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AIBU - Got Christmas shopping rage again

213 replies

BahHumbugAnus · 15/11/2019 17:45

Every freaking year I get the rage when I have to go Christmas shopping. Today was the first day I have attempted it for this year.

I like shopping. I like shopping for my DC and people I think are deserving of a treat. It's the others where I get the absolute F'ing rage.

On the list is my Dad's GF. She has never bought my DC a gift, but I am expected to buy her one because my dad is fully emerged in her family and they buy him. Apparently she likes perfume. So that was £50.

SIL buys my DC so we have to buy her. She always gives us a list of options. She wants a set from JL beauty counter. Another £50.

I've been trying to tone down another gift but it is not working. I just had the conversation again where I said please don't buy my DC gifts, they don't need anything. Just a whopper of a selection box if you must. No, her DC loves receiving presents and looks forward to them. That is another £40 as she told me what to buy her DC.

Nieces and nephews are now having babies and I've another 4 DC to buy for. I don't mind this so much.

So, I've spent all day shopping for the above. I didn't get my DC anything as I was too busy looking for all the above. I didn't buy myself anything as I can't afford it. I never get to treat myself with perfume, JL beauty counter stuff or any luxuries, nor will I receive any at Christmas.

I know I am being a massive humbug. I've had a crap year and I have a lot of things on my plate at the moment. I have just had enough of this bullshit every year. It's never ending. I've toned Christmas down loads but am still buying massive bloody presents for about 5 people and am sick of it. On the other hand there are a few people I am really grateful to and take massive enjoyment in baking for them, wrapping up really nice, selecting a nice wine and card.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 15/11/2019 17:48

I'd get angry with myself too if I had no self control.

Just cut them down to token gifts for a tenner and do it online.

There's no point in pandering to this and then getting angry about it.


GruciusMalfoy · 15/11/2019 17:49

This is why my siblings and I agreed to stop buying for adults, and eventually for the kids too. The most I'll do is a big box of chocolates or biscuits to be shared between the family. It just gets too much.

I know it's a cliche, but buying expensive gifts for people isn't what Christmas is about for us.


LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 15/11/2019 17:50

You know you don't have to buy the things people tell you to buy? Return the stuff you've bought today and get them all a box of chocs each. Problem solved.


motortroll · 15/11/2019 17:50

People have got a cheek telling you what to buy them at those prices!! Next year say no presents and take your family on holiday instead!! Maybe you need to be the one who stops it all!!

I would never ask anyone to buy anything over £15 for my kids and often suggest much cheaper things! I could afford to spend more for others but I don't because my family is more important (that and the hill for a new gearbox I will have to pay next week Hmm). I think it's important to get something you know they'll like but if they're gonna take the piss tell them not to bother!!


treepolitics · 15/11/2019 17:53

you clearly have cheeky family - likes perfume? I'm sure she'd like a box of nice chocolates for £10 too...


woodhill · 15/11/2019 17:53

Not understanding why you need to spend as much.

Just because they want something doesn't mean they get it.


Bringonspring · 15/11/2019 17:53

I hear you! We have stopped with adults now just children but even still it just gets out of hand. This year I am going to try and avoid ‘present panic buying’ where I worry I need to buy more than I have


QueenofallIsee · 15/11/2019 17:53

Good God OP, get a back bone! TELL the ungrateful swines the present gravy train has stopped. I am able to say this because after years of seething resentment I finally stood up and said ‘sorry, no more adult gifts’ Ex SIL cried because ‘she looked forward to my gift the most’ I am sure you did Little Miss ‘I’d like a Cath Kidson handbag to open when I give you a bottle of rose that you don’t like and never drink’


Collision · 15/11/2019 17:55

I will do anything for anybody but as soon as it’s expected that’s it.

You are a mug for spending £50 British pounds on people you don’t really care about.

It’s £50. That’s a lot of money......

I would have bought nothing for my Dads girlfriend and nothing for the friend who insisted I did. It’s utterly ridiculous.

I don’t celebrate Christmas so don’t have to buy into this Shizz but I really wouldn’t anyway.


Ilikewinter · 15/11/2019 17:55

Just dont do it, ive cut back massively this year and already feel less stressed than usual.


woodhill · 15/11/2019 17:55

What's your dad's life with his gf's family got to do with you in the sense of gift buying?


