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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

if i take our dcs to a wedding reception when officially it's no kids?

198 replies

happyhat · 15/08/2007 14:59

we're only invited to the evening do, it's miles away and i'm b/feeding ds who's only 3 months old. ds is 2.5 years. i'm thinking they'll sleep in buggies in a corner?

OP posts:

Meeely2 · 15/08/2007 15:36

happyhat, in light of what you've said, call one more time and say you will be bringing bf one and leaving 2.5yo home with sitter. So at least they know.

doggiesayswoof · 15/08/2007 15:36

Going from your latest post, I would take the baby but not the older one.

HonoriaGlossop · 15/08/2007 15:37

They do sound a bit lukewarm about it. Saying it was "up to you" is not exactly fulsome, is it? If this was me I would have been saying "of COURSE you must bring your baby" at the very least.

I think reading between the lines that they are just being polite but would prefer no kids.

Tortington · 15/08/2007 15:39

go sans kids
or refuse the invitation

not one kid

not two kids

not the evil twin in the attic who hasn't seen daylight for 16 years

ThingOne · 15/08/2007 15:39

Will you be staying over? We're going to a wedding in November and I have booked my mum to come with us to babysit, so that the boys are away from us as short a time as possible. Cost to us is mum's hotel bill vs not been able to go at all.

Hulababy · 15/08/2007 15:40

Based on your reply from them I would take baby but not toddler. Let toddler have an exciting adventure at grandparent's house. And then call bride to say just bring baby if still okay, again givign reason why you can't leave. Gives bride another chance to object if she really doesn't want baby there.

portonovo · 15/08/2007 15:40

Unreasonable I'm afraid. You either go without kids or don't go. I'd be tempted to do the latter myself. But bad manners just to turn up with kids.

Troutpout · 15/08/2007 15:41

I'd stay at home tbh...they would probably be annoyed. It's probably only the closest family children who are allowed to go.
I am with oliveoil on this on though...weddings without kids are a little...

ThingOne · 15/08/2007 15:41

Red Fraggle - I know lots of babies who haven't taken a bottle. I'm more surprised when I hear of people who have no problems.

oliveoil · 15/08/2007 15:41

from what you have put there happyhat, they are saying 'it is up to you' when really they mean 'oh I hope she doesn't bring them'

gscrym · 15/08/2007 15:42

You mentioned your mum was your only babysitting option. Could you ask your mum if she could come along and stay at hotel with little ones while you go to wedding. It would be a big ask but that way, you go to the wedding, still manage to breastfeed little teeny and can see your other LO as well.

I had a similar situation when my cousin was getting hitched. Any babysitters I'd have used were at the wedding or on holiday. asked him if it was okay to bring DS but also made it clear it would be more than okay if he said no. He said yes.

It would be unreasonable to take LOs along if your friend has said no kids. It's her wedding so you have to respect it.

morningpaper · 15/08/2007 15:42

DON'T GO

IT will be stuffy and depressing and everyone will TUT loudly at your children and make you feel guilty and sad

Stay at home and raise a toast to the happy couple and cackle madly when she gets knocked up in a year or so

Meeely2 · 15/08/2007 15:43

"so that the boys are away from us as short a time as possible"

This made me LARF! I make sure i get rid of mine for as LONG as possibly, but then i am post natal and prone to phases of irrational thought!

ProfYaffle · 15/08/2007 15:43

I had a similar dilemma, we spoke to the B&G and asked if we could bring our bf 4 mo (I can't express and mine have never taken bottles, stubborn gits!) they were fine with that, we left our 3yo with pil and didn't stay for the evening do.

Original poster

happyhat · 15/08/2007 15:44

will have to stay over but taking my mum would be bad idea for oh so many reasons ...
think i'll talk to them again - you know how stressful organising a wedding is, i just haven't wanted to add to the stress by bugging them with this sort of thing. thanks for comments - even though i feel a bit like a crazy unreasonable woman for even asking now!

OP posts:

ThingOne · 15/08/2007 15:46

Sorry meely2 - didn't mean to sound like a sainted mummy. I'm obviously desperate enough for a child-free night out to pay for my mother's hotel room for a night .

Smaller boy is still breastfed.

gscrym · 15/08/2007 15:46

Just read your mum is 100 miles away. Could she come stay over with you for the weekend?

katierocket · 15/08/2007 15:47

Think Blu sums it up well.

Sounds like B&G are being a bit obtuse by saying it's up to you - that seems to imply "we don't want them there but we're not willing to be seen as meanies so won't explicitly say that".

they sound a bit dour faced to me

katierocket · 15/08/2007 15:48

LOL at MP

furrycat · 15/08/2007 15:50

we had no chidlren rule at our wedding, except for family but a friend was breastfeeding and asked if she could bring her lo and we didn't mind at all. We just didn't want hoardes of kids taking over the day

Pinkveto · 15/08/2007 15:53

Took my 7 week old to a posh london no kids wedding (exception made as we are family - I think the grooms arm was twisted as we had made it clear that without baby we wouldnt be there to other family members as exclusively BF).

Felt like a circus side show.

Baby got possibly more attention than the bride.

Absolutely no facilities whatsoever, anywhere, at any part of the do - really something to bear in mind, no children can mean not so much as a changing table at the venues, and you will get no sympathy or assistance in this circumstances in my experience.

Original poster

happyhat · 15/08/2007 15:54

poor b&g coming over as nightmare dullards with no compassion for people with children! ... they are v nice really and it will be fun - that's why we want to find a way of going!

OP posts:

FloriaTosca · 15/08/2007 15:56

YABU

It might be a matter of numbers...the venue for my wedding stipulated 250 because of fire regulations (and that was the only venue with 15 miles of the church that could accomodate that many)..strictly no more..not even a babe in arms..There would have been 50 under 16s on my side of the family alone so none of our friends would have been able to come...needless to say we had to have a no kids policy...I felt awful for the cousin who couldn't get a baby sitter but she bore no grudges....oh, and yes, they counted us in!!!!

Easywriter · 15/08/2007 15:57

Maybe you could get away with the bf babe (so long as you check it's OK first) but not the toddler.

Sorry YABU.

Original poster

happyhat · 15/08/2007 16:00

ok ok ...

OP posts:

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