AIBU - Got Christmas shopping rage again

[BahHumbugAnus]

Every freaking year I get the rage when I have to go Christmas shopping. Today was the first day I have attempted it for this year.

I like shopping. I like shopping for my DC and people I think are deserving of a treat. It's the others where I get the absolute F'ing rage.

On the list is my Dad's GF. She has never bought my DC a gift, but I am expected to buy her one because my dad is fully emerged in her family and they buy him. Apparently she likes perfume. So that was £50.

SIL buys my DC so we have to buy her. She always gives us a list of options. She wants a set from JL beauty counter. Another £50.

I've been trying to tone down another gift but it is not working. I just had the conversation again where I said please don't buy my DC gifts, they don't need anything. Just a whopper of a selection box if you must. No, her DC loves receiving presents and looks forward to them. That is another £40 as she told me what to buy her DC.

Nieces and nephews are now having babies and I've another 4 DC to buy for. I don't mind this so much.

So, I've spent all day shopping for the above. I didn't get my DC anything as I was too busy looking for all the above. I didn't buy myself anything as I can't afford it. I never get to treat myself with perfume, JL beauty counter stuff or any luxuries, nor will I receive any at Christmas.

I know I am being a massive humbug. I've had a crap year and I have a lot of things on my plate at the moment. I have just had enough of this bullshit every year. It's never ending. I've toned Christmas down loads but am still buying massive bloody presents for about 5 people and am sick of it. On the other hand there are a few people I am really grateful to and take massive enjoyment in baking for them, wrapping up really nice, selecting a nice wine and card.

[LagunaBubbles]

few years ago I tried to tone it down on DH's side and they all cried and said something similar to Queen

Boo hoo. Sure they will live.

[Seahorseshoe]

Those are expensive gifts for sil and your dad's girlfriend. Don't ask next year and buy them a nice candle or box of fancy chocs - they can like it or lump it. I have 25 people to buy for, not including my children and husband. I'm struggling to know what to buy this year too.

[Vulpine]

£50 on your dad's gf?! Just stop doing it. Its your money. Fuck em

[EnglishRose13]

Take the perfume and beauty set back.

[littlebillie]

Wine flowers or a good book are all thoughtful gifts. Return the expensive stuff

[museumum]

Buy your dad something to share with his gf and label it for both of them - a small hamper (£50) or a luxury cinema trip voucher at the same price. That way gf is included but not costing separately. AND - surely your DAD is buying you something? Please say he is????
This is why I’m not sold on “just buy for kids” because it often leaves mums getting shit all after doing all the work. And it’s not about them “needing“ materialistic “stuff” but about feeling thought of and not being martyrs.

[Brefugee]

OP you wrote this:

A few years ago I tried to tone it down on DH's side and they all cried and said something similar to Queen. They said they don't have a lot of family and if we don't buy them nice gifts they won't get anything. Me - I get F'all off anyone. Not even a box of Aldi cheapo chocs.

say this to everyone who expects you to buy something. Also bin your dad's GF. What are you afraid of? apparently he's pretty much cut you out of his life anyway. Take the final step.

DH family? make him do it. And set a budget of 10 quid / person.

Practice saying "no".

[Isadora2007]

Keep the perfume if it’s a nice one- for yourself. What do these other people get you or your kids?
Set your budget that you can afford and are happy to spend and save the rest to treat yourself. Wrap it up nicely and put it under the tree.
You ARE worth it.

[Stillfunny]

I don't understand how these people have the gall to :

1. Demand such expensive gifts. Only Santa gets a list !
2. Not buy you in return
3. Cry !!

What is their justification for all of this ?
I could afford to spend that kind of money, but I just don't . Wouldnt really spend more than £30 on anyone.So unnecessary .

What does your DF buy his girlfriend ? Tell him he can give you the money if he wants you to do his shopping.
Your DH can tell his DSIS the heart breaking news and be there to dry her tears and comfort her.
Continue to buy for who you want and for those who exchange the favour.

