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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

if i take our dcs to a wedding reception when officially it's no kids?

198 replies

happyhat · 15/08/2007 14:59

we're only invited to the evening do, it's miles away and i'm b/feeding ds who's only 3 months old. ds is 2.5 years. i'm thinking they'll sleep in buggies in a corner?

OP posts:

ledodgy · 16/08/2007 09:11

If you can't go without the children don't go. It would be rude to take them when it has been specified not to. You're only invited to the evening do anyway they know you live miles away and have young children so they shouldn't be too put out.

lucyellensmum · 16/08/2007 09:12

yeah and thats another thing that winds me up - gift lists, bloody cheek!

cluelessnchaos · 16/08/2007 09:19

We were in this situation a few years ago, so we called the groom and said sorry cant get a babysitter so we cant come, left it at that. We then got a call the next day saying of course the children were invited and would we like to be booked into the hotel. Dont think they are being arsey not having kids, we didnt cos it cost an arm and a leg per head and we figured people might like to come without them or would let us know if there was an issue and we would tell them to bring them along.

lucyellensmum · 16/08/2007 09:20

oliveoil, you were wrong about the post numbers, hmmmmm, how can i turn this into a hornets nest, i have to work later and i'll have time to kill....[evil laughter]

DaisyMOO · 16/08/2007 09:54

When we got married, one of dh's cousins (whom dh hadn't seen in about 5 years) asked if he could bring his 17 year old girlfriend. We said no, sorry, there wasn't space. Well bugger me if she didn't turn up anyway! They ignored the seating plan and just grabbed an extra chair from another table and made everyone budge up. I was really pissed off, but what could I do?

lucyellensmum · 16/08/2007 11:19

That would piss me off too Daisy moo!

But then, i can't be doing with social gatherings at the best of times. Cos im a miserable old cow!

madamez · 16/08/2007 13:17

INteresting how some peole seem to think that anyone who's planning, hosting and paying for an event has some kind of obligation to accomodate every little quirk of every distant acquaintance, or the hosts are being 'precious' or 'stuck-up' or'mean'.

And generally, the sort of peole who insist on taking their kids everywhere have f* vile kids that won't sit down or shut up ever and their parents just go @oh he/she's so advanced*' as the little sod barges up to tell you that you smell or to nick your pint....

NKF · 16/08/2007 13:23

Why would you think it might be okay to take children when they've said it's an adult only reception?

shergar · 16/08/2007 13:26

We had a no kids wedding (it was held in the place where we met, and as every corner was full of very delicate and highly breakable things we really had no choice!) but had no problem at all with the one breastfeeding baby who came with his mother. Of course a breastfeeding tiny is fine.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 16/08/2007 16:32

at your DH's cousin DaisyMOO!

ravenAK · 16/08/2007 16:46

Not a wedding, but we had a big party last year (all afternoon & into the night). We said 'no kids after 9pm, please' (we have friends with more kids than sense who would otherwise have had toddlers rampaging round the bonfire & into the neighbouring woods until 3am).

Then my best mate (visiting from 200 miles away) brought her bf baby. Which was of course fine. As it happened, baby was in travel cot zzzzing by 10pm, but it wouldn't've been any bother had it decided to party all night.

SO friends with the toddler horde & no sense moaned that we'd made them book a sitter when 'we could've brought them, X brought her kid!'

Anyway - maybe that's one reason why your friends have said 'no kids' - it's just easier than letting babies come & then having Cousin Wotsit grumble that she couldn't bring her children.

I'd just not go tbh...

motherinferior · 16/08/2007 16:48

JUST DON'T GO.

It's a wedding, ffs. Give yourselves a break. Get drunk in the privacy of your own home, if you prefer. Dance on your own tables. Reserve time, energy and money for occasions that are actually enjoyable.

lucyellensmum · 16/08/2007 16:54

motherinferior, i really really like you [stalking emoticon]

Kewcumber · 16/08/2007 16:58

but this is not a no-kids wedding (necessarily) it's a no kids party in teh evening which I don't think is that unreasonable. I also think that those of you who say no-kids weddings are dull, dour (can't remember all the descriptions) are being highly unfair. I have been to nightmare weddings where parents left their children running around and screaming during the vows and I'll bet every person there who wasn't a parent thought "oh god I must never have kids at my wedding".

At sister and brothers wedding it was no kids except very close family because otherwise it would have been more like a creche than a wedding. Personally not terribly keen on chidlren other than my own .

For evening receptions I would think they were more worried about toddlers running around whilst they're trying to get pissed than a baby. I think you could realistically take the baby if you agreed it with them first and promised you would take the baby out if he/she was crying.

motherinferior · 16/08/2007 17:02

The difference - well, one of them, don't get me started on weddings - is that you're supposedly under some sort of obligation to go and toast the Bridezilla and Groompire. If I have a party and - by some miracle of social engineering which remains entirely theoretical - manage to offload the fruit of my loins onto someone else, I accept that some people I invite won't turn up. It may be inconvenient for them, they may have something else arranged, they may not fancy dealing with the public transport to get to Sarfeast Lunnon, or they may secretly hate me. I take this on my chin, I get drunk with the people who did turn up, and I get on with it. Weddings Are Different. One is expected to go. And tell some bird in a meringue how glowing she is. Et sodding cetera.

MrsCellophane · 16/08/2007 17:23

Evening do = present collecting party IMO.
Don't bother going. (Yes YABU - at least only take the baby - the bf reason doesn't extend to your toddler!)

pagwatch · 16/08/2007 17:24

We were invited to a wedding on boxing day a few years back and they said no kids - so we said ok then we can't come. We then got a call saying if we must bring our son....if we must.... so we turned up at the reception and DS ran across the room to hug bride groom but misjudged it and head-butted him really hard in the balls.
they really should have stuck to their guns.

lucyellensmum · 16/08/2007 17:29

LEM fawns simperingly at motherinferiours forthright feet!

Scotia · 16/08/2007 17:57

Motherinferior, I don't get the 'expected to go' idea. It's an invitation, not a summons.

MrsCellophane · 16/08/2007 18:25

LOL Motherinferior. One of the guests at my wedding got over the "telling some bird in a meringue......." idea by saying to me " You look lovely - but then again, all brides do". Mmmm. Was a slap in the face (which wouldn't have hurt so much if I was summat to look at) but what made it worse, was that I was upstaged by his gorgeous girlfriend, whom everyone was asking about!

Kewcumber · 16/08/2007 20:06

pmsl pagwatch

aloha · 16/08/2007 20:16

I would NEVER go to an event like the OP describes. I hate evening do only invites for a start, and would never waste a night out on one, esp miles away. What IS the point? Weddings can be lovely. You've have really enjoyed mine, MI, and Inferiorettes would have had an absolute ball in the Fairy Wood while you lay in the sun drinking champagne, BUT this isn't a wedding, it's just a grim sounding party. Just saend a pretty card and says, 'oh, how LOVELY of you to invite me, but it's just not possible. I hope you have a fabulous time.'
They won't be bothered. It's not like they are expecting you to be an usher or anything. YOu can't take the kids, adn frankly, do you want to?

motherinferior · 16/08/2007 20:25

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