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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for cash instead of presents at kids party?

493 replies

HuntIdeas · 28/09/2019 05:29

My twins are having a 5th birthday party next week and have 50 guests between them! I’m starting to freak out about the number of presents they will get and where to keep them in the house (plus all that extra plastic that will end up at the dump). WIBU to send a group WhatsApp message asking not to bring presents or to put a bit of cash in a card and I can take them to get something they choose? How could I word it?

Most guests are their new classmates (only started 3 weeks ago), so I don’t know the parents

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 28/09/2019 05:38

I would not ask people you don’t know for cash. If you don’t want them to bring presents, say so. How do you think your kids will react to that though?

Do you have some family members coming? Could they bring presents? I’d have gone for a smaller gathering personally if storage is an issue but too late for that now.

user1483387154 · 28/09/2019 05:39

I would not be happy receiving a message asking for cash for a child I have only known 3 weeks.

AdriannaP · 28/09/2019 05:40

Why not ask for no presents 🙄

HollyBollyBooBoo · 28/09/2019 05:41

No you can't ask people your kids have known for three weeks for cash! Outrageous!

PineapplePower · 28/09/2019 05:42

Just say you don’t want presents; ie your presence is present enough or something. Some will still bring something but most will be happy to cross it off their todo list

Barbel · 28/09/2019 05:43

No you cannot do that. CF at its finest

Isitnearlyweekend · 28/09/2019 05:44

It’s extremely cheeky to ask for cash instead of presents. There’s no reason why you have to give the kids all the presents at once. You could spread them out over coming weeks and months. They won’t know any different. By asking for cash you’re probably pushing people to up their spending amount ie probs up to a tenner. Comes across as grabby.

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 28/09/2019 05:45
Biscuit
HeronLanyon · 28/09/2019 05:45

Don’t ask for cash.
Just say ‘no presents’ for invites to new school friends.
Any family invited - obvs can bring present.
Have your own small presents for them to open (perhaps having given anything bigger earlier in the day).
The real present/most exciting thing at that age (after your own family presents) is the party/food/cake/friends/centre of attention thing.
All kids/family dynamics are different though but that’s what I’d do.
Do not ask for cash.

PaganPriestess · 28/09/2019 05:46

I am sorry, if I saw a request for cash for a child's birthday, I would think that's entering the league of cheeky fuckwittery.

Two options that may be better, if possible Amazon vouchers, or somewhere else the children could use money at, specific to them. Failing that a donation to a charity.

It would be a lot of pressure for some parents, who may feel embarrassed they can't spare much.

It's sad, it's not an accusation by any means, some parents do take money off their children, for 'safe keeping' to then spend it on themselves hoping the child will forget. My main concern would be those who can't contribute much & how they would feel.

MutedUser · 28/09/2019 05:47

No you can’t ask for cash what a CF. Maybe people were only going to spend £3 on a book and can’t put that in a envelope . Take what you are given. By all means ask family not to buy presents but not strangers. You don’t want to deal with whatever gift they are given say no presents at all.

Sleeplease · 28/09/2019 05:48

No don't ask for cash. could you ask for books only or something? Or just say no presents, but people will buy them regardless.

MutedUser · 28/09/2019 05:51

Take any unwanted plastic presents to a local charity. Then they won’t end up in a landfill.

lyralalala · 28/09/2019 05:54

Round here, thanks to a brilliant mum who had the balls to be the first to say “please bring no presents, and if you insist a £2 coin for her piggy bank would be great as she’s saving for x” all parties are now pretty much no gift parties. Most people put £5 in a card or £2 in the piggy bank. A week or two later the birthday girl or boy shows the other kids what they bought - so far scooters are the main thing.

Everyone loves it. Just took someone new to the area to mention the idea.

Lana08 · 28/09/2019 05:54

Eh no!!
How about a message saying we already have so much stuff so we would like to ask that you do not bring any presents.

ShippingNews · 28/09/2019 05:57

How about asking for them to donate a book, which will be given to charity. Or just say "no gifts please, just bring yourselves".

Howlovely · 28/09/2019 05:58

Seriously, do not ask for cash from school friends, that will not go down well at all!

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 28/09/2019 06:00

I buy reduced toys just after summer season and Christmas for parties throughout the year. I am absolutely skint and wouldn't be able to afford cash in a card.

I'd ask for no presents in your situation.

sashh · 28/09/2019 06:03

Put a note saying that if people are kind enough to want to buy presents you really appreciate it but is not necessary.

Then do a collection of toys for the Salvation Army or Rotary club or food bank.

EleanorReally · 28/09/2019 06:04

No, just grabby.
let them enjoy their presents

EleanorReally · 28/09/2019 06:05

People do enjoy buying presents, particularly so early in reception.

LadyJaneGrey56 · 28/09/2019 06:06

No sorry op you really can't not for school friends. If you're worried about the presents then just ask them not to bring any.

Coconutbug · 28/09/2019 06:08

Definitely cannot ask that. Keep track of who has given what and any other parties they get invited to give it back out that's what I'd do 🤷‍♀️

Oysterbabe · 28/09/2019 06:09

You can't ask for cash, so rude. You either say no presents or say nothing.

8by8 · 28/09/2019 06:11

One of the school mums said that there was no need to bring presents but if you would like to, the family is trying to be more eco friendly so secondhand gifts would be great. They got lots of lightly used toys from the charity shops or that others had got bored of - all new to the child and apparently they were v happy.

If you’re worried about landfill that might be an option.

Otherwise you could say no need for presents, but if anybody would like to bring something the kids would especially love books?