Regret having children

[PumpkinP]

Does anyone else regret having children? I know it’s sounds awful and I will probably be flamed for this but I really can’t help the feeling of deep regret. I feel this way pretty much every day.

I feel guilty for feeling this way and wondered if it’s normal or if anyone else feels the same?

I do tonight after it's take me over 3hrs to get them asleep

Goodness I found just one so much harder and more intense than now I have two.

Yes they bicker but they also play together, look out for each other, chat about the awful TV they like etc

When 1-on-1 - I’m exhausted by the intensity of it!

I found 1 pre-school the hardest too. Now there’s entertainment from others. I have big gaps though.

I feel like, from this thread, that the 'regret' many of us feel is caused not so often by turning out to be completely unmaternal - we adore our dc -but by the immense pressure of parenting without sufficient support.

Pressure and isolation, I should say.

I’m sorry but there is no way one is harder when mine are at school and it’s just me and the 2 year old (this may sound horrible!) but it’s bliss!!

I think that is true SummerPavillion

I’m sorry but there is no way one is harder confused when mine are at school and it’s just me and the 2 year old (this may sound horrible!) but it’s bliss!

Just think Pumpkin, one day, they'll all be at school! Hang in there!

If three are at school then that’s a good break. They’ll be at nursery soon and you’ll get respite. I think anyone with four and an absent father would find it harder.

I do like it when they all go back but I find it easier when they come back and entertain / distract . They get on though big gaps.

The two year old will be that is.

I can’t wait for that day honestly, even having to drag 4 everywhere with me during the school holidays is a night mare as none are old enough to be left alone. The 2 year old will have to be in her pram for as long as I can get away with as I’m honestly not sure how I will superive 4 especially due to my daughters autism she can be very unpredictable.

* I’m sorry but there is no way one is harder confused when mine are at school and it’s just me and the 2 year old (this may sound horrible!) but it’s bliss!! *

Child dependent. When my two together - play / chat / bicker amongst themselves

When alone - I’m required to plug that gap and play / chat / bicker. My son talks at me - relentlessly!! Not so when sister around

Yes I wouldn't regret having children if I'd had a supportive, capable, loving partner and close family keen to help.
It's the weight of responsibility for everything in their lives and no time for myself.
Op, you must feel very worn out with 4 young children, you're doing something quite amazing and have my respect, I hope life goes well for you

If I only had one I could have people to babysit as they wouldn’t babysit 4, most people wouldn’t, it probably depends on the children then as my boys alone just fight from the minute they wake up to the minute they go to bed, everyday.

Op I have 5, 18,17,15,5,3 it's hard work and how anyone with 1 can say it's harder is beyond me. 1 would be a walk in the park, although saying that if I'd of had my youngest first then she would of been an only child Because she is on another level she starts nursery next week and I'm buzzing my tits off hang on in there. I'd say it gets easier but teenagers bring on a whole new set of problems..I spent the Saturday before Xmas having to pick my son up after he was arrested

notaregularmom what was attractive to you re having a big family?

I'm someone who desperately wanted children but they all died before they were born.

Count your blessings ffs. You are very lucky.

You must do your best not to make this obvious to your children. My mum ended up sole parent to 4 children under 13 after a bereavement. She often told us she wished we’d never been born, and about all her unfulfilled dreams, especially as we became older teenagers. It’s not fun growing up with a parent who exudes negativity to this extent.

@MarshaBradyo I'm not sure tbh just always wanted a big family.

I agree notaregularmom, I’ve heard it said before and I’ve always found it strange. Trying to meet 4 people’s needs is obviously harder than meeting one. When I’m alone with my 2 year old as I said it’s bliss! Yes she wants more interaction than maybe if her siblings were there but it’s still so much easier, it’s like a weight has been lifted. Mine don’t get on though and just tease and wind each other up for fun, they are loud and scream and fight. I don’t think I would feel this way if I just had one. I would definitely get my life back. Even getting them ready for school in the morning is hard work, as they still need a lot of help and prompting.

It definitely depends on how they interact with each other.

I'm someone who desperately wanted children but they all died before they were born.

Count your blessings ffs. You are very lucky.

I'm very sorry for your losses but this is really not a helpful comment to someone who is struggling.

I think very few of us would be counting our blessings whilst bringing up four children alone with no support and sn thrown into the mix.

daftgeranium

It's really unfair to judge someone that way, I couldn't imagine the immense hard work and stress involved being a single mum for 4 children.

Bashing the OP because she should be grateful for that is totally without empathy.

@formerbabe I agree with you. I'm infertile and my DDs are adopted. I was desperate to have DC, that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to ask myself what the hell I was thinking of when DD1 breaks her iPad by kicking it in a rage.

Bringing up kids is hard and all parents have times when they're at the end of their tether.

I too am childless and have had several women and men confess to me that they regret having children. We live in a world where having children is seen as the norm and often done without real thought about whether it is what the person really want. I know many people who became parents because it was the next thing on the list.

I do think that it is something that parents may find easier to confide in people like me other than other parents for fear of being judged. But it is good that threads like this exist and that women in particular can confess to having these feelings - without being judged, without being dismissed as having depression, PND and all the other things that is used to excuse what is often genuine feelings as not real and due to a cause. Sometimes they are real. We need to accept that.

I think regretting having children is actually very common. It's just such a taboo to talk about that you don't hear it. I have one and deeply regretted having her for the first year. I do t any more but I know I'd be unhappy if I had multiple children.