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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

if i take our dcs to a wedding reception when officially it's no kids?

198 replies

happyhat · 15/08/2007 14:59

we're only invited to the evening do, it's miles away and i'm b/feeding ds who's only 3 months old. ds is 2.5 years. i'm thinking they'll sleep in buggies in a corner?

OP posts:

ntsmum · 15/08/2007 16:53

sorry, but I'd be if we'd specified no kids and people turned up with them

RedFraggle · 15/08/2007 16:55

FioFio, I got married in church! Don't see what that has to do with it tbh. Anyone could come to the church but we were paying for the "do" and didn't want kids there - end of story. Our money, our wedding, our decision. I know a lot of people who feel this way - it is by no means an odd request to make as far as I am aware.

The situation was that none of our friends or immediate family had children. Some of my cousins did but I don't see them much and did not want them there.

Mungarra · 15/08/2007 16:57

I think it's unreasonable of them to expect a woman to leave a three month old (especially a breastfed one) in order to attend a wedding.

It's their right not to invite children, but it's also your right to decline the invitation.

I just wouldn't go, especially as you've only been invited to the evening part of the wedding. Weddings tend to be much of a muchness anyway.

Pinkchampagne · 15/08/2007 16:59

If they have specified they don't want children, then I think it would be rude to go against their wishes and just turn up with them.
I left my then 3 month old DS with a friend while my own sister got married because they did not want children at the wedding. it was their day, their wishes, so fair enough.
I wasn't breastfeeding though, so it would be worth giving them a call to see what they say. I definitely wouldn't just turn up with them if I were you.

kslatts · 15/08/2007 17:09

YABU. You either need to decline the invitation or go without your dc's. I don't think you should call the bride or groom and ask as it puts them in a difficult position, they obviously don't want children at their wedding or they would have invited them.

MaloryTowersHasManners · 15/08/2007 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greensleeves · 15/08/2007 17:22

God how I hate all this "their day" shit. It's NOT their day. You can't own a day fgs. They're bloody lucky they have friends who are keen to cart their small children across country to turn up and celebrate their wedding with them. There's something very spoilt-bratty about all this "it's MY day, everybody will jump through MY hoops or they Can't Come To My Party".

gess · 15/08/2007 17:23

No children weddings are often inhabited by bridezilla's anyway. Have a night at home, have a tiny glass of wine (or whatever you allow yourself when bfeeding), and enjoy the peace and quiet and not having to socialise.

I'm with fio- the words mark warner bring me out in hives.

LowFatPumpkinJuice · 15/08/2007 17:24

Some hope here.

My BF was throwing a surprise party for her DH and said no kids.

But DS was only 4 months and I was'nt prepared to leave him with her arranged babysitters (although I did leave DD who was 3 at the time and could fend for herself with the help of older children.) And had no one I could ask other than BF - who was having the party.

So DS was allowed and he slept through the whole thing and I had loads of lovely remarks about how good he was

My BF was desperate for us to be at the party and I said I did'nt want to go if I had to leave DS with anyone. I would ask the bride and groom first and tell them if DC's can't go neither can you. Although dont make it sound like an ultimatum.

Bear in mind if you're not family or close family it's likely they'll just say what a shame, because I doubt you'll be the only one with this problem.

I could only have limited numbers at my wedding and ivitited cousins children who I knew - others took offence, and step cousin (age 17) not being invited nearly prevent my uncle (step father) from giving me away.
But if I could;nt have all my own cousins I certainly was'nt about to invite her!

gess · 15/08/2007 17:24

yeah agree with Greensleeves. Child free wedding? you can guarantee its chez bridezilla bleating on about her special day (vom double vom).

MaloryTowersHasManners · 15/08/2007 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LowFatPumpkinJuice · 15/08/2007 17:26

Whoops my uncle is not my stepfather how bad does that look! He was the step father of the step cousin. - Just to clear that up.

Gobbledigook · 15/08/2007 17:30

I'd be well pissed off if you turned up to my wedding and I'd asked for no children - that is way out of order

MaloryTowersHasManners · 15/08/2007 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sophieandbelly · 15/08/2007 17:45

i would be pissed off if it was my wedding plus not fair on all the other guests who did respect your friends wishes!
if you feel strongly that your kids should have been included then dont go!

mosschops30 · 15/08/2007 17:51

unreasonable. I'd be seriously pissed off if that was my wedding, I'd rather you didnt come than ignore my wishes.

mm22bys · 15/08/2007 17:54

Unreasonable, definitely.

Either don't go, or express - have some drinks, let your hair down, and enjoy yourself!

clutteredup · 15/08/2007 17:57

i imagine your friend doesn't have children so doesn't understand the BF situation but hoped you'd be able tocome and enjoy her day. if you can't leave the dc with someone you'll have to stay at home. a wedding is on the bride's terms ( oh and sometimes the groom's ) but always on their terms and you'll just have to respect them or not go.
we are going to my dh's cousins wedding, originally it was going to be no children and now we have been asked to bring the dc afterall. i would rather have nothad to have them with us as it means that i will have to look after them all the time while everyone else enjoys themselves and go home early with them when they get tetchy, i'd rather stay at home with them TBH!

Scotia · 15/08/2007 18:11

It's their party. They are paying. They should be able to decide who they invite and who they don't.

Maybe it's an over 18s venue. Maybe they are limited in numbers due to fire regulations. Maybe they have a lot children in their respective families and don't have the room for all of them AND all their friends' children.

I can understand you wanting to take the baby, and I would ask if it was possible to bring him, but I would get a babysitter for my toddler.

indiasmum · 15/08/2007 18:15

i was invited to a (then ) good friend of mines wedding. they specified no children. at all. i had 2 kids at the time and was pg. by the time wedding came i had a 2 month old baby. she knew this obv when i was invited. i asked her if we could just broing dd (baby) and she said it wouldnt be fair. she suggested leaving her at home, going to wedding, going home 40 miles to feed her, then come back for the reception before going home again to feed. needless to say she didnt have kids and clearly had no idea. so it was never mentioned again, we never recieved the formal invitation and in fact never spoke or heard from her again. goes to show how much our friendship meant! if i were you i def wouldnt take the toddler but would try and explain about bf baby who is likely to feed and sleep. its not like its the church service or even at the sit down meal with speeches. if she isnt willing to budge, persnally i dont think i would bother going. are you that great friends if you are only being invited to evening do anyway?
back to question, sorry, yabu just turning up imho with the kids. ask and explain first and if the answer isnt what you want be prepared that you might lose a friend or find a sitter! hth

indiasmum · 15/08/2007 18:17

oops sorry that was loooonnnnng

Lorayn · 15/08/2007 18:21

I'd like to think that on my wedding day people would respect my wishes, I would be fine with a bf baby coming along, but thats where it would end. Do you really want your tow year old to be the only child in a room full of drunk, loud adults, getting (probably) very merry?
I know my 2yo would run riot and I'd wish I had left him at home anyway!!

Lorayn · 15/08/2007 18:21

two year old not tow, although I do feel like I just tow mine along sometimes!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 15/08/2007 18:40

It's not odd, one way or the other.

It's a decision made, amongst hundreds of other ones by brides (and grooms) to be.

Neither is right or wrong. What is wrong is to disrespect someones wishes, because they "dont own the day", "they are being precious", "they should appreciate their friends" etc.

If folk are paying for it, its their rules (and as someone else pointed out - often the rules of the venue).

Gobbledigook · 15/08/2007 18:42

God, isn't it a marvellous opportunity to get someone to babysit and go and relax yourself?!

A child free wedding is a blardy blessing imo!

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