Regret having children

[PumpkinP]

Does anyone else regret having children? I know it’s sounds awful and I will probably be flamed for this but I really can’t help the feeling of deep regret. I feel this way pretty much every day.

I feel guilty for feeling this way and wondered if it’s normal or if anyone else feels the same?

This is tough for you op.

I have 4 and my partner left me but the youngest was 7 then. It’s very tough being a single parent with everything on you and .i too have no family support nearby. Tgat said I desperate wanted all of mine and love them to bits, they are the centre of my life and don’t regret anything.

It sounds like you could really do with some support, I think you need to go to your health visitor or go and ask If there are any support groups. Maybe the local church? Having a child with autism is a huge added workload, are there any autism charities you can offer any respite?

You will definitely find it more manageable once your youngest is at school and you can Get on top if the household chores and rest a bit During the day. I won’t say it gets easier though, as they get older tge discipline and worry increases but if you are less tired you can deal with things a lot better.

Try and change your view towards your family, if you start to resent them you will get into a downward spiral.Look for the positives, they will always be there for you as they grow up and never let you down And disappear like so many Men do. Try and cherish your family unit.

formerbabe
‘Having more than one has benefits for the parents too. I can leave them both in the playroom or lounge and hide in my bedroom guilt free because i know they're not lonely’

Single children can entertain themselves and play happily on their own without being lonely. I’m one of 4 and generally preferred to play on my own.

Hello,
Firstly I wanted to say how brave it is to admit that you may regret having children, or even asking other people. I have done a fair amount of research and just keep finding new articles or thoughts on this and women who share the same feelings, and it is just so courageous to share. Especially as clearly there are others who feel the same & I am sure would seek solace in just knowing they were not the only one.
I am actually here because I am a female photographer of 38 who is essentially, under pressure to have children and genuinely believe I would be asking myself the same question, and will do if I have them. I have realised that if the decision was my own it would be easy, but life isn't that simple and there are so many other things that play in to my battle and on going journey.

Anyway, I am exploring this and the journey of other women through my photographic practice - looking at the link of womanhood to motherhood through the shifting paradigm and concept of what other is; focussing on fear, loss, expectation and identity. Working from our inherent expression of the female as body, I felt the Womb which is responsible for monthly bleeding, reproduction, pregnancy and assumed gender identity was a key place to begin this discussion, so have started a project called Dear Womb.

It is a participatory text and image based project speaking to women about their own experiences.

I have been so grateful to receive some beautiful responses to this project, some short and some long, and everyone who has chosen to participate have all been so honest, so it really is an honour to receive peoples feedback. Anyway I am posting because I wondered if anyone here would consider getting involved - it can be totally anonymous but before sending over all the info I just wanted to share the idea and also, really say thank you for being an open group of women I can also talk to about my own feelings and currently situation.

I hope some of you may be interested in getting involved, I'm happy to share more info here or directly. Whatever works.

Thanks xx

I know this thread is 9mths old but how are you now @PumpkinP

I don’t think you regret them - just you are very tired of managing alone as their dad has walked out

Being a single parent is hard

Being a single parent to a sn child is harder

Being a single parent to 4 children one being sn is very hard

You need to track him down so 1) he pays some money 2) gives you a break 3) builds a relationship with his kids

Hopefully the youngest will be starting nursery in jan and give you some reprieve

Refreshingly honest!

I love my children but if I knew what I know now I wouldnt make the same decisions.

I miss my pre mother life a lot. And I don’t enjoy the day to day mothering.
I find it very difficult to find anything positive in my experiences of motherhood.

I believe more women feel regrets but don’t admit it. You aren’t alone

Hey - thanks for allowing me to join. I am here to read, to learn and essentially I think, to work out how I feel about children. I am in a tricky position where my husband has changed his mind about wanting children, and I haven't. So am I about to have a child that I'm not sure I really want?! Surely that can't be right. I feel like I know I will be regretting the decision in a couple of years, so why am I even still pondering it?! It is so confusing and overwhelming!! Probably sound totally mad or misguided or like the decision should be obvious but its just never that black and white.

It’s nice to see people being able to be honest about their experiences / feelings , it’s a shame women don’t feel like they can talk about this more often.

I don’t regret them

But as a LP I feel very desperate and low sometimes
I feel like I can’t manage and cope

Issues like screen time , parenting discipline , schoolwork etc daunt me

It’s so hard
I sometimes have death ideation when I feel like I can’t do this
I’ll fail
They’d be better off with their dad
That I’ll fail them

It’s really hard

@PumpkinP

Why did you have four children? That would have broke me. One or two is manageable

I wonder this everyday. It’s too much, especially alone. And I’m struggling with it. The youngest wasn’t planned and I couldn’t go through with an abortion. At that time life was different though, I was with their father but he left me when I was pregnant with the youngest and hasn’t had contact since.

I wonder if the appalling abandonment of their father and the fact that you’re struggling with four children, one of who has autism, might account for a good portion of how you feel. Not to negate the feelings of regret, which I think are perfectly natural.

I struggle with one and I’m not in my own, think how amazing it is that while you’re not having a very happy time, you’re on your own with four and keeping them all alive. Don’t diminish how hard you have it and give yourself credit for it.

Hi everyone,

I have found this thread today and I just want to say thank you, to you all, for your honesty.

I am 30 and childless. I have known since I was in my early teens that I do not want children, for a variety of reasons but mostly because I saw how hard it was for my parents to raise me. I would say I was a very obedient child, never gave anyone any trouble, and became fully independent at 21 after university. However, I still know it was very hard for my parents, and my mum especially, who I definitely saw gave up her own identity in order to raise me and be a great mother. I am so grateful that she did this, but I saw her sacrifices and I knew from a very young age that I did not want to make those sacrifices myself.

Parenthood is a major change to one's life. I think about it a lot, and nothing has ever made me doubt my original decision.

However, I face regular questions about my decision not to have children from friends, work colleagues, and my parents. There is definitely a push from society for women to be mothers. The comments are often "well you'll change your mind" *wink wink. My plan is to pretend that I am infertile, so that people stop asking me. It makes me sad that I feel the need to lie, rather than to simply state that I know myself, and that I simply do not want children. Every time I say this, it is not taken seriously, or questioned in a way that is quite intrusive.

Thank you for your honesty here. It makes me hopeful that I can be honest too about my decision in the future, and that this is something we can all talk about with a bit more openness and understanding for each other.