 29/01/2020 18:56

My friend lives abroad. Another friend and I are two of her bridesmaids. We are travelling to where she's getting married for the wedding in summer. We're staying in a room in the wedding venue Friday - Sunday, which is the time we're abroad. Another 8 guests plus the bride are staying overnight both days too.

Everything was sorted.

Then yesterday, the bride gets in touch to check friend & I definitely want to stay at the venue on the Friday. The wedding is on the Saturday. We said of course. She said that there is no bar or restaurant, only what we take. Fine, we said, we'll pick some things up to take with us. She kept asking if we were sure, and that it's no problem but there's not much about. We double checked again that she'd be there too, and she said yes. She said she was worried we'd be bored if we stayed there.

AIBU to be confused? We're only going to see her get married. Why would we want to stay elsewhere? Am I missing something?

OP posts:
youwereagoodcakeclyde · 30/01/2020 18:39

I think she is just saying there is no food or entertainment ie she can’t “host” you, to manage your expectations. I don’t think she wants you to stay elsewhere, just to be self sufficient!

Frokni · 30/01/2020 18:42

Looking at this from another angle- are her female family members pushy? Is there a chance they are demanding an evening do but don't want "non-family" there and are pressuring her.

If the bride asks again, just reply with- I will do whatever you want, just tell me what your real concern is so we can figure it out?

Original poster
Despolime · 30/01/2020 18:51

She probably wants your room for someone else? She doesn't.

Looking at this from another angle- are her female family members pushy? Is there a chance they are demanding an evening do but don't want "non-family" there and are pressuring her.

No chance. She isn't close to the family and there are two members going.

@VenusClapTrap, I think that that almost exactly what's going to happen here.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 30/01/2020 18:55

Then she is just making sure you have food before you arrive, and that you grab breakfast and drinks

VenusClapTrap · 30/01/2020 18:55

In that case, run a mile!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 30/01/2020 19:01

I think that’s what she’s telling us - there won’t be any (food). The more I think about it the odder it seems. Even for breakfast the next morning

I'm thoroughly confused now; upthread you said that the B&G would be doing the food, decorating, etc. themselves, but later it says that food is "being brought in"

I'd ask what's being brought in, who by and from where, but the bigger question seems to be if there's been any real planning around this wedding at all ... because it really doesn't sound like it Hmm

Original poster
Despolime · 30/01/2020 19:07

I'm thoroughly confused now; upthread you said that the B&G would be doing the food, decorating, etc. themselves, but later it says that food is "being brought in"

I meant that they were arranging the food themselves, not getting the venue to do it.

OP posts:
PatellarTendonitis · 30/01/2020 19:08

She sounds lazy AF. Personally, I'd have declined the whole thing but then, I find destination weddings too much of a PITA to bother.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 30/01/2020 19:13

I meant that they were arranging the food themselves

I see what you mean, but if this place is so very remote I'd have to wonder what that would amount to ... and that's without the issue of whether she'll cope while also having to get herself ready and all the rest

Besides, if bringing in the catering is such a breeze, why isn't she doing it on the Friday too - especially when you'll have gone to such trouble and expense to be there?

Mildred007 · 30/01/2020 19:22

To me it sounds like your friend is worried because she has only catered for the wedding day. Although it may seem unreasonable, as a close friend I would probably ralley around with others to sort out a food delivery for the rest of the stay or transport so you can go out? Can you not message her privately just asking her if everything is ok and whether she needs help with anything?

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 30/01/2020 19:30

Best advice is from Mildred007

Cocobean30 · 30/01/2020 19:31

I don’t understand how the bride and other hotel stagers are going to eat then, if there is no food in the hotel? Surely they will be going to a shop or restaurant and not just sitting in their rooms starving? I find it hard to see why the bride can’t grab something for you as well..as she will need to eat too Hmm

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 30/01/2020 19:32

Not sure rural Germany is the best placed for Deliveroo, and shops close prompt at 5.00pm, still, I believe (1.00pm on Saturdays and no Sunday opening except the odd Bakery, I think.). Quite a shock to the system when you come from a country which has 24 hour supermarkets in some places!

MadMadaMim · 30/01/2020 19:33

Instead of jumping to conclusions and talking about her when she can't defend herself, why not simply be a good mate. Assume the best.

Recognise its highly stressful for her at the moment and she may be over thinking every minute detail. She may have suddenly realised that she's got people arriving Friday, in the middle of nowhere and she hasn't arranged food, refreshments etc and now she's panicking that people will be bored and hungry and hasn't got time to arrange anything as she's taking care of those last minute things for the wedding (there's always something...).

Call her and ask - do we need to bring food, of so - do we have access to a kitchen, can we store/cook food etc so we know what to bring.. And reassure her not to worry about your being bored. Let her know you'll be glad of the boredom so you can chill and be fresh for the festivities the next day

Remind her that you're her bridesmaids and she doesn't need to worry about you - you are there to support and help her.

It's one of the most important days of her life - give her some slack.

And have a lovely time - you will

mummmy2017 · 30/01/2020 19:35

Maybe the bride has been to go look, and realised there really is no shop/ pub or cafe .
I would appreciate her heads up to bring food, after all she is doing a wedding meal, not the weekend food.
Just eat a good. Meal when you can, before arriving.

rvby · 30/01/2020 19:40

Just ask her how you can help with the food/drink/entertainment... it's not brain surgery surely? She's clearly worried it will be boring and food-free, so ask how you can help remove that worry... Confused

LagunaBubbles · 30/01/2020 19:40

You are making it all a big drama, where you feel entitled to be part of the night before, because you are flying out.

And you Jon are a fantasist and making up stuff for some reason.

Ponoka7 · 30/01/2020 19:54

Put something like chocolate brioche in your suitcase for breakfast. Get the other bridesmaid to do similar. You need filling portable food that isn't going to turn to mush.

Check if you have the use of kettles etc and plan what else you need. Grab food in Berlin and wine, or a bottle of spirits and mixers.

I think this has been a case of bad planning and she's now panicking.

There isn't going to be anything local. Rural Germany doesn't compare to rural UK. Once you are there you are stuck.

Frenchw1fe · 30/01/2020 19:58

I would message the venue and ask if they can supply any food or drink. Perhaps chk the venue on trip advisor too and see what reviewers say re food etc.

Wallywobbles · 30/01/2020 20:04

Leave me a list I can read of equipment.

Wallywobbles · 30/01/2020 20:05

Ooops

windycuntryside · 30/01/2020 20:18

She is having a was low maintenance wedding, including low maintenance guests. Don’t be surprised if you take food and she wants to share because .... the hotel is none.

DishevelledandDistressed · 30/01/2020 20:21

I'll be honest this would be the kind of thing I would do, I'm an extremely anxious person and it's literally exactly what she's said. I would take it at face value and assume she's worried you'll be bored/hungry/annoyed and is trying minimise that as much as possible.

Pack all manor of food and try not to worry about it

fastliving · 30/01/2020 20:22

Pack lots of food and forget about the stressy message - hope you all have a great time!

MrsBadcrumble123 · 30/01/2020 20:38

@Despolime if she hasn’t organised anything for the Friday night I’d be inclined to offer to arrange a get together for a few drinks outside if poss or order some food in? But it is a bit odd...