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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband and female French tutor. Is this suspicious or OK?

205 replies

Afternoonlemonandhoney · 07/10/2019 23:44

What level of contact are you happy with...?
Aibu or have reason to worry?
They meet a couple of hours a week for the lessons (on a one to one basis) There is nothing particularly incriminating.
He looks like enjoying her classes a lot but there's every chance it's perfectly innocent. I have had this type of relationship with a few male colleagues in the past.
I met her once only by chance and she is very pretty! He has her email address but also her WhatsApp.
We've been together for more than 10 years, 1 kid. Things are ok between us as far as I'm aware.
Perhaps I'm just jealous of her and their meetings about his new challenge/hobby of learning French. We have a cottage in France and visit there frequently.

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 09/10/2019 10:45

I have to be honest, that kind of lazy approach would piss me off if I were your DH, it means that he has to deal with everything to do with house - presumably hence the French lessons.

Why buy a house somewhere if you’re not interested in engaging with the culture properly?

underground76 · 09/10/2019 10:56

Applying the “cool wife” label to women who are okay with their partners interacting with the opposite sex in order to learn a new skill is a new low for mumsnet.

Reverse the genders and it would be a red flag for abuse.

Some of you ARE unhinged on this thread.

Completely agree.

SVRT19674 · 09/10/2019 11:18

If my husband said he wanted to join my Greek classes i'd tell him to fuck off. My time, my hobby.

ExhaustedFlamingo · 09/10/2019 11:38

Genuinely, I'd tell my OH that I'm feeling insecure and worried about their relationship. I'd say that I recognise there's no basis for it, and it's more about my own self esteem than anything else, but I'd chat it out with him. It sounds to me that you feel second best by comparison (you say she's pretty, funny, clever etc). I'm sure you're all those things and more but perhaps you've forgotten that.

If you can talk to your husband in a non-accusatory way and just basically explain that you know you're being a bit of a nob, but can't seem to help how you're feeling, hopefully he'll give you a hug and some reassurance that will ease your mind.

Roussette · 09/10/2019 11:41

I know someone who is learning Italian. His wife is insanely jealous of everything he does. Last I heard, she insisted on coming out to their Christmas party held at an italian restaurant which was just for the pupils and tutor, to practice ordering in italian etc.

Mega embarrassing that she went.

longwayoff · 09/10/2019 12:34

4 pages of this drivel? And you're a real grown up person with a life? Blimey.

Hederex · 09/10/2019 12:39

Hmm. It wouldn't bother me unless he has developed mentionitis.

IcedPurple · 09/10/2019 15:50

Another thing to note too, just because you think she is pretty doesn't mean he is attracted to her in that way so try not to worry.

Even if he is attracted to her, it's not neccessarily a big deal. Most married people encounter attractive people quite regularly, it doesn't mean they're going to jump into bed with them.

Not to mention that it's by no means certain that this pretty, intelligent woman will be going gagga for a married client.

Newkitchen123 · 09/10/2019 16:53

I'm a language teacher
I'm female
I communicate by WhatsApp
I have lots of male students
I would be mortified to think that anyone, expecially their wives thought there was anything going on!
I'm married
It would never enter my husband's head to think there was something going on
Get a grip!

Skysblue · 09/10/2019 20:16

Bit harsh to say ‘get a grip’. It’s nice that he has a hobby. It’s annoying that his hobby involves spending 2 hrs alone time with an attractive (younger? single?) woman. I doubt very much that he would consider straying, but I expect he is very much enjoying the attention of a pretty girl who hangs on his every word and yes that would get on my nerves if it were my husband. Not much you can do about it though unless you want to join in.

Osirus · 09/10/2019 20:32

Crikey. My driving instructor is male. He is absolutely amazing. I wouldn’t have got so far if it wasn’t for him BUT I absolutely do not want to jump into bed with him!!

You need to take a step back OP and evaluate the situation for what it really is, and where the true problem lies. It’s not with your husband and his teacher.

Newkitchen123 · 09/10/2019 20:34

** I expect he is very much enjoying the attention of a pretty girl who hangs on his every word and yes that would get on my nerves if it were my husband.

I hope all the wives of my male clients don't feel like this!

Osirus · 09/10/2019 20:34

I think I would divorce my husband if he insisted in joining in on my driving lessons. How controlling that would be.

CmdrCressidaDuck · 09/10/2019 21:36

I expect he is very much enjoying the attention of a pretty girl who hangs on his every word

Confused she's a professional woman who is working with him. She's not "hanging on his every word", any more than I'm hanging on my boss's every word when we have a 1:1 or hanging on my colleague's every word when we have a meeting.

IcedPurple · 09/10/2019 22:48

an attractive (younger? single?) woman.

The OP has said the French teacher is attractive but hasn't mentioned anything about her age or marital status. However, if she is younger, all the more reason a middle aged married dude likely wouldn't appeal.

I expect he is very much enjoying the attention of a pretty girl who hangs on his every word

Quoi? SHE is the teacher, not him! She's probably silently cringing at his crappy French pronunciation but is way too professional to let on.

Basil90 · 09/10/2019 22:53

Why don't you talk to him? Tell him how you feel?

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 09/10/2019 23:04

It’s annoying that his hobby involves spending 2 hrs alone time with an attractive (younger? single?) woman. I doubt very much that he would consider straying, but I expect he is very much enjoying the attention of a pretty girl who hangs on his every word and yes that would get on my nerves if it were my husband.

Read the opening post.

OP says tutor is the same age as them.

I assure you that French tutors, whatever their sex, don't ever hang on every word of their clients. Especially not when they've only been learning French for a year.

Shock Grin

Chance would be a fine thing!

AliciaQuays · 09/10/2019 23:07

Why do they need to text? Go for the lesson then fuck off home.

Of course he’s fucking her

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 09/10/2019 23:20

He might want to (I've never met him so I can't speculate).

The tutor is exceedingly unlikely to be interested in him back.

Original poster
Afternoonlemonandhoney · 10/10/2019 01:01

Reading all your thoughts with interest.
I'm not worry about him "jumping in the bed with her".
What puzzled me more is what is brewing between them in all those hours together every week.
Friendship or a possible emotional affaire?

He thinks very highly of her, no doubts about it.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 10/10/2019 01:06

@AliciaQuays you really do sound strange.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 10/10/2019 01:21

All those hours?

It's two hours a week, most of which he spends sounding like a toddler.

There are plenty of MNers who spend 2 hours a day commuting. If they were infatuated with each other, they'd be spending a lot more time together than two hours a week.

At the moment, what is probably 'brewing' is a vague understanding of the conditionnel tense.

Original poster
Afternoonlemonandhoney · 10/10/2019 01:43

JamieVardysHavingAParty

"All those hours?

It's two hours a week, most of which he spends sounding like a toddler."

It's two times a week 2 hours each day.

OP posts:
Monty27 · 10/10/2019 05:50

Have you broached the subject with him even in a jokey way?
Oh and the suggestions of accompanying him to classes are ludicrous.

Vanhi · 10/10/2019 06:49

I expect he is very much enjoying the attention of a pretty girl who hangs on his every word

My mum's a French tutor. OK she's in her 70s but the notion that this happened at any stage in her career is laughable. She enjoys teaching but her pupils are just that - they're students. They enjoy learning a new skill of course but there is a strangely Mills & Boon/ soft porn view on this thread of how students and tutors interact. They learn a language. They don't run off into the sunset together.

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