AIBU - Got Christmas shopping rage again

[BahHumbugAnus]

Every freaking year I get the rage when I have to go Christmas shopping. Today was the first day I have attempted it for this year.

I like shopping. I like shopping for my DC and people I think are deserving of a treat. It's the others where I get the absolute F'ing rage.

On the list is my Dad's GF. She has never bought my DC a gift, but I am expected to buy her one because my dad is fully emerged in her family and they buy him. Apparently she likes perfume. So that was £50.

SIL buys my DC so we have to buy her. She always gives us a list of options. She wants a set from JL beauty counter. Another £50.

I've been trying to tone down another gift but it is not working. I just had the conversation again where I said please don't buy my DC gifts, they don't need anything. Just a whopper of a selection box if you must. No, her DC loves receiving presents and looks forward to them. That is another £40 as she told me what to buy her DC.

Nieces and nephews are now having babies and I've another 4 DC to buy for. I don't mind this so much.

So, I've spent all day shopping for the above. I didn't get my DC anything as I was too busy looking for all the above. I didn't buy myself anything as I can't afford it. I never get to treat myself with perfume, JL beauty counter stuff or any luxuries, nor will I receive any at Christmas.

I know I am being a massive humbug. I've had a crap year and I have a lot of things on my plate at the moment. I have just had enough of this bullshit every year. It's never ending. I've toned Christmas down loads but am still buying massive bloody presents for about 5 people and am sick of it. On the other hand there are a few people I am really grateful to and take massive enjoyment in baking for them, wrapping up really nice, selecting a nice wine and card.

[ffswhatnext]

Dads gf - just because she likes something means nothing. Get her a box of quality street if you have to get her something. It's a gift. If she doesn't like it, she will get over it. Tell dad if he spent more time with your side, then you would know her better.

Sil - You don't have to buy the full set. Set a much smaller budget and get something. She too will get over it.

Clearly these people are taking the piss. They expect you to fork out ££££ and in return no-one wants to treat you. Bollocks to that crap. Yea I know it's not about the receiving. Good to give and all that. But it's only good if it feels good.

They want to cry fuck them. Let them get on with it. These people are selfish and greedy. Don't announce it. Just do it. Monday take it all back.
People you want to buy for do, £10 max. The ones you don't then simply don't.

And with all that money you saved, you can buy yourself some lovely treats.

When you say nothing, do you mean no-one at all buys a thing for you?

[Birthdaycakemondays]

Ugh, I feel your pain. My family & I agree christmas is for the kids. Buy what you like for them, if you’re stuck I’ll give you ideas. But we don’t buy for each other, maybe a token present like wine/chocolate. But DPs mum is just ridiculous, we have to buy for all his aunties & grandparents even though we probably see them 3 times a year! It’s just utter bollocks. They do buy for us, usually huge bags of tat I have to find homes for & that we really don’t want!

It annoys me so much that his mum expects it of us, when she knows we don’t have a lot of disposable income to spend on this crap!

[worriedmumtoteen]

So hold on. Who do you buy for? Who do you and dh get gifts from?

Write down what you have got them, and they you, over the last couple of years.

If it’s vastly different, stop. Don’t buy them anything this year. ‘Oh, you didn’t buy me anything last year when I got you that lovely makeup’ - that’s not very fair, is it? So I thought we’re not doing adult pressies this year.’

Your dad’s gf: take back the perfume. Get her something cheap.

They are all taking the piss, and dropping £50 on gifts for people you don’t even like is not the spirit of Christmas!

Honestly. Woman up, spend the cash on you, and you will feel happier.

Good luck!

[UOkhun77]

WTF?! Take it all back, why are you wasting money on these pricks? I like the pp’s idea of donating to charity - but definitely not £50 per head.

[salsmum]

£50? OMG! 😵 how can people be so selfish and grabby? If you put it into context and you were earning £8 an hour that's over 6 hours work just to buy a pressie for this ungrateful lot. 😵 boots had a lovely jules bag for about £24 with smelly/beauty bits in it please op take your £50 pressies back and buy these cry babies decent pressies that you can afford and actually treat yourself with the savings.

[Courtney555]

So.

You can't get DF and the GF a joint gift because?....

You have to buy for SIL because she buys for your DC. You then go on to say you have to buy for her DC. So if you're both buying for each DC, why exactly must you buy a £50 gift for her?

You're acting like you have to do any of this. You don't.

What do you/DC get from DF and the GF, seeing as you buy her £50 perfume, so presumably he gets something similar too?

What do you get from SIL, seeing as you spend £50 on her and £40 on her DC?

You appear to be saying you receive nothing back, but simultaneously insist you have to spend this on them, for no obvious reason, and are outraged about it.

[sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea]

Fuck that shit. Aside from the DC, I buy all presents from charity shops - except I get the DC to help me do it. We set an overall budget of about £50, and then trawl all the shops near us to find the right present for each person. It might take a few visits for us to find the perfect thing, and some people might get £15 spent on them, whereas others only get a fiver, but I'm not going to piss away money I don't have on something they could easily afford to buy themselves.

My mum bought me a load of expensive make up for Christmas last year - I don't wear make up. What a pointless waste of money that bloody was.

[AlwaysCheddar]

Grow a pair! Keep the nice stuff fir yourself and get cheap stuff for the leeches.

[ffswhatnext]

A few years ago I tried to tone it down on DH's side and they all cried and said something similar to Queen. They said they don't have a lot of family and if we don't buy them nice gifts they won't get anything.

Nothing stopping them as family treating each other to nice gifts. There's more than one of them. Maybe if they weren't so grabby they would get gifts from others.

