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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

if i take our dcs to a wedding reception when officially it's no kids?

198 replies

happyhat · 15/08/2007 14:59

we're only invited to the evening do, it's miles away and i'm b/feeding ds who's only 3 months old. ds is 2.5 years. i'm thinking they'll sleep in buggies in a corner?

OP posts:
Ulysees · 15/08/2007 15:14

YABU

gess · 15/08/2007 15:15

Agree with Olive that no children weddings are freako ones, but you can't take them if it says no children. If I was up for a childfree night & culd find a babysitter I'd go and enjoy a childfree night, but if that was too much hassle I'd use the children as a very convenient excuse.

RedFraggle · 15/08/2007 15:17

Unreasonable - their wedding, their choice. We had no kids at our wedding and I would have been mighty cheesed off if someone had brought them against our request.

I also totally respect my friends wishes now. So when my friend invited me to her wedding and said " sorry, no kids" I said no problem and got a babysitter.
If it is only the evening do then surely you can express before going?

expatinscotland · 15/08/2007 15:18

YABU.

FioFio · 15/08/2007 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

snowwonder · 15/08/2007 15:20

i think you have to repect there wishes.

i hate this if they are planning on kids they will realise how difficult it is for people with kids....

marriage is normally the start of family life which normally involves kids

but not in all cases.... maybe they dont like children

LIZS · 15/08/2007 15:20

Not unreasonable if you are b'feeding an infant to ask but not toddler take too I'm afraid. How much notice is it ? Would you be able to plan ahead for baby too ? Accept on their terms or not at all.

FioFio · 15/08/2007 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HonoriaGlossop · 15/08/2007 15:21

YABU if you take them.

YANBU to refuse the invitation, though. Just say that as it's childfree, and you have kids, one of whom is BFing, it makes it impossible for you to attend.

bosslady · 15/08/2007 15:23

i dont see the problem with them saying no children allowed its their day and they are entitled to it how they want why are they being called freaks?

doggiesayswoof · 15/08/2007 15:26

YABU.

I would decline the invitation and say why.

RedFraggle · 15/08/2007 15:26

Ah FioFio, you laugh but when I got married if we could have afforded a warner / sandals type honeymoon, we would have! There is nothing worse than other peoples children when you don't have kids yourself...
I love my children, but I never force them on people who don't want them at an event. also, who is to say the bride and groom want children in the future? I know several people who deliberately never did have them.

ThingOne · 15/08/2007 15:29

YABU to take them, although I would ask about the baby.

Bit stunned at all these people who think you can rely on the baby to take a bottle of expressed milk. Mine never did!

funnypeculiar · 15/08/2007 15:30

Ring and explain why you aren't coming.
If they've decided no kids, you can't just take em.
Obviously.

RedFraggle · 15/08/2007 15:30

Why stunned ThingOne? Both of mine had no problems taking the odd bottle - didn't realise it was any bother.

Hulababy · 15/08/2007 15:31

I wouldn't just turn up with children to a child free wedding.

Re. the baby I would enquire as to whether it was okay to bring baby, stating my reasons. If they said no then I wouldn't take baby.

If it was miles away, only evening bit and child care was a pain/not possible.didn't want to leave children - I would just say we couldn't make it and not go.

Hulababy · 15/08/2007 15:32

I can understand about the no bottle thing. I know of at least two babies who would not take a bottle at all, regardless of what was inside it.

donnie · 15/08/2007 15:32

you should not take them.

Original poster
happyhat · 15/08/2007 15:34

oh dear! should point out that there was no 'no kids' specified on the invitation, they just weren't mentioned and subsequently, having asked, we were told it was officially (but not explicitly, if you see what i mean) the case. can't express enough to leave her 24hrs and 100 miles away at my mum's (only real option), or at least would rather not do so. ds did sleep in a corner at the last wedding we took him to not long ago. we love the bride and groom and really want to make it to their wedding! we asked and explained probs and they did say it was up to us rather than saying no but i'm worried that was just to be nice, and agree with comments about other parents not having taken their kids along being upset. what if we just take little b/fed one?

OP posts:
oliveoil · 15/08/2007 15:34

(neither of mine wanted a bottle until about 5 months, and not from want of trying let me tell you)

I think that weddings are to celebrate two families joining together so to exclude a large chunk of the family (ie children) is odd imo

mare · 15/08/2007 15:34

Not freaks - just no kids yet, so no idea!!
At our wedding we did invite kids. we invited one couple with their two little kids but not the teenage 'step kids' who didn't live with couple anyway. Friend called to request invites for older kids too as 'we go as a family or not at all' in a stroppy tone. I thought this was pretty rude as I then felt obliged to invites the older ones who wanted adult meals and so then couldn't invite some other people i would have liked to as we were on a tight budget!

Pisses me off even now as I write about it! Felt like uninviting the lot of them.

Meeely2 · 15/08/2007 15:34

happyhat, me thinks your answer is pretty clear!

fryalot · 15/08/2007 15:34

Why don't you ring them and explain that whilst you would love to come, you really can't leave the children - and give your reasons so they don't think you're being precious.

If they say "oh, well, that's a pity but see you soon" then they really don't want the kids there.
However, if they say "oh, don't worry about it, bring them along" then you're laughing!

This happened to us a little while ago, but before I had had a chance to do my phone call bit, they rang us and said that they realised it may be difficult for us to get there without the children and we were welcome to take them.

(Unfortunately, the car wouldn't start so we didn't end up going after all, but you get the gist)

Really really wouldn't go with them without getting confirmation that it was ok with the bride and groom.

Bluestocking · 15/08/2007 15:36

OMG Fio! I was unaware of Warner - how adultastic!

dejags · 15/08/2007 15:36

YABU about taking a toddler.

I am sure the bride wouldn't mind a baby (as long as the baby isn't too colicky and prone to crying).

Please don't just arrive with the children in tow. It would be very unkind of you not to respect their wishes.