Hotcuppatea · 15/11/2019 17:56

You need to learn how to say no. Its OK to put some boundaries in place. You don't have to buy for your Dads GF. You really really don't. If the thought of his dissapointment/anger is too scary to contemplate, then you need to have a long hard look at why. You're an adult now. Do you really need his approval?


LoonyLunaLoo · 15/11/2019 17:57

Fuck that for a game of soldier! Your dad is a CF and so is your sister. And the girlfriend even more for accepting an expensive gift and not reciprocating.


OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/11/2019 17:57

Just buy for children- anyone over 18/21- nada !


1wokeuplikethis · 15/11/2019 17:58

I think families can get caught up in how they think Christmas should be done. So give NG a list of items costing £50 each upwards becomes the norm, and out of politeness people don’t speak up to say hang on etc but in this situation, if they aren’t spending the same on you; you say you’re not getting a nice perfume etc then it really is completely out of balance.

Set the precedent now OP. I totally agree with the advice of taking everything you bought today back and having a rethink. Spend what you have available on your DCs and those you want to treat and then divvy what you have left/what you wish to spend amongst the others.


BahHumbugAnus · 15/11/2019 17:58

I have cut down a lot believe it or not. I don't do gifts with my siblings and we all only buy for DC under 18.

A few years ago I tried to tone it down on DH's side and they all cried and said something similar to Queen. They said they don't have a lot of family and if we don't buy them nice gifts they won't get anything. Me - I get F'all off anyone. Not even a box of Aldi cheapo chocs.

OP posts:

Jollitwiglet · 15/11/2019 18:01

Good grief just stop doing it! Fuck what people expect.

If you really must buy gifts stop spending so much. If they ask for something in particular that's expensive, offer some money towards it instead or a gift voucher.

I honestly don't understand the mentality of spending more than you can afford on gifts you don't really want to buy for people.


DisplayPurposesOnly · 15/11/2019 18:02

If they are suggesting gifts above your budget then SAY SO. "Sorry, we can't stretch that far. Is there anything you'd like that's around £20 or shall we just surprise you?"

(My dad got narky with me one year, as I hadn't bought his wife anything. I pointed out I'd only met her twice. (That wasn't a dig, just saying I didn't really know her.))


X0X0 · 15/11/2019 18:03

Why are people so weak?

All of you who cant say no, you need to buy me a present, and you must spend £50 at least on me


exLtEveDallas · 15/11/2019 18:03

I didn't buy myself anything as I can't afford it. I never get to treat myself with perfume, JL beauty counter stuff or any luxuries, nor will I receive any at Christmas

Why are you buying presents for people who don't reciprocate? Send every adult you have bought a present for a wish list for yourself and make sure there is nothing on there that costs less than £50. On Xmas day if you don't get the presents you have asked for send the text/email THEN "I didn't realise that we were no longer buying gifts for adults. Thank you for making it clear. Next year I will also be buying gifts for the children only"


BahHumbugAnus · 15/11/2019 18:03


My Dad is one of those men who hooked up with a woman and then let her take over his life. He has little to do with us and hangs out with her DC and their families mostly. They all treat him like their Dad/ Grandad and buy him gifts. At Christmas he gets embarrassed if we don't spoil her the way he is by her family even though she doesn't want to know me and my siblings.

As you can see, this is why I get the massive rage over being gifts for people I don't want to.

Last year I baked my socks off and made fantastic cakes. They were received like a turd sandwich on a baking hot day.

OP posts:

woodhill · 15/11/2019 18:04

Some families do secret Santa for adults.

Not understanding about your DHs side not getting anything. What about their own parents


GruciusMalfoy · 15/11/2019 18:04

They are taking you for a mug. Crying over not getting a gift? That would make me.dig my heels in more, that's ridiculous from adults.


woodhill · 15/11/2019 18:05

Can't you just buy him something.

I'm sure he spends money on her family as well?

Does he buy you a decent gift?


Hadalifeonce · 15/11/2019 18:05

If you left the present buying for your in laws to your DH, would that solve the problem? I've done that re his sister's birthdays (I don't even get a card from them), I don't remind him, if they're lucky he will send birthday wishes via Facebook; but nobody has complained about no presents

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