[smsd33]

Oh my goodness!

You have two options as I see it, either stop giving out of a sense of obligation when it is not being reciprocated. Or when you are handed a list of what to buy, respond in kind with your own list. That will sort it out!

[4DrivetPrive]

Give your Dad's GF a gift equal to the effort she makes with you. Since that seems to be none, take the perfume back and save £50. If he complains tell him you are embarrassed he takes advantage of your generosity for somebody so cold to your family.

Tell SIL, DNs etc you are only doing gifts for DC due to budget.

You are right to be pissed off but you need to use it. Don't be a doormat for grabby selfish people!

Buy yourself something nice OP.

[LimeRedBanana]

Tell your Dad that you find it really embarrassing when your DC don't have anything to open from his girlfriend.

See how he likes it....

[CustomerCervixDepartment]

How embarrassing for you OP, people are ripping the piss out of you. Weeping over consumer products? Handing over a shift worth of cash for your fathers current lover? 😄. Return the tat and stop this shit for good. Ridiculous.

[yeahyh]

If no one was buying me anything in return I would ignore their lists and requests. Why aren't you? Who cares what they say. It's not your problem. If people kick off about their kids not receiving gifts you say 'I told you we weren't interested in doing that this year'.

Keep the perfume and other things for yourself. You have control over this.

[Shooturlocalmethdealer]

Return your dads gf gift. Return anyone elses that you didnt want to buy for. You dont have to buy for anyone dear.
I certainly wouldnt if I didnt want to.

[WagtailRobin]

@BahHumbugAnus You say your dad's GF doesn't want anything to do with you and your siblings, so why are you buying her anything at all? I could understand buying her a gift if you had some decent semblance of a relationship with her but by your own admission you don't.

Your dad should be embarrassed that his GF A) Doesn't make the effort with his children, B) Demands expensive gifts and C) That he himself is facilitating the nonsense.

I often ask family/friends what they would like but never has anyone given direct orders or picked an expensive item.

Unfortunately OP this is your fault (and I don't say this to be unkind) because you are playing along with it, spending vast sums of money on a person you have little to no bond with, it's madness. If you really must buy her a gift, get her something from Boots 3 for 2.

As for your SIL, same rule applies, also get her something from the 3 for 2, a clean sweep, 3 gifts that will sort the GF, the SIL and your dad.

[Needbettername]

So you buy these people expensive presents but they don't get you anything? At all? Then definetly stop or token presents. It will be more work returning them but do it! Then any more crying/complaing do what someone else suggested about since I don't receive anything I assumed we were no longer doing big gifts.
Does your dad not get you decent present?

[AnnaFiveTowns]

Just stop. Tell everyone you're concerned about the environment (whether that's true or not) and buying lots of unnecessary shit at Christmas, so you're not buying any adult presents at all this year. Let them sulk if they want to. Tough.

[Dowser]

I can’t understand all of this ..take the presents back and buy something cheap.
Honestly why would you even do that/ waste money like that.
Just look them in the eye and say, I /we are not doing presents this year.
You don’t even have to give a reason.
You only have to do it for this Christmas
Next Christmas they will know the score and won’t expect anything.
I stopped sending Christmas cards 14 years ago. I just stopped.
I still got cards from people. I rang them and thanked them.
Sometimes I got a card from someone I’d never seen or heard from all year..with love Angela on or whatever.
No news , no nothing
Such a pointless exercise and waste of a stamp.
I can’t stand all the stress for one day so Im Removing myself from it.

You can do the same op.
The people that I love are in my life all the time and I give to them regularly, I don’t need one day a year to make a splash.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Your dad doesn’t seem to feel embarrassed that he practically ignores his own grand children. And he darn well should. Why do you care if he’d be embarrassed if you got his gf nothing? He seems to care so little for your lovely kids. It is for him to reciprocate with her grandchildren, not for you to buy for her.

As for your sil. I’m confused. You say you buy her a present. In the next paragraph, you talk about what I imagine to br her dc buying for yours. So why are you buying for her when she doesn’t buy for you?

Neither of these gifts make any sense. Please return them both. You’re not going to make either person like you by giving them presents. If anything, they’re going to like you less for not standing up for yourself. Been there, done that. Got the t-shirt. Read up on it etc.

[daisychain01]

I know it's easy to,say at distance, but you need to take back control. Once you've reduced the presents this year, you will set the precedent, then it will be easier in future years.

You are in danger of becoming a victim if you get nothing back from anyone, you're just a doormat. Why not make an early resolution to save your money. You could afford to,escape on a mini break with all the money you're having to shell out.

A few years ago I tried to tone it down on DH's side and they all cried

Repeats after me "They'll . Get. . Over . It "

There, see. It's easier than you think.

[Mollie3]

We just buy for children unless the person doesn’t have any or they are grown up. Expensive perfume for dad GF when you can’t afford luxuries yourself?
No wonder your raging 😤

[willowmelangell]

You can't turn back the clock and what is done is done.
Return what you have bought, most shops will refund with a receipt.
I can absolutely see how you have got to this point. I'm sure we have all done things which have ended up being a burden, eg giving lifts, doing someones shopping, lending money, always being the hostess, whatever, whatever etc etc.
If you can pluck up the nerve, a text or email to each CF saying "I've been thinking how you don't buy adults xmas gifts. I have decided to copy that idea from now on. Thank you for the inspiration."
Good luck and get your money back!

[LagunaBubbles]

know I am being a massive humbug

Youre not a massive humbug, just a mug really. Why are you buying expensive stuff and then resenting it, that's pointless! You do realise buying expensive presents isn't compulsory, no matter how much they are expected"!