AIBU - Got Christmas shopping rage again

[BahHumbugAnus]

Every freaking year I get the rage when I have to go Christmas shopping. Today was the first day I have attempted it for this year.

I like shopping. I like shopping for my DC and people I think are deserving of a treat. It's the others where I get the absolute F'ing rage.

On the list is my Dad's GF. She has never bought my DC a gift, but I am expected to buy her one because my dad is fully emerged in her family and they buy him. Apparently she likes perfume. So that was £50.

SIL buys my DC so we have to buy her. She always gives us a list of options. She wants a set from JL beauty counter. Another £50.

I've been trying to tone down another gift but it is not working. I just had the conversation again where I said please don't buy my DC gifts, they don't need anything. Just a whopper of a selection box if you must. No, her DC loves receiving presents and looks forward to them. That is another £40 as she told me what to buy her DC.

Nieces and nephews are now having babies and I've another 4 DC to buy for. I don't mind this so much.

So, I've spent all day shopping for the above. I didn't get my DC anything as I was too busy looking for all the above. I didn't buy myself anything as I can't afford it. I never get to treat myself with perfume, JL beauty counter stuff or any luxuries, nor will I receive any at Christmas.

I know I am being a massive humbug. I've had a crap year and I have a lot of things on my plate at the moment. I have just had enough of this bullshit every year. It's never ending. I've toned Christmas down loads but am still buying massive bloody presents for about 5 people and am sick of it. On the other hand there are a few people I am really grateful to and take massive enjoyment in baking for them, wrapping up really nice, selecting a nice wine and card.

There's an argument for dialling it down a bit even if they're all spending the same on each other. It's still a lot.

WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IT TO YOURSELF?!?!?!
I read your post and most of your posts in the thread and I can't believe it. You're not a martyr, nobody will proclaim you a saint, they just think you are the Christmas doormat.
Return the gifts and spend the money on presents for those you love and get something nice for yourself.
Sorted.

Why on earth do adults need a gift the same value as what they spend on someone’s kids?! That’s not how it works. I wouldn’t expect anything at all in return in that situation or maybe a token so I had something to open. I have been in that situation and got a paperback book in return, and been quite happy. If the aunt resents not getting an expensive present in return she can just stop buying for the children, or buy cheaper presents. I may be unworldly but gift giving shouldn’t be in expectation of a return.

I dont think ive ever met a 'pricey present demander' in my life, in fact i have never met a 'present demander' - or maybe i have and i just choose to ignore them. People can get what they're given or indeed nothing sometimes. I never feel this kind of pressure.

@Courtney555 - but that's children and not the OP herself. That's not the same in my eyes. Do we disappear as people once we are mothers? Do we only exist through our children?
If someone bought something for my DD and not myself, I would do the same, unless it's someone like my childminder and the previous childminder where I buy presents for them - but also for their children and they only buy something for my daughter. That's a completely different relationship though.

Get your stepmum a cheap ted baker perfume / gift set from Boots. If she doesn’t buy stuff for your family she shouldn’t get anything but the bare minimum.

There's an argument for dialling it down a bit even if they're all spending the same on each other. It's still a lot.

Agree completely, that's the obvious thing to do here.

but that's children and not the OP herself. That's not the same in my eyes. Do we disappear as people once we are mothers? Do we only exist through our children?

Well it's pretty standard I'm afraid when you have children! It stops things spiralling, so the amount never exceeds (using OP as example) £50, irrespective of who it's split between. No we don't disappear as mothers

What we do, is understand that people will no longer spend £50 on us, when they now spend £50 on our DC. And we don't sulk that "I'm not getting anything, because the whole £50 goes on my children"

OP's stance is that she's miffed her childless SIL gets a nice present for herself, when OP has to sit back and watch SIL spend the exact amount on her DC. Poor OP having to let her children have the £50 spent on them.

We do secret santa in my family for the adults (I'm one of six kids!) budget of £40-£50 for your secret santa then but for hw kids x

Years back we used to sit at the Argos catalogue with a budget of £20 each and take turns circling and highlighting in different colours what we wanted. We looked wistfully at the very expensive stuff but we knew as kids we'd only get what was in budget. Lots of crossing out and recircling done as we changed our minds in the run up to Christmas!

each of your updates make you sound more of a mug. And it's all your own doing!!
So your dad has very little to do with you or your DC yet you are running after them doing as they say.
And your sil doesnt get you anything yet you are again running around getting her expensive stuff you cant afford. Muggy mug you.
Off course they will take advantage of you- you allow it. stop complaining about them when you are bringing it upon yourself.

And your sil doesnt get you anything yet you are again running around getting her expensive stuff you cant afford. Muggy mug you.

SIL gifts the exact same £50 back. OP doesn't like that this goes on her DC instead of her SIL doesn't have any DC, that's why she gets the present herself.

So your dad has very little to do with you or your DC yet you are running after them doing as they say.

We don't actually know this. OP has been very misleading. I would suspect the dad and GF get OP's DC the equivalent (just like everyone else does), that's why he feels able to request £50 for perfume for the GF and I imagine he gets a present too.

It basically boils down to three things.

1. OP has the hump that "her" gifts are now received in the form of gifts to her DC. She thinks she gets nothing, because the expensive gifts have transferred to her children now and begrudges the adults in her family who haven't had children therefore still get the gift directly themselves.

1. She can't afford the £50 on her SIL, or the £40 on her friends DC. Even though her DC receive the £90 equivalent back from both of those people. So she needs to be firmer with both and say (as she seems to only be able to operate on a give/receive like for like basis) "SIL, please only get my 3 DC a £10 gift each this year, as my budget for you can't go above £30"

1. OP gets the hump that she gets people exactly what they want but no thought goes into her or her DC's presents. That's because the others give her a list of exactly what they would like. OP doesn't do this, then gets snippy that they haven't guessed the perfect present.

I'm sorry but your post has made me angry. Just say no. Stop enabling it.
Don't do it and then you won't be angry FFS common sense!?

If you turn up with a cheap gift no one will say anything, unless they are spectacularly rude.
Even if they do, you have broken the pattern for next year.
I have always believed that the gift is not what is under the wrapping paper. It is the thought, care and love that has gone into choosing, buying and wrapping it. If you happen to like the item too, well, that's a bonus.
I have to say, that I would not really want to receive any gift that was the mix of resentment, spite and vitriol that your gifts seem to be.
Buy them all a token gift, and see if you can manage to give it with a smile. Much better for everyone, and your blood pressure will thank you