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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

if i take our dcs to a wedding reception when officially it's no kids?

198 replies

happyhat · 15/08/2007 14:59

we're only invited to the evening do, it's miles away and i'm b/feeding ds who's only 3 months old. ds is 2.5 years. i'm thinking they'll sleep in buggies in a corner?

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 15/08/2007 21:09

i do not think the bride is a brat for not wanting children at the evening reception, but isnt it a bit mean to ask someone to the evening do knowing they have young babies. I would take it personally and not go. I think it is lovely to watch children dancing around to naff music at the begining of a wedding reception, but do think that they should not be a the evening bash.

Maybe the bride has a particular group of obnoxious children she doesnt want there and the only way she can prevent their presence is to have a kiddy ban, just a thought.

Gobbledigook · 15/08/2007 21:19

It's not mean - maybe they would be glad of a night out, could use a babysitter. Meaner to assume they wouldn't come because they have children and then just not invite them at all!!

lucyellensmum · 15/08/2007 21:29

dont mind me, im just bitter and twisted, i hate wedding receptions cos DP wont marry me!

Bouquetsofdynomite · 15/08/2007 21:35

Don't go, spend half the money you would have spent on a day out somewhere special for your family. They will understand when they have kids and one day when she is bitching to you about someone who's done the same thing to her and her PFB you can look her in the eye and raise an eyebrow, the bigger woman.

Spidermama · 15/08/2007 21:38

I think bf-ing babies are different. They are literally inseparable from their mums two are still as one. Besides, they're extremely portable at this age.

I'd just phone the bride if I were you to say, 'I'll have to bring baby because I'm breastfeeding' and if she's sniffy, stay at home.

Bouquetsofdynomite · 15/08/2007 21:40

Just noticed it's only the evening do - def don't go. Is it worth forking out for accommodation, new outfit and gift for someone who's only invited you to their evening do? They won't even notice if you are there or not by then.

Genidef · 15/08/2007 22:58

I haven't read all the posts, I confess, but don't bring the kids. Being pedantic, people who are invited should go, those who are not should stay away. Chances are your 2.5 year old will decide not sleep at all and boogie away on the dance floor.

I don't do evening do's, I think they're crap, and as you're friends will know you've just had a baby and it's inconvenient for you, I think they are being unreasonable. Please don't bother to go.

And if they've sent you a gift list in the invite...... well, I hope you know what to do with that.

Blu · 15/08/2007 23:12

Those of you calling 'bridezilla' - if a friend invited you to some other kind of evening party - a big work dinner and dance, say, (do they still have those? My parents used to go to Dinner Dances...)or a 30th birthday gathering in a cocktail bar, or at thier house, would you assume that it was ok to take your toddler along? Would you be miffed if your child wasn't invited?

gess · 15/08/2007 23:14

nah l but I wouldn't take the kids to a wedding evening do either. I do find weddings with a ban on children weird though. Family etc etc. Bridezilla to not invite definitely.

Hulababy · 15/08/2007 23:15

Blu - mo I wouldn't. But I also wouldn't expect to take a child to an adults only wedding either, although may query about asuch a young baby. I do thing weddings are different though, as they are generally family occasions.

I personally don't like adult only weddings. Of all the weddings I have been to - which is tons as I have a big family - the least fun where those without children (both before and since having my own child).

Emprexia · 15/08/2007 23:20

Personally, i wouldn't go.

IF the kids aren't mentioned on an invite, they aren't invited.

What i would do however, is wait til BF baby is a bit older and arrange to go see the couple and perhaps take them out to dinner as a late celebration.