[wildhairdontcare]

Think about this logically @BahHumbugAnus .

Your dad demands you spoil his gf however you have no real relationship? What is sent from your dad and his gf to your family?
Could you return the perfume and buy them a joint voucher for a meal?

Your SIL is an adult I assume. No kids? Yet you buy extravagant gifts to compensate for her buying her own nieces and nephews??? Giving a gift as an aunt is a joy. If she does not wish to do so that's fine. However stop adult gifts regardless.

[cakeandchampagne]

Most of your money & time should be for you & your DC.
Cards/candles/candy for everybody else.

[Ticklemeelmo]

SIL buys my DC so we have to buy her. She always gives us a list of options. She wants a set from JL beauty counter. Another £50.

I've been trying to tone down another gift but it is not working. I just had the conversation again where I said please don't buy my DC gifts, they don't need anything. Just a whopper of a selection box if you must. No, her DC loves receiving presents and looks forward to them. That is another £40 as she told me what to buy her DC.

If I'm reading the rest of your post correctly, you personally don't get any present from her, only for your kids? Seems insane to be buying both for her and her children in that case when that isn't reciprocated. Why on earth would she be upset at not receiving a gift when she doesn't buy you one?

[TheoriginalLEM]

Grown adults crying because they don't get any presents from extended family?? Fuck me

[Chickychickydodah]

I save throughout the year with Asda Card and a online Offer that gives you vouchers for most high street shops

[Doubleraspberry]

Who ARE these people who cry over presents? Although I shouldn’t speak because one year I got no Christmas presents at all and I did cry. It was a pretty horrible experience but I spent Christmas alone and thoroughly miserable.

We don’t have a big family but we buy presents for each other and the kids and that’s plenty. My in-laws do presents with us but it’s only four other people so not too bad, and mostly token. I have an Amazon wish list full of paperback books as none of them can ever think what to buy and gratefully pick a book off that list every year!

OP, please return or keep those gifts and scale down. How a soap in the perfume range (usually about £10)? And a much cheaper gift set for SiL?

[Kahlua4me]

Ticklemeelmo I was trying to figure that out too! Seems crazy to but for her if it’s not reciprocated. We shouldn’t give to receive as such but it’s incredibly rude to tell someone what they should buy you and not get you anything in return.

BarHumbugAnus You need to just stop buying these presents on demand for people who obviously don’t see it both ways. Take those presents back and get them something much smaller, like a scented candle etc for half the price. You could get vouchers for older children as they will enjoy spending them in the sales, and will save you heaps of time.

[Postmanbear]

This thread is so frustrating as you feel sorry for yourself but the only person who can change it is you!
It’s 6 weeks to go so message everyone now saying we are not doing gifts this year and don’t expect anything in return. Job done, stress over.

[BackwardsGoing]

Just say no OP. Let your DH deal with the fall out from his family and ignore your dad. I don't even spend £50 on my own mum and I luffs her.

[scubadive]

£50 for perfume, you can get a nice small bottle for £20 if you seek out offers. You seem to be spending a lot, ignore lists and buy a nice gift you like for £20 for everyone.

[SomewhereInbetween1]

Back bone OP. Just say no. £50 is a ridiculous amount to spend on someone who you don't even like, and letting people dictate what you get them because otherwise they wouldn't get anything nice is cheeky AF! if they wanted something nice that bad, they should buy something for themselves the bastards.

[Tattooedmama]

So you spend £50 on your dads girlfriend but your siblings get nothing? Thats odd

[FadingStar]

If the kids from Grange Hill can just say no, so can you OP. Don't be anyone's fool. You're better than that.

[OoohRhubarbLetsGo]

So who gets a present for you ?

[draughtycatflap]

I think you should treat yourself to your own gift. Stand in front of the mirror each day and practice saying NO to cheeky fuckers.

[Lana1234]

Hope you kept the receipts for those expensive gifts. Return them and tell your dads GF and whoever you aren’t doing presents this year and expect nothing in return, not that they get you anything anyway. Sorted.