AIBU - Got Christmas shopping rage again

[BahHumbugAnus]

Every freaking year I get the rage when I have to go Christmas shopping. Today was the first day I have attempted it for this year.

I like shopping. I like shopping for my DC and people I think are deserving of a treat. It's the others where I get the absolute F'ing rage.

On the list is my Dad's GF. She has never bought my DC a gift, but I am expected to buy her one because my dad is fully emerged in her family and they buy him. Apparently she likes perfume. So that was £50.

SIL buys my DC so we have to buy her. She always gives us a list of options. She wants a set from JL beauty counter. Another £50.

I've been trying to tone down another gift but it is not working. I just had the conversation again where I said please don't buy my DC gifts, they don't need anything. Just a whopper of a selection box if you must. No, her DC loves receiving presents and looks forward to them. That is another £40 as she told me what to buy her DC.

Nieces and nephews are now having babies and I've another 4 DC to buy for. I don't mind this so much.

So, I've spent all day shopping for the above. I didn't get my DC anything as I was too busy looking for all the above. I didn't buy myself anything as I can't afford it. I never get to treat myself with perfume, JL beauty counter stuff or any luxuries, nor will I receive any at Christmas.

I know I am being a massive humbug. I've had a crap year and I have a lot of things on my plate at the moment. I have just had enough of this bullshit every year. It's never ending. I've toned Christmas down loads but am still buying massive bloody presents for about 5 people and am sick of it. On the other hand there are a few people I am really grateful to and take massive enjoyment in baking for them, wrapping up really nice, selecting a nice wine and card.

Have you told these people what you want?

I don't understand why you buy your dads gf a gift . Just say no to your dad what your dad wants you to do is not what you want to do so say no it really is that simple .

As in, if you’re spending £50s tell them you like x perfume and y makeup pallet. Either you’ll get some nice stuff or they’ll change their tune.

I am really with you on this, I had to grow a thicker skin and so must you. Let your father be ‘embarrassed’ - that’s about him not wanting to face up to his family reality and he bloody should do. You can’t afford it, you are going without yourself and it’s not even because these people you love and cherish! FUCK THEM

Please take the things back and tell people to fuck right off. It’s your money, you decide how to spend it

Surely if they give your dad presents its up to him to reciprocate? Nothing to do with you. If anyone objects just point out they've never got you anything...?

She doesn’t buy for you don’t buy for her! Or buy a perfume from Avon a fraction of the price and still quite nice!
And your SIL can swivel at £50! Get her something for 20 quid - a nice mascara or a makeup palette if that’s the kind of thing she likes.
Don’t spend so much on the kids either limit it to £20 again.

People crying and people being embarrassed?

I'm cringing for them

Just stop doing it OP

If your Dad wants you to buy his GF something when she never reciprocates, maybe he'd like to transfer you £50 to cover it? No? Well, you don't really fancy spending £50 on it either...

And why do you have to continue buying for DH's family when they never buy you anything? Isn't that an easy 'stop'?

They're not even buying for you in return? They can take their crocodile tears, fold their 'gimme lists' until they're all sharp corners, sit on them and bloody well rotate. At least the tears at not getting your lovely gifts for which they give nothing in return will be real.

If your Dad wants to spoil his girlfriend, that's down to him. Not for him to lump you with. Especially since she doesn't want to know you and your siblings? He gets embarrassed? Oooooh - DIDDUMS.

Nieces and nephews children?!

I'm saying this with kindness, but are you stark raving bonkers? They have seen you coming and going!

Spend your money on you and yours. First up, some JL beauty counter stuff, and some perfume. Do it. Make your Christmas present to you, freeing yourself from these Christmas parasites.

I know you've done most of it now but maybe next year wait for Black Friday (29th November) and try and get things in the sale. That's what I'm doing as I've an humongous family to buy for.

I'm with everyone else.
Take the stuff back and don't do it.
If you offend all the better, it's not like they are treating you or anything.
Then treat yourself!!

YABU you don’t have to spend £50 on someone if you don’t want to. Especially if you can’t treat yourself to the same amount.

I can see why you’ve got the rage. It’s because you know it’s unfair and terribly wrong. And you’ve been coerced in to it. You really don’t have to do it.

It’s awful that you don't receive anything. Do you get anything from your dad and his girlfriend?

I think you need to return those gifts and get token gifts instead if you must. You can get nice chocolates, Hotel Chocolat or something.

Why are the people who expect lovely gifts so stingy in return?

See this on so many threads

WHAT!?
You HAVE to buy £50 presents for people who dont even buy you a pair of socks!
This is batshit !
OP look up FOG in relationships
Fear -your DF will have a go at you.
Obligation they tell you you have to do this
Guilt They cry if you dont .
This absolytely terrible behaviour on their part -no wonder you are raging.
Stop raging, return the gifts and buy them a small Hotel Chocolat gift each.
If the kick off they are ungrateful arseholes.
Im at this.

Do you like the £50 perfume? If you do wrap it up for yourself and get the GF a box of biscuits. Or have a nose through a charity shop and get her a nice vase or something. Of course they don’t want you to stop because you’re buying them expensive gifts. You’re getting the rage because you know it’s at the expense of yourself and your family.

Not unreasonable to but a gift for SIL if she has no kids and buys for yours. Dictating that she wants a £50 present is not on, just get her something else and if she makes a fuss it will be nothing next time.

Dads girlfriend likes perfume, he can buy it for her. "Sorry my budget doesnt stretch that far" and get her a box of chocs or nothing. He is embarrassed, tough shit.

Friend whose DC loves presents "my budget doesnt stretch that far" and get him a £10 gift. Again if she has a complaint, no gift next time.

To be honest OP if they suggest a £50 present and you just buy it they probably don't know that you're unhappy about it. Make a point of telling them it's too expensive and get them something cheaper.

OP, I’m being deadly serious here, return those gifts you bought today and get your money back, buy yourself a treat.

The first time you don’t hand the gifts over will be a little awkward bit after that it will be much easier. If anything is said then just reply with “well you never get me a gift so I thought we weren’t doing it anymore ” or “well I can’t really afford to be buying gifts for adults when I’ve got my own kids to consider”.

If you were loaded I would think what the hell, give them gifts if it keeps the peace but I can’t fathom spending £50 on someone when you don’t want to, you’ve worked hard for that money.

@BahHumbugAnus - very funny name actually

I do feel you & I've done it and the backbone grew itself... I was just like you & I do expect many, many more on mnet have/do, that are given lists to buy from, never asked what we would like in return and we were getting absolute shit back. One day I did snap!
I no longer ask what anybody wants, close family I know what they like, extended family a voucher of sorts. A bit of a tip " If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got"
I promise you will feel elated when you put a stop to CF's. Your child/ren/loved ones are your only priority at Christmas. Not an extremely expensive present request to impress somebody who gives no flyingfudge, for you or yours. Do it. Take a deep breath, email/text if you dont want to talk directly and say " no longer possible/able to get your requests, due to XYZ" " More than happy for you to get yourself something from me & I'll do the same"... Good luck x

I am utterly agog at all these people who send out Christmas 'wish lists' for presents! How entitled must you be to demand certain presents?

OP you don't need to go along with it. You may have reasoned it out in your own mind that life will be unbearable if you don't buy exactly what they've asked for. But truly, no one will die if they get a box of shortbread and a nice card instead of a £50 make up palette! They might be miffed, but fgs, if you can't afford it you can't buy it!

Just tell them you're cutting back, you can't afford their taste in presents, and give them all a nice box of biscuits. Embarrassed? Crying? Tough. They need to grow up.

What would they do if you were bankrupt? Continue to expect lavish pressies?

Take them back and get refunds. If they're not buying for you why on earth are you letting them take advantage of you?

I’m in the take it all back camp.
Buy token gifts if you must. But anyone demanding £50 gifts and not reciprocating should get a lump of coal in their stocking.

Make two lists. First list "People I Have To Give A Gift To"
Second list "People I Want To Give A Gift To"
For First list - Buy a box of Christmas cards and put a $20 bill or 25-pound note in it. Sign and seal.
For second list - Shop for thoughtful gift (or bake something), wrap, write a nice note and deliver.
With money saved - go to after Christmas sales and buy yourself the gifts you wanted and did not get.

Your Dad is a CF. If he wanted to pretend that his family love his gf as much as her family love him then he'd give you £50 and ask you to buy the gift to Lee up the pretense.
The crying family are also cf. They need to get a grip and think about how much they have. There's homeless people on the streets !!
I assume that SIL buys gifts totaling about £50 so it's fair to buy for her.

You're not being a massive humbug. You're being conned by these people.

Please keeps the gifts you mentioned for yourself!
As pp have suggested, get a token present for the cheeky swine, tell your father that you will buy a £50 perfume for his gf if she buys you a big present this year.
You must stick up for yourself!!