We're in Shropshire and two of our friends got married in Bristol, simply because it was such a long drive and a long day, DH and I decided it wasn't fair on 10mo DS and have done exactly what i suggested with the couple.
VeniVidiVickiQV · 16/08/2007 00:05

ooooh no - children very welcome - especially yours hunker

(After mine, of course )

But, if folk dont want to bring their children, i fully support them

LieselVentouse · 16/08/2007 00:06

I had a no kids wedding and it was a blast - no chicken nuggets on the menu and no kids skidding across the dance floor

LieselVentouse · 16/08/2007 00:07

I still havent received my invite VVQV - do you want me to send my address again?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 16/08/2007 00:20

No-one has received an invite yet......

hunkermunker · 16/08/2007 01:09

All right, all right, I'm making 'em as quick as I can!

sallystrawberry · 16/08/2007 01:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dal21 · 16/08/2007 08:10

Only read the OP, but YABU if you take your LO (even if it is just the one you are BF). Have no idea why some people are calling the bride a freak over the no kids thing. Their day, their choice so any guest who chooses to attend has to abide by their wishes.

HandbagAddiction · 16/08/2007 08:24

I think you're being unreasinable to expect to be able to take your toddler if it is a 'no children' wedding. However, there is no way I would expect an exclusively breastfed baby to be excluded. If they really want you to be there then they have to understand that the breastfed baby comes too!

I can completely understand how not only the B&G but also the other guests may be a bit peeved if a toddler were to turn up and everyone else had left their children at home. This happened to us a couple of years ago. We were invited to a supposed child free wedding - caused a few issues for us as it was 60 miles from home and all our close friends - with whom we would have normally left our dd at the time, were also invited. We finally managed to persuade MIL to look after dd overnight in order to allow us to go. I was then really p**d off that having had to leave my dd with my MIL, I then had to spend the entire reception dinner sharing a table with another couple's (who we did not know) 3 kids. Now maybe I'm being unreasinable here, but if I've had to leave my children at home, I really don't want to have to share a large part of the day with somebody elses....particular when the whole event was supposed to be child free?!

Hope you manage to work something out though so that you can attend.

motherinferior · 16/08/2007 08:27

I wouldn't waste a babysitter on someone else's bleedin' wedding. In fact, I think you should tot up all the sodding wedding would cost you and, as you're BFing, blow the money on a damn good meal out, taking the baby.

PippiLangstrump · 16/08/2007 08:28

unreasonable. without a doubt.

(I'd ask about the baby)

DaisyMOO · 16/08/2007 08:41

I like motherinferior's idea! (But otherwise, yes, I would take the baby but not the toddler) I took ds3 to my husband's christmas-do one year cos he was really tiny. We got so much attention I felt like a celebrity

Blu · 16/08/2007 08:48

Yes, in reality I'm a cumudgeonly old bat about weddings. Though I have enjoyed a fair few of the celebrations in the past. I think I would enjoy either a an 'all muck-in' multi-generational afternoon reception, or a good old wild night time party, no kids included, especially one that might interrupt me with 'Mummy...mummy'.

happyhat - if you would enjoy an evening party, go with the baby, if not, proceed a la MI. She's rarely wrong.

pagwatch · 16/08/2007 08:57

YOU can't take your child when they haven't been invited. I would ask about a b/f baby but to be honest a wedding day is for the couple and every one else should either do as they are asked or not go.
18 years ago and i can still remember the total knobs that wanted to bring new girlfriend or wanted to sit somewhere else or wanted sisters nephew because he was visiting. We had scrapped together for months and a group of hangers on just wanted a free meal.
There may be reasons why kids are not invited. But if my kids are not invited I just politely decline. Frankly why people want togo when it not a close friend or relative I never really understand - and if it is a close friend or relative then this converstaion is very easy to have with them.
Looking forward to my next big anniversary and i am grown up enough now ( !) and will only have the people I care about to a nice big party.

lucyellensmum · 16/08/2007 09:10

motherinferior, you sum up my thoughts so well - its scary . Bridezilla sums this woman up quite well, if it were me* i would have the/ afternoon for the kiddies and evenings for the adults, but perhaps the pretentious mare wants to be all sophisticated - bluuueeegghhhh, all that standing around making small talk, seating plans and being nice to people you can't abide. Bugger that, blow their present money (insisting to DP of course that you WERE going to buy the most expensive thing on their poxy wedding gift list) on a lavish night out for you and your man.