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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband and female French tutor. Is this suspicious or OK?

205 replies

Afternoonlemonandhoney · 07/10/2019 23:44

What level of contact are you happy with...?
Aibu or have reason to worry?
They meet a couple of hours a week for the lessons (on a one to one basis) There is nothing particularly incriminating.
He looks like enjoying her classes a lot but there's every chance it's perfectly innocent. I have had this type of relationship with a few male colleagues in the past.
I met her once only by chance and she is very pretty! He has her email address but also her WhatsApp.
We've been together for more than 10 years, 1 kid. Things are ok between us as far as I'm aware.
Perhaps I'm just jealous of her and their meetings about his new challenge/hobby of learning French. We have a cottage in France and visit there frequently.

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 07/10/2019 23:49

Ask to join the WhatsApp group and see what his reaction is. Or accompany him to the lessons.

LaPeste · 07/10/2019 23:56

There’s a good chance he finds it exciting, because she’s a French teacher. But it doesn’t mean he’ll do anything

CatSmize · 08/10/2019 00:02

Absolutely nothing suspicious there. My main contact with all my adult students is via Whatsapp and email. If one of my students' wives started coming to his lessons with him or wanted to join our Whatsapp chats (which consist of "I'm going to be 5 minutes late" or "Saw this article, thought of you") I'd think she was batshit.

He probably does find her pretty if he has eyes but it doesn't mean he fancies her and, from what you've said, there is no reason to suspect there is anything going on.

Original poster
Afternoonlemonandhoney · 08/10/2019 00:14

LaPeste
... impossible to know just hope the level of intimacy won't cross boundaries. I know they had lunch outside the classroom one day. Seems too friendly but he told me about it. Do you think gut instinct is enough to judge?

OP posts:
Original poster
Afternoonlemonandhoney · 08/10/2019 00:17

CatSmize
Thank you!

OP posts:
Cautionsharpblade · 08/10/2019 00:42

Sounds very like the relationship I have with my language teacher. The idea of anything inappropriate between us is ludicrous.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 08/10/2019 00:52

I'd find absolutely nothing suspicious about any of that. I don't see a problem with email and WhatsApp, like a pp said - I would find it odd if a partner wanted to be added so that suggestion is awful.

Original poster
Afternoonlemonandhoney · 08/10/2019 01:01

Can I ask you how many times a week and for how long your lessons are? Thank you.
I feel a bit embarrassed about myself...

OP posts:
Nexa · 08/10/2019 01:02

Could you join him with the lessons?

Original poster
Afternoonlemonandhoney · 08/10/2019 01:05

Well I'm not interest in learning French I also don't want to interfere with his hobby and his free time.

OP posts:
managedmis · 08/10/2019 01:05

When did he decide he needed lessons? Before or after he met her?

Original poster
Afternoonlemonandhoney · 08/10/2019 01:08

I can't sleep! My head is spinning.

OP posts:
ThePawtriarchy · 08/10/2019 01:10

Did he want french lessons and then found her or other way around? What is it exactly that’s making you wonder - is it just that she’s attractive or something else?

ThePawtriarchy · 08/10/2019 01:12

Also are you often jealous or is there something about this situation bothering you more than normal?

Original poster
Afternoonlemonandhoney · 08/10/2019 01:15

managedmis

Luckily before! He always wanted to speak proper French. They started with one hour and now is 2hs per lesson. I don't mind the duration of the lesson but the idea of being on a one to one tutoring is bothering me.

OP posts:
QueenofPain · 08/10/2019 01:19

If you have a cottage in France, why do you have no interest in learning French?

Toastymash · 08/10/2019 01:21

The WhatsApp contact is nothing to be suspicious about. It seems to be the go to method of communicating these days. I have used it for this type of thing as it's just easier.

I would just go with your gut. Or, if you have a good relationship with him maybe just talk to him about how you feel. His reaction will probably be quite telling

Original poster
Afternoonlemonandhoney · 08/10/2019 01:23

I don't want to jump to conclusions too quickly. She is the same age as me and my husband. When he talks about her he says she is brilliant.

OP posts:
FiddlesticksAkimbo · 08/10/2019 01:25

Ask to join the WhatsApp group and see what his reaction is. Or accompany him to the lessons.

I think I can predict the reaction of a normal personGrin

ladybirdsarelovely33 · 08/10/2019 01:25

Has anything changed in his behaviour towards you for you to suspect something?

Original poster
Afternoonlemonandhoney · 08/10/2019 01:32

Well is clear there is a close bond building up there.

OP posts:
minesagin37 · 08/10/2019 01:33

Poor woman. ' my DH might fancy her so they will have an affair' Does she get a say in this? Give her some credit ffs!

DontLettuceBrexitLettuceRomain · 08/10/2019 01:37

I think you're being incredibly unfair on both your DH and this woman who is just trying to do her job.

MrsFezziwig · 08/10/2019 01:37

Well I'm not interested in learning French

If you have a cottage in France which you visit frequently you should be, so there’s your solution - you can join him at the classes.

BringMeAGinandTonic · 08/10/2019 01:46

I agree, accompany him to the classes if you're worried AND because you can learn French for your holidays to your cottage. :) But going will allow you to see if anything is going on. Suggest to him you'd like to go, see what